Is he forgivable?

[Anonymous]

Husband has extreme anger issues. When he's normal he's very sweet which is scarce day by day. He gets escalated and screams very rude insults and doesn't remember what he says afterwards. Till now when he calmed down I coidknt forget what he said and told him u said this he said it was in rage. But now I recorded him and sent them to him. He is devastated. He doesn't have recollection of saying these exact words. He also gets delusional when angry and says I'm cheating or going out with guys.

Is this excuse or does he really not remember? If a person doesn't have any control on what he said should I forgive him. He said disgusting things about me and my family. I feel bad that he didn't realize what he says and doesn't have control. I told him I'm divorcing him after months of verbal abuse. He says he'll seek medical help. He didn't realize what he said to me. He seems genuinely remorseful but I think I've stopped loving him little by little. His family treats him shitty too kinda. So he has no one but me. Is it horrible to leave him knowing he's suffering from mental illness. I don't know what to do.

Updates

1 y

So he's diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression and schizophrenia. But does insulting me on street come from mental illness. He says for the last week he hasn't raised his voice at anyone and he wants to get better. He realized he made me suffer and didn't give me a wife's respect. He says the realization came because I left him and he thought about everything when he was alone. D people realize so fast?

[WanderingLoveWizard]

He remembers. He might genuinely remorseful, but he knows exactly what he said. He obviously has you convinced that he just "can't help it" and it's not his fault, but he can and it is.
Anger issues are no joke, but it's not some mental illness, it's just a lack of self awareness in the heat of the moment.

The only way he's ever gonna stop is if he finally realizes he can't keep getting away with it.
This is coming from experience, as my anger issues were probably even worse than his are, until I finally learned my lesson the hard way

[Asker]

I'm stuck in a loop of he'll do it again if I go back and what if he's really ill and trying to get better but since he has no one but me to call his own and I'm not helping him, It's my fault for not helping him get better. I can't operate as a normal person from this obtrusive thoughts.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Hell no, it's not your fault and it's not your responsibility.
Think of it this way... I guarantee he's not blowing up on people who he knows won't forgive him. Does he do it at work? I bet not or he would've been fired by now.

The best thing you can do for him and yourself is stop forgiving him and putting up with it. Trust me on this one. He's not the victim, you are

[AnusNdaPainus]

You aren’t horrible you honestly sound like a really kind person but clearly this man needs serious help divorce isn’t the answer I realize that what he is saying is very hurtful and I commend you for hanging in there this long

If you two were just dating then sure leave him but since you’re married you both should try as hard as you can to save your marriage you’ll both be better for it something worth having is worth fighting for right?

the dating scene is a warzone you do not want to go back out here the grass is not greener

has he tried therapy

[Asker]

He says he will go to a psychiatrist. But he is all alone without me (actually true). But I'm leaving him so for good. And I can't go with him. He begs me to just have contact with him while he tries to recover. But if we're to be divorced is it good idea to have contact with him.

[Agape93]

Leave him. When your temper is consistently worse than mine, that's not a good sign.

[EmmaMary]

Why the fuck did you marry him in the first place? smh

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Greenbins]

This is 100% an excuse.. trust me he remembers everything and he know exactly what he is doing. He is manipulating you to be scared of him so you never leave him.. do yourself a favor and pack your bags and get the hell out of there before he hits you or kills you... it's only a matter if time.

[Asker]

He's not scaring me. He probably manipulating me into having pity for him. Or he's truly remorseful. I don't know man. I loved him once and that's why I'm still thinking of his betterment but he hurt me so much.

[Greenbins]

He is not remorseful.. he knows exactly what he is doing.. it's a form of control. Please do yourself a favor and leave while you still can

[Twalli]

Honestly, he should have sought help earlier. That's if he's not lying about not having any recollection of what he's said. If you don't love him anymore, then break up. You can't hope to fall back in love until he's 100% and it's not worth it for either of you on the off chance he can't get better.

[richardcory]

Its not so much about forgiving as you being happy and safe with him. If you are not, then you should divorce. If this has been going on for a long time its unlikely to change

[TonyMetal___86]

As a wife, you must help him and make him feel better instead of dumping him, that's why you're his wife!
If he's truly not doing such things on purpose everytime than he's excused as long as you get him to seek medical help!

[Asker]

He continued doing the same thing until I finally took my stand and left him now he's regreting and saying he realized his mistakes

[TonyMetal___86]

He can't realize his mistakes as long as he's ill and if he truly have realized his mistakes than he was doing them on purpose!

[SawerBrown]

It's time to leave, get out whole you can. He'll most likely get worse candy he won't remember when he beats you to death.

[SawerBrown]

I've seen this before in a couple I know and he's also bi-polar, and suffers from schizophrenia fortunately he has a supportive family and his family had a separation crested between him and his wife because they feared for her well being and they got him into an institution where he was given regular therapy and a regular structured day to day life and they slowly added, adjusted medication until he lost his temper and other destructive behavior but while he can function he has to be kept in a well medicated state to keep him from harmongbhimself and others. Being bi-polar can be bad enough but throw schizophrenia into the mix and it's a mess. A truly terrible disease. You can support him but there I'd no way you should stay with him.

[Asker]

Really? So people like him can't have partners?

[SawerBrown]

I wouldn't necessarily say that as each case is different but it often doesn't work out. Schizophrenia is a serious condition and there are many levels.

[noohair]

Sounds like an untreated mental disorder.
My first step would be a good psychiatrist.

[Asker]

The psychiatrist called me to tell me he's just a little obsessive and over possessive and loves me too much. I should help him though it.

[noohair]

What you described looks unhealthy too me.

[noohair]

It has been my experience from volunteering in the mental health field foe 15 years, is that I have never seen anyone reach a comfortable spot without Medication and therapy. Unmedicated Bi-polar is a real problem and throwing schizophrenia on top is huge. I know people with one or the other and they have found function in life with meds. I have not met anyone with both conditions. If he is not in regular counseling and medication, I believe that there will be a trigger event that will start off a cascade of uncontrollable behavior. This is just what I have seen over the last 15 years. Good luck and take care.

[Asker]

He went to psychiatrist and he gave him medication for bipolar and schizophrenia

[Keishio]

Whether you stay or not he needs help with his anger. You can't go through life flipping out at people

[NostalgiaSenpi]

You should get out before he hurts or kills you.