You lose yourself trying to fix them and making them happy even if it means forgetting your own happiness.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you forgot yourself?
Definitely and it wasn't just romantic love it was the love I have for family and friends.
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When I was younger then you make them the center of the universe. Which isn’t healthy.
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- 3.6K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
When I was younger, my love for others was unguarded and I did not set emotional boundaries that limited how much love I had for other people. This lead to disastrous emotional consequences when I got rejected because I did not put limits on how much I loved people beyond the biological ones.
Once I learned boundaries, I always considered my own happiness and not just the happiness of others. This also led to me attracting more men because they did not feel like they were the only one responsible for my happiness, which no human being can give you without your own commitment to your happiness too.
Women who do this not only hurt themselves but can also hurt the man very deeply in the long run.
Once these women realize that the “image” they had of the guy isn’t real and/or possible then get all heartbroken and devastated. But the man they were chasing actually heard the constant “I love you” when she was in love with the image. And some point he might of really believed it.
About 8 years ago I dated a young woman who really believed I was her dream man. I never lead her on or “love” bombed her. She said “I love you first” and hundreds of times afterwards
Truth is I felt the same about her but I had two major alarm bells going off in my head: 1) I was scared she was in love with the fantasy of who I thought I was not the real me 2) I was in a position in my life I really couldn’t be in a relationship. I was in a very unstable career however I refuse to be financially dependent on a woman.
Long story but she not only ended up breaking up with me but disavowing me like I was less than human. The things she said to me in the end was one of the deepest insults I’ve ever taken from a woman in my life. Complicated but it was mostly due to her discovering her “fantasy” wasn’t true despite me being very transparent about my flaws and insecurities from the beginning.
But when you hear “I love you” for almost an entire year it’s not like you don’t start to believe it. I was devastated about what she said to me in the end. She believed what she was saying too. It was said in an even tone and it was cold and callous.
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Been there, later regretted it. This is kind of a dark story though. I almost got married once. She would cheat on me all time, then give her mother money out of my paycheck, money I worked hard for, her whole family was lazy.
She would say nice things to me, tell me what I want to hear, and she had this sweet side. Near the end, sometimes she would call me up when I was at work and tell me not to come home because she had a guy coming over she was having sex with.
She and her mother would say mean things to me, my girlfriend would punch me in the face in front of her mother. One time I tried to push her off of me because she was choking me and her mother said if I touched her, she was calling the police. I passed out for I don't know how long.
I eventually started raising my voice and sticking up for myself, but I would be really mean and say ignorant things to me. I started becoming this mean person that hated everyone. One day she punched me so hard, I saw white stars. Then she climbed on top of me and kept laying her fists into my forehead. I finally lost it and pushed her onto the floor.
She called the police. All the bruises and cuts from her fingernails were on me. They told me to press charges but I didn't.
We were going to get married but five minutes before the wedding, she ran off to meet some guy from Indiana.
That whole time, I felt like I was this evil person. I had so much love, but also so much hate for her. I would've left sooner but I didn't think I could do any better. I still don't think I can do any better. I experience so much abuse from my parents and then my narcissistic aunt, and then last year I was homeless because my aunt put me in a really bad situation, and it wasn't safe there. I feel like I deserve everything that's happened to me.
These abusive people turned me into someone else. i don't know who was with. My parents or my ex-girlfriend.
- 2.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Yes , with my ex wife , I thought she was the best thing to ever happen to me , I felt I finally met a girl that I felt I could easily trust and felt was in it for the long haul which she was for a long time , but she changed and even though my gut instincts felt something was off I didn’t want to believe it and just kept making excuses that it was my insecurities that were making me feel this way to realize my gut instincts were actually right all along , I ended up busting her having an affair with a co worker and I was devastated , and also my final straw to kick her to the curb where she belongs
- 4.7K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
I think we've all been there. Hopefully most of us learn from it to. This is why I say the best thing a guy can do for himself is know his boundaries. You have to have a base idea of what you need out of a relationship. And those base needs are non negotiable. If you don't get them, she doesn't get you. After that you have to accept who she is. Both the good and the bad. Yes you need to know what your deal breakers are and communicate them. But after that, you have to accept who she is. I found life got infinitely easier when I learned to accept what people gave and not put my expectations on them. If you can't do that, do both of you a favor and don't form a relationship.
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“Fixing them” is a harsh way to put it. people are different and differences can either be bargained or accepted as a part of the whole package.
But for “the making them happy”, yah it’s frustrating. Especially when they take you for granted because of it. You end up giving more to ignite the spark back, forgetting that you already filled the bucket and then you get frustrated at them not appreciating it and you forgetting yourself because of it. - 1.3K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
That reminds me of my first LD relationship. I left myself out to try to make her happy. In the process you usually lose complete awareness of how that undermines your self-esteem. Next thing you know: you didn't fix anything, nor anyone, but you certainly screw up your inner peace.
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Yep. And I found an alcoholic who didn't care, and never even read some of my letters. And then tried to control my speech, like she had any right.
She's gonna find me even harder to control today. -
This mindset usually differs in men.
The way we consider that we truly love someone is when we "DO NOT" lose ourselves in the whirlwind of passion. When being in our right state of mind we mindfully choose to sacrifice and give ourselves faithfully to that person is when we do not FEEL in love, rather it is when we KNOW we are in love.
- 669 opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Absolutely had a boyfriend in college that had narcissistic personality disorder. He put me through the ringer. It was the worst experience I've ever had. I almost lost myself in it.
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Sorry I never been with someone long enough yet.
I've only dated here and there. Nothing serous yet
Maybe some day
- 2.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Yeah, and I don't intend to let that happen again.
The only person who has loved me more than myself is my mother and I should remind myself of that next time I want to bend over backwards for somebody.
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YUP!😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫
Its happens to the best of us
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Yes, but it's never worth it. Try practicing self love primarily.
- 5.2K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
I think that has happened to me. I didn;t try to fix her but really worked my whole life around her.
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Yes ma'am I have. It is both exhilarating and heartbreaking.
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No, that's impossible for me... but I wonder how it would be if someone loved me so much it made me love them.
- 1.3K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
All three times and they took it vantage of it, and that’s why I am on my third divorce
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No, but I came close a couple of times.
- 1.1K opinions shared on Relationships topic.
Absolutely not. My happiness is a major priority. If they don’t match up to that, it’s not worth my time.
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