Is it normal to have a crush while married?

[Anonymous]

I suspected that my wife had a crush and she finally admitted that she had a crush at work. However, he does not want to end our marriage. Is it normal to have a crush while married? My wife acts as if it is very normal.

[RavVid]

It is not normal but does happen both ways. It is quite trying. It is an unequal contest because she knows your bad habits etc but the crush is a clean skin without any blemish (as yet). They have every advantage over you by being new, different while you are x years on.

I think it is good to transpose the situation. There could be a comely woman in your work who is attractive to you and you look forward to interacting with and maybe causes you to speculate on how life would be with her. How would you react? I have shut it down in those circumstances. Spouses should but not all do. Academic research finds that spouses that flirt become less satisfied with their partner and that's the reason why spouses elect not to flirt as it inherently endangers what they have.

What you do know from what she has said is that she has offered herself either as an affair or as a new relationship and the reason this isn't happening is that he has declined. But you don't know how far he has declined. Maybe they have had sex, maybe they haven't. Maybe he doesn't fancy her that much. Maybe she wasn't that good between the sheets. Maybe your wife isn't worth the possible work ramifications.

But you do know she has offered herself. She has gone further than an infatuation. Before you do anything else I advocate you consult a divorce lawyer and establish your position. If you don't have children yet - make sure you don't. If you do, get DNA tests as you can't trust her now.

I'd also suggest watching this link and other videos of PyscHacks to get a bit of realism. He is a Doctor of Pyschology so not your average pyschologist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bR638YYph5g

Once you have gone through this and figured out what you need to do then sit her down to discuss. However tempting - after all you really want to hear something else like 'I now realise how silly I have been' - do not do this until completing the steps above. If your decision is to divorce than simply execute her in your sit down.

I have been through something akin to this and really they are half way out the door when this happens and you are yesterday man. They are looking for a new job in the sense of the video.

[RavVid]

This video may help you understand your situation also.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EIpRGPH6Ns

[msc545]

Excellent advice!

[RavVid]

@msc545 I have learn't from PyscHacks. It is scary at times.

[msc545]

Okay I understand

[EricSummer]

What worries me about your situation is that you write it is he who does not want to end your marriage. Does this mean he would have the power to end it as your wife would then choose him instead? That is definitely not healthy for a marriage.

If instead she finds him attractive and enjoys some flirty behavior at work I think that can pass, as long as she knows where she belongs. She should always still know her reasons why she would choose you over him anytime.

If this causes her difficulties she should seek a transfer to a different work group.

[TrueConfection]

That depends on how you define "crush" and if she acts on it.

There is a super hot guy working detail where I live. I live driving by him and taking in the view.

I wouldn't cheat with him if the opportunity came along. I'm not a cheater.

It sounds like your wife is honest with you.

[imawfulatusernames]

Yes. As long as we’re talking about crush in the sense of this person is attractive and interesting if you’d consider being with them and the only thing stopping you is your spouse, no that isn’t normal.

[Aairs]

I know a guy who normalised having sex with his youth girl-friends from school to his wife. The fact that bigamy is a crime so far went unreported.
She is trying to do the same to you - you pay her rent, she fucks around.
I had a girlfriend who'd get nuts about me having that 'crush' thing with another. But then I should have been with that other (except both were probably prostitutes; your wife may be one too - they keep denying they are and pretending all is hunky dory/normal. It is bizzare.)

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Depends on what you mean by "crush".
Is it just a physical attraction where he's fun to look at?
Ir dies she have deeper feelings for him and think about him all the time?

Good luck getting her to admit to the ladder, but that would certainly not be ok

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Latter*

[Miristheiss]

No.

If someone gets a strong crush then that is a sign they use poor boundaries.

They are spending too much time and being a bit inappropriate if they allow someone that much closeness in their life. With good boundaries people will stay away from those that they feel they could get some feelings for. They nip it in the bud.

[Finchie40]

To girls’ it is , but if a guy told his wife he has a crush on a girl at work she would lose her shit , so that’s women for you , always double standards , the truth of it is disrespectful , but the fact that she told you the truth is a good sign that she still loves you , so I would t sweat it to much unless she starts talking to this other guy on a regular basis then you have a right to be concerned

[RavVid]

I initially thought similar. But all we know is she said he declined her offer of herself. But that might just mean he thought better after a few steamy sessions and she thinks she doesn't have anything better at the moment.

We know she isn't loyal so what should make her husband think she will be into the future?

[Finchie40]

I agree but the fucked up thing is girl’s are more sneaky then men are and have a better way of hiding shit then guys can , but the truth of it all is without solid evidence you really can’t justify what really happened, , my ex cheated on me with a co worker and probably for a longer time then I thought , it was my gut instincts that helped me bust her ass , The number 1 thing that helped me suspect something was off was the lack of intimacy and affection I was receiving from her , she no longer was excited to see me and no longer excited to hug me or kiss me , she became slightly distant from me which made me have concerns as to why all of a sudden is my wife being cold towards me , instead of just accusing her , the only thing I could do to keep myself somewhat sane was to play investigator without her knowing I was on to her , It was one of the worst experiences in my life but I knew I couldn’t be played a fool , a clear sign a girl is cheating on you is she starts picking out little flaws on you , things that never bothered her before all of a sudden bother her , she will make excuses for why she is upset with you acting like it’s the worst thing imaginable when really it isn’t , Girls are very vulnerable, when another guy gets her attention he is basically telling her everything she wants to hear making it that whatever you say to her you are just a piece of shit , one thing I learned about girls is to always trust your gut , if your gut instinct suspects something is off then more than likely it is. When a girl loves you and respects you she isn’t going to have a hard time respecting you and denying you intimacy and affection , when it feels like you are the only one giving and not receiving it’s best to play it cool and act like nothing is going on. I know people are going to not agree with this but you have to focus on yourself and do what is best for you , don’t sit around like a sitting duck hoping she is going to come back to you , open yourself up

