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My marriage ended about 4 years ago and I started dating a childless woman a few months ago. Though I tried, she and my daughter were never get along. My girlfriend told my daughter that she doesn't like kids and she doesn’t want to be a step-mom or sth. Now, my daughter doesn't even want to hear my partner’s name again, but I like her very much. What should I do? :(
I have some issues with this.
First, the girlfriend was aware you were a single dad when you guys met, right? So, if she doesn't like kids and wants nothing to do with a step mom type of role, why would she agree to be your girlfriend?
Second, you are a single dad. You need to realize that your daughter will always come first. It's one thing for your daughter "not to get along" with someone in a way that can resolved. It's entirely different when your girlfriend literally tells your daughter she doesn't like kids and doesn't want to be a step mom. If she doesn't like kids, why is she your girlfriend? Your daughter is naturally going to be upset by this. She was just told that she was not liked or wanted essentially. She is probably afraid that your girlfriend is going to try to put a wedge between you two. She is probably wondering why her dad is dating someone who hates kids so much.
I understand you like your girlfriend. But you have to realize that not everyone is a good match for you unfortunately. You need someone who is going to be good to you AND your daughter. You and your daughter are a package deal - anyone who dates you needs to be ok with a kid being around. You can't just ditch your daughter over some relationship. The relationship you have with your daughter is number one. Never let anyone come between that.
I think you need to talk to your girlfriend. Ask her why your daughter is such an issue. Ask what she is expecting considering she knew you were a single dad when you met. If she can't be civil and get along with you and your daughter, she needs to go. It's pretty evident that she is not an ideal match for ANY man with a child in my opinion.
Good luck to you! I hope you find a truly decent partner who will accept you AND your daughter.
My ex husband was dating a new woman after our marriage ended. He dropped her after she said she didn’t like our kids.
he then dated another woman who liked our kids. He too dropped her for reasons I understand (not a good fit to our family standards) yes…even after our divorce. We still hold certain standards as family goes.
he then dating this new woman now for 5-6 years. Just got married.
I stepped in with certain things. She is still upset but she pretty much step aside and my ex take over 99% responsibilities for our kids. She is just a friend to our kids. It’s workinc our very healthy for us all…including my new husband.
as far as we are all concern…these two kids are our prosperity…since she takes less of a role …it makes it a lot easier for us to raise kids.
when kids with dad.. the new wife keeps herself busy while he cares for them…vacations just the three, outings.. they do all 4 go out to restaurants from time to time…but she generally stay away from parenting kids…she will be supportive.
look for a good hearted woman who will support you to raise your child. Give you the encouragement, love to be that father for your little girl. That’s what she can do for you both if she is coming off as a decent person.
Ground them both for a month till they play nice like in the movie You Again. That fixed it.
Back in the real world you have a hullava problem that is probably un-resolvable is my net take. Your new girlfriend doesn't like children and while she might pretend for a while for you, I think you have to take it that at this point in her life she doesn't want to do parenting. How old is the girlfriend? You should discuss in depth.
Children often resent a new partner - the oldest one more so. How often does your daughter see her mother? Are you the main care giver? Do you have sole custody or get weekends? You should discuss in depth with your daughter - but at her level.
If you have a workable relationship with your ex - and she doesn't hate your guts - you should discuss with her. If she does hate your guts then she will likely take advantage of the situation I'm guessing and amp up any negative feelings your daughter has.
Unless you can broker some deal with the new girlfriend, the ex and your daughter then it is a big problem. You are in a position of choosing between your new girlfriend and daughter as it sort of stands and I think you need your ex's help as co-parent.
Another option is your new girlfriend could be a side chick on weekends.
Good luck! I think you need it. Sorry.
It can take a while for her to accept her.
She also might be afraid to get close to her for fear that she will be gone, or that she will try to be her mother. That is not all uncommon for kids from a divorce.
Just try to spend more time together, maybe a few hours here and there.
Make sure your daughter knows that she is not there to replace her mother.
Also, your daughter may have a difficult time with her if she tries to make any sort of rules right off the bat.
Kids are not stupid when it comes to relationships. They know what is going on, so don't think that she doesn't know.
Your girlfriend has to also understand that your daughter is not going anywhere, and she just may not be cut out to be part of an instant family.
