He already has a general trust problem. But to me it's so much more and my boyfriend doesn't believe anything I say. He questions everything I say, does he need a therapy or something? What should I do?
If you don’t have trust you have nothing. Beautiful girl let that soak in, it’s important that you both have trust in on another or you will just wither. It’s hurtful & in a way feels like a constant rejection. Take a moment and ask yourself long term or for the rest of your life have this kind of relationship? Even though you understand your lovers trust issues. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do on your end because it’s something he needs to let go and work past.
I have dated this guy named Patrick. I’m very carful when a guy opens up about trama from his last relationship and depending where he is. He explained how his girl cheated on him and that he would like to see a pic of my destination. I told him I loved him but I could not agree to that for I don’t want to enable his immature coping Mechanism. He then said I do not care and I said “ On the contrary I do care, I just know that’s not appropriate and will not put that in practice if that’s an issue for you then we need to let this go and you need to heal. He let it go but he would make a habit to look at my phone. When he did it for the 4th time. I unlocked the screen for him to show no cheating and then I broke up with him. Not to punish him but I can see he was not ready for a committed relationship he had to much great and I was not going to leave out his fear ocd.
It hard, you can love somone who is not ready to fully give themselves to you. You need trust or you will not have peace.
If this has been going on the entire time you've been with him, why do you think this will change? There is nothing you can do. Only HE can change his attitude, and if you're waiting for him, you're waiting in vain.
People's actions speak volumes, and his actions state, unequivocally, he doesn't trust you. However, none of this is about YOU. It is about HIM.
His issues, at 40, sound like underlying anger issues. Is it about not trusting women, or not trusting PEOPLE? I don't know which is worse.
So, you've hooked up with a difficult, more than likely, impossible guy. Unless he is committed to changing himself and this attitude of distrust, and commits himself to serious therapy, and possibly medication, this is a lost cause. I hope I'm wrong and I wish you the best of luck.
Why would you think he's the one that needs work there? You don't get with someone with a goal in mind of how you think they could turn out. Sounds like either he never trusted you, or something happened to push him to thinking that way. Maybe it involved you, maybe it was something totally different in his life.
Regardless, he doesn't trust you, that isn't necessarily a you problem. Do what you do with any immovable object meeting an unstoppable force, propose an ultimatum and stick with it. "I can't deal with the lack of trust anymore, something's got to change, or we can't be together anymore"
You can't force someone to be something they're not. Just ask yourself whether you could be in a long-term relationship with someone who denies everything you say. What type of relationship would that be? Always look at the whole package rather than focus on some aspects and attempt to ignore the rest. Guys aren't lumps of clay... eager to be molded. Just let him know you see admirable qualities in him, but you don't choose to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe anything you say.
Opinion
30Opinion
He needs therapy very very badly. He's not intending it, but that's abusive. Get him into some SERIOUS therapy, or leave him. What you're describing is fucked up. I don't care how bad his trust issues are. That's not ok. And you need to bring about a change to YOUR situation, one way or another.
Get a new boyfriend who does.
Sometimes people say things like this and then actually give people reasons not to trust them. You never really went into detail so I can't help you figure out if this is one of those situations. That being said, trust issues stems from someone's past in most cases. They've been burned before by someone they trusted, and they don't want to feel that same pain again. Often, people avoid being hurt in that way without even realizing it. So there isn't a way to solve that particular trust issue, because it has nothing to do with you. He needs to fix it, and he can begin with therapy.
Well given your age I'm just going to assume he's close to the same age. When people reach thier 40's they have baggage (both men AND WOMEN). Trust has to built in a relationship. And he's likely seen a lot of women in his life that have lied to him about a great many things. When you repeat many of the same behaviors he understandably thinks "oh, I've seen this before". If you say you love him (do you?), then you need to work to quell this mistrust. Prove you're not the SAME as those other women. If you don't want to do that then just leave him alone and go somewhere else.
Well, I think you should just sit with him and have a discussion as to why he is not able to trust you and what will it take for him to trust you.
Based on that you can tackle this. It is possible he has been hurt before so he has these trust issues and he needs assurances.
seems too general not specific to answer. how long going on, what damage was done that causes trust issues in this relationship and past.
The answer is lots of therapy.. whether it's on his own, meditation, professional, videos, etc.. combined with practicing new habits and working on himself. you have to be trust worthy.
Could be he's so torn down, it's hard to do in a relationship.
tough call...
Dump him , how can you be happy with someone that constantly thinks you are lying to them? It sounds like he is a narcissist and trying to play a victim for his actions , he is probably cheating on you
It's simple asf just compromise or go ahead choose someone else or maybe go ahead of him. Like overpower him why not already give him emough reasons maybe the way you tell him stuff is not enough or maybe he cares a lot that he asks a lot of questions
Tell him "we're going to couples counseling or the relationship is over". It sounds to me he has some unresolved emotional damage that he needs to talk about.
I would break up, cause what's the point of being with someone who distrusts you and recommend him therapy.
You have to decide what matters to you, but many people (including me) would not be happy in a relationship where there wasn't trust
Yeah that doesn't sound like a guy who's ready for a relationship. He needs to sort out his issues before that. A relationship can't work without trust.
End this. Her doesn't trust you because he's an habitual liar.
m So why is he your boyfriend and not your ex?
He might have had a bad experience of being deceived and he is wanting to build trust with you.
Sounds like this isn't worth your time anymore. If you've already talked to him about it, then the best solution is to end it.
Find a new boyfriend. No, I'm not being flippant. You can offer to help him, but should not endure that treatment.
Couple council. You're going to break up if he doesn't do anything about it.
Break up and move on. He can't trust you, so why remain in such a relationship? It will go nowhere.
To be fair, should you ever really trust anyone. I mean, if the apocalypse came tomorrow, wouldn't you fend for yourself?
