Can someone please help me figure out if what i’m feeling is insecurity, resentment, trauma or anything else?

[Anonymous]

hi guys, i know a lot of you that are going to comment are not therapist, i, at this very moment in my life can’t afford to see one so i’m coming on here hoping one of you can help me figure out what i’m feeling. my boyfriend and i have been together for 9 years, we’ve had a lot of ups and downs. so a lot of our arguments are because of him liking girls pictures on instagram, DMing a couple of them telling them they are gorgeous, talking to a girl on facebook, saving girls bikini pictures or butt pictures on his phone. he will tell me he’s not doing any of it when i asked and when i search his phone, i find him liking girls pictures, saving them. after years of this, he finally stopped because he got kicked out of instagram. i searched through facebook the other day and i found that he liked another butt picture this year i’m February. i was livid, i asked and his excuse was it was a mistake. he then unfollowed her and told me that i was more important and he didn’t even remember doing it. i said it “you will find another butt picture and like it” so the day goes on and we see each other and another fight occurs. in my head i’m thinking “this guy is not being faithful if he’s liking girls pictures” so i was in a middle of saying something and instead of the original sentence, i said “this is why i can’t be faithful” everything went downhill from there. he asked why i said that and i said it was a mistake and i’ll never cheat on him. he didn’t believe that answer and continued to bring it up. i was sick of it and stopped responding, he didn’t like it. he then said “we are a mistake, give me the ring back” and told me to leave his house. also he loves to drink beer with his friends, he will a lot of the times choose his friends over me. i hate that so i argue about that also. we also don’t go out on dates, we don’t go on adventures, nothing. i argue that he doesn’t take me out anywhere. what do you think i am feeling towards him?

[Anonymous]

Have no fear because jasondaman is here

It seems like you might be experiencing a mix of emotions, including insecurity, resentment, and possibly even trauma. It's understandable to feel insecure and resentful when your partner has a history of liking other girls' pictures and engaging with them on social media. This behavior can be hurtful and make you question whether or not your partner is faithful and committed to the relationship.

It's possible that you may also be experiencing trauma or emotional distress from the years of dealing with this behavior from your partner. It can be difficult to trust someone who has repeatedly betrayed your trust and engaged in behavior that makes you feel insecure and uncomfortable.

It's important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings and concerns. If he is not willing to listen to your concerns and make changes to his behavior, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship and consider whether it is healthy and fulfilling for you.

It's also important to prioritize your own well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if needed. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel loved, respected, and valued.

[MementoMori777]

I'm not trying to excuse his behavior but those choices of words would have had me trippin as well considering finding someone faithful nowadays is hard and having that come out of someone mouth from someone you supposedly trust and love and see them as faithful makes you question their loyalty because it's not something people just say, it seems like you battle yourself to be faithful and loyal and I'd assume that's why you got this reaction, don't get me wrong I'm sure it just came out of anger and frustration but I agree, it wasn't meant to be, you don't seem happy either so find someone else, clearly this relationship brings you nothing but stress and unhappiness, give him his ring and keep moving forward, I'm sure you won't regret it after some time, leave him to liking pictures of butts, you go find yourself someone as faithful as yourself and that will love and appreciate your effort and presence.

[Asker]

yes i understand. what do you think it is though? insecurity? resentment, trauma? i’m trying to youtube ways to heal but i won’t know what search if i don’t know what my problem is.

[MementoMori777]

Depends on what you are talking about, what exactly makes you wonder this? The way you act when he likes pictures of other women?

[Asker]

yes, exactly

[MementoMori777]

This is a normal reaction, it's disappointment, sadness and maybe some jealousy, it's possible there might be some insecurity if you are a person with insecurities, could be frustration as well.