Your daughter comes first, so as tough as it is your girlfriend may have to leave if she cannot accept your daughter as part of the relationship.
She may grow to like her, and you need to explain to her that your daughter already has a mother, that she just needs to be a friend.
Those types of relationships can be difficult for all involved.
Opinion
45Opinion
There's no way I'd prioritize the girlfriend over my kid (s)
Sadly, I don’t think this relationship is inherently compatible because your kid is irreplaceable, and the fact that your girlfriend’s said she doesn’t have any interest in kids or being a stepparent is your answer right there. If your girlfriend is willing to budge at all, I’d give it a shot with a lot of time and patience. Unfortunately, I’m not sure that is going to happen.
Shouldn't even be introducing your child to anyone you are dating unless you are in a committed serious relationship and hopefully that is at least 6-8 months of dating her. Soon as she said she doesn't like kids you should of said BYE.
I'd say kid comes first, but how close are they to 18 when you can kick them out? That factors in too, when you can expect them to start acting like an adult themself.
This is a no-brainer.
Get rid of the girlfriend.
She is selfish, self-centered & narasstic.
Obvious by how she MUST HAVE known you had a child BEFORE you started dating seriously and yet had the ignorant nasty personality to say to your daughter that she doesn't like kids / doesn't want to be stepmom. Of course not because your daughter is, in her mind, a THREAT challenging her time in having your affection, etc.
.
As for your daughter "not getting along with" your girlfriend...
If someone told YOU I don't like you / don't wanna have much to do with you, would YOU get along with them? Most people would be offended & upset by such comments.
Whereas
You expect daughter to "get along" with girlfriend - who IS the problem - by essentially telling your daughter I DO NOT care if girlfriend says she doesn't like you, you MUST like her.
Which is just going to upset your daughter more.
.
Ultimately it comes down to what's more important to you.
Your daughter who is your flesh & blood, who depends on you, who trusts you, etc.
Or your girlfriend - some woman who likely has limited value beyond sexual relations.
"My girlfriend told my daughter that she doesn't like kids and she doesn’t want to be a step-mom or sth."
Your girlfriend sounds like she wants to be miss right now and if that's all you want from her, then don't bring her into your house when your daughter is around.
Is that all you want from her? Then tell you daughter you're only dating her for "right now." This should satisfy your daughter.
HOWEVER, I'm a bit miffed that you would choose a woman who says she doesn't like children when you HAVE a child and love your daughter. This is the source of neither of them liking each other, and it's completely unresolvable! It would be the same if your daughter were black and the woman said she hated black people. You can't change FACTS.
BUTTTT, if you're just dating this woman temporarily, to get back into the swing of things, it might be worth the trouble. I don't think I could handle dating a man who said he hated children when my young son was in my household. I don't care how much I liked him otherwise, that'd be a dealbreaker. And how harsh that is toward both you AND your daughter. Is she jealous of the time you have to spend with her? Something sounds so off about her stance.
Consider your relationship with this woman carefully. Good luck.
Lay down the law. You need to step back and clearly and logically determine who is at fault for them not getting along? The girlfriend? The daughter? Both? Then basically discipline them until they do what they need to do.
Many will just say dump the girlfriend but thats how you raise a spoiled child of a daughter who won't be able to have a healthy relationship with a man. Just saying.
First listen carefully to whoever is at fault. Then explain it will not be tolerated. The whole thing is definitely over your attention. So if girlfriend is being a bitch she's not allowed on your weekend you have plans with your daughter and if she wants to spend the weekend with you then she must behave and share your attentions.
Same with the daughter. If she just is jealous and acts up. Too bad. You have plans with your girlfriend and misbehaved daughters are not allowed. Leave her home.
On the flip. When they start to change behaviors reward whoever it is. Maybe special daddy daughter time. She wants the attention she has to earn the attention. Even kids are not entitled to attention. If she stabs a kid in the throat and goes to prison do you owe her 5 letters a day? No you don't. Just like if she is rude to someone for no reason she does not deserve a special time where y'all go to an amusement park or whatever.