[Finchie40]

To meeting someone else , if you end up in bed with another girl hey she had her chance and she fucking blew it , I made that mistake with my ex thinking love will save the day and sadly the truth is there wasn’t any love it was convenience , but I sat there like a sitting duck to realize she was being drilled by a co worker and I busted her red handed , I will never allow a girl to do that shit to me again , If she wants to be distant from me and crush on other guys she is best to keep continuing her selfish actions because I will be selfish as well. If a girl wants to commit to be single then she won’t last long with me , plain and simple , I can only give to her what I want to receive in return , I can only remove selfishness for her if she does the same for me , You are not a fucking punching bag , a girl that loves you will look up to you and stand by your side not jump on other cocks period , When she stops jumping on yours get prepared to kick her to the curb where she belongs because there are plenty of girls that wants a guy that knows what it means to be in a relationship , kick the selfish ones aside , they are the whores that will never experience true love they will just experience STD’s period

[RavVid]

I sum it up with "If something seems odd, it is usually because it is". There a little off note that start popping up red alerts.

The other thing I have learn't is that since liars lie and make up a story, the story is not consistent. Details vary or it becomes expanded. So you outwardly accept the story but come back to a few days later with something conversational like "They're treating you badly making you stay back so often". The story will change.

[Finchie40]

Yup or they will play dumb acting like they have no clue , looking at you like you are crazy , and the truth is , yes I am crazy , crazy to still be with you , I will only date girl’s that are honest with me any signs of lies and stories that don’t line up , I kick her to the curb

[Wisdom-Strength-Love]

Im not married but that makes me mad for you. It ain't justified on her end if its the dude preventing it. He looks like some gallant noble knight and you still get the short end of the stick. If i had a crush and wanted to be righteous in my marriage, the crush would not know, my partner would not know, and it goes stays in the lane of my fantasies where all the women i had been attracted to during a relationship remain until ties are severed.
🖕🏼🫵🏼👰🏻‍♀️

[Wisdom-Strength-Love]

She probably even more attracted to him playing the “off limits” card.

Like i said 🖕🏼🫵🏼👰🏻‍♀️

[mobiusforniner]

Is it normal to find someone else attractive? Of course. My wife and I joke about this all the time.

Is it normal to have a pursuing interest in said attractive person? Well, short answer- no. Having been there, this is a good time to reflect on any challenges within your marriage relationship. What areas of your relationship does your wife find satisfying in this other person?

[TaureanBull81]

Having a crush on someone else when you're married doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It also is not a reflection of your marriage. Believe it or not, having a crush may not mean anything at all. In fact, people in happy, healthy, committed relationships can still develop these feelings for other attractive people.

[Anemone978]

It is not normal.. if it has gone far enough for a crush.. and the dude knows about it.. she don't love you.. divorce her ass...

[Adaeva]

Don't most married have a fantasy crush on a movie star that likely they will never meet? We all have our fantasies and I believe they are harmless.

[slatyb]

Absolutely normal. I crush on women all the time. I'm not going to end a great marriage to chase after them.

[OfMiceandMen]

Sure, but it is not normal to act on those crush feelings.

[ChillaxingLove]

she's cheating with her heart. From the heart comes the issues of life.

[EaterPeter]

Yes. Crushes happens. Not everything is in our control. And they can be due tos other under lying relationship problems. There are lot of departments in relationship. When we lack in certain important area crush can happen.
.

[modeve]

Though not normal however I know a couple of my friends who have crush while married.

[mommymommymommy]

This would prove that girls and guys really can't be "just friends". If you like someone while you're married, what are you doing, being friends with them?

[Juxtapose]

You want to get married to someone who could stay devoted to you throughout the ages of eternity. This bitch can't even stay devoted to you for what, 10 or 20 years?

Get a new girl.

[Juxtapose]

*wanted to

[gorydetails]

She's married, not dead. If she's having an emotional affair, that's one thing, but a crush is relatively harmless.

[invalid1]

No it's not, you dick is contested during the relationship then it's over!

[Akam93]

I had a crush on a married man. And he liked me also.

[Reddy4it]

I’m not married…but I can’t imagine not having a crush on someone even if I was…

[shades777]

Just don't be surprised if he's getting some action when you mess up.

[msc545]

You need to get legal advice at this point and perhaps pre-emptively divorce her.

[Luckycharms12]

A crush is harmless acting on it on the other hand would be very wrong

[VirginousBeta]

Subconsciously we are always seeking new mates that drive never goes away we just repress it

[melnc]

That's why I chose to stay single

[DellBell]

its normal

[Anonymous]

Be attracted to, yes. Have a crush on them? No

[KrakenAttackin]

Your wife is looking for some strange.

[Kidblink1]

I would find a good divorce lawyer dude.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it can happen