That is a hard one, looks like your girlfriend set the tone by causing a strain with your daughter. A grown adult should not tell a very young child they don’t like kids. Now your slighter knows she is disliked for simply being a kid. She is dating you and dosnt like kids…that might be a problem later on to.
Sit down and set boundaries with your girlfriend, that she should not be saying that to your daughter. I would also not force them to get along. Just plan fun outing of play for bonding time. Fun times drops guards naturally.
if your Girl friend dates you she has to expect you have a daughter. Someone that will love to be apart of your family not just you and eh her that not fair to the child. There’s no harm in trying but even when you try and the relationship doesn’t Mesh well it will affect you.
I mean, it sounds like your girlfriend's made it clear to your daughter that if she does marry you, she has no intention to take a parenting role. I imagine if your daughter isn't in regular contact with her mother that could be something she was hoping for, but at the same time you have to figure out what you want in a partner. If you just want a woman who enjoys your company, then that's fine but you also have to consider how she'll treat your kid. It doesn't sound like she enjoys being around children in general, and she might make an effort when your daughter is older but I don't think it'll go well if your daughter already believes she doesn't like her.
If she doesn’t want to be a stepmom and doesn’t like kidsthe answer is easy….. gotta dump her. At best she will treat your daughter with contempt and your daughter doesn’t deserve that. Also, when your daughter does bratty kid stuff that all kids do she isn’t likely to give her any grace.
Depends on how old your daughter is, if she's 16 and under, that is a problem sounds like you need to make a choice, it would be obvious choice the girlfriend would have to go.. If she's over 16 I would date her away from the daughter, and keep them two separate things until she goes away to college or moves out, however that may backfire if she hates her guys, she make make her choice too. When I dated girls when my girls were teenagers, I would never ever say "this is my girlfriend" or introduce them. A few times I would have her along and introduce them as an acquaintance to see if they get along.
First off does your daughter live with you and how old is she.. second the person you will spend the rest of your life with is the most important, always better be , and if your girl is young and your girlfriend said that to her that was a dumb move on her part... kids do not need to know what adults are thinking and feeling on all things that would be one of them.. she should have said I just dont know yet. or have not really thought about it. and does that mean she has no intention of being with you long term? find someone new if that is the case.. in my opinion
As long as your child is at home with you, you do not have the option of dating a woman who isn't fully supportive of your child. You are divorced with children, NOT single and childless, so you cannot put yourself and your wants first.
That sucks for you, I know, but your first responsibility is to your child, until she is out of the house.
Focus on your daughter. Kids are only around for a short time and it sounds like your girlfriend doesn't want her in the picture. The decision you make now will never be forgotten by your daughter, no matter what you decide. If this ended up long term and serious, how will she be with your grandkids?
Listen to your kid. She's immune to getting pussy whipped.
Have you ever really taken a few moments to seriously consider why they don't get along?
I highly doubt this woman is going to be a positive influence on your life. Maybe things aren't what they seem.
Don't make the same mistake my dad did. Stayed with his girlfriend who never liked us. She was cruel and sadly he married her. Biggest mistake he ever made she push all of his kids away. It caused nothing but fights. Dumb the bi$ch she is clearly cruel if she is telling your daughter she doesn't like kids. Find a woman who does like kids and there will treat your child with respect as your child deserves.
Why are you as a single father even dating a woman who clearly doesn't want to have anything to do with your children? Why is your girlfriend marrying a father if she does not want children? Isn't it obvious that you two are just not compatible?
Who's starting shit between them? How old is the daughter? Needs more context.
Telling a kid they don't want to be a step-mom shouldn't be a big deal, but at the same time it sounds like something pretty harsh to say to a child.
What should you do? you put whoever is in the wrong in check. That's our job as men.
that relationships is screwed. you have to find someone that likes kids that your kid will take to.
otherwise, you would have two females in the house, pmsing at similar times, not getting along, and you'll wish you were the prince that turned into a frog.
it's okay for her to not like kids or be a step-mom, but she needs to clearly lay out her priorities/boundaries and yours. you need to decide what yours are and be honest about them. if you're okay with her being like that.
if she doesn't want to try to be involved with your daughter, then either don't involve her AT ALL in your daughter's life or end things with her. i'm telling you from experience it sucks having a step-parent who doesn't want you, but you have to deal with anyway.
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