How do I work on my confidence and stop being an awkward loser?

[Anonymous]

Okay, so I’m 21 and never had a girlfriend, never even kissed anyone. Laugh all you want but it’s that bad. I’m the most awkward person ever and I think this is down to my confidence. I’m horrendous at meeting anyone new, let alone women I find attractive but I normally just ignore everyone I don’t know, don’t look or smile at them when walking past and ik this makes me come across like an arrogant prick, believe me I do but I just feel as if that is the best option. Rather than awkwardly smiling at them, if someone speaks to me first, then obviously I will talk back but it doesn’t mean I won’t stutter or embarrass myself with lack of social skills. I have never liked myself and always seen every new person as judging me on my looks (which ik sounds ridiculous) but it is what it is and therefore I’ve never had any confidence. I’m just looking for advice on how to improve this and not come across like an arrogant jerk even though ik I am all the time by just blanking most people at my work or in public that I don’t know. Best I can explain it lol

[OldWomanBySoul]

Well for one, I can tell you that literally every girl friend of mine finds awkward dudes endearing as do I. But from my own lifelong awkward social interactions I can tell you that being awkward with people is way better than never interacting with anyone and that way you develop more social skills as well. I started just chatting up strangers at bus stops or just complimenting random people and not only has it given me more courage, it actually lessened my social anxiety as well. Oh and SMILEEEE, yes that actually works as well even though you're bound to have awkward interactions with people but after a while you'll just laugh at it looking back.

Few days ago I had extremely awkward moment with a random dude on a bus

(I sat in the window seat and I had to get off the bus so I smiled at the dude who sat next to me as I pushed the stop button and so he sat across the isle so I could get off and he said something to me, you may ask what did he say? I've got no fucking clue cause I was wearing headphones at first and then I took one off and turned to the dude and he repeated himself and I didn't understand still and he repeated once more AND I STILL DIDN'T UNDERSTAND so I just awkwardly smiled at him and nodded and he clearly saw that I didn't understand and because there was person standing Infront of me I couldn't move away either and at that moment obviously the best thing that could happen happened. The bus stopped before the crosswalk and for another excruciatingly long minute I stood next to him in the most embarrassingly long awkward silence. I don't know if he was talking in another Language (if it was English, russian or my first language I would've understood but I didn't so either I'm stupid and my brain stopped functioning or he talked completely different language) I wanted the ground to swallow me and in the moment it felt like it would never end but surprisingly the next day I told my friends about it and they obviously laughed at my horribly awkward encounter but I didn't feel embarrassed anymore and I did found it funny as did they. I just hope if I ever meet him again it won't be as awkward lmao

Anyway, my point being. You can't learn to ride a bike without getting on the bike and trying and the first tries will probably be horrifying as hell but you'll get the hang of it as you keep trying. If not, you'll never know how awesome it is to ride a bike cause you never tried.

[thatshydork]

First things first, get the idea out of your head that everybody’s judging you. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’ll help a lot. Know that almost everybody else is thinking something along the same lines and even if they are judging, they’ll forget why in like 0.5 seconds (ok maybe not that fast but you get my point). You also need to work on how you view yourself too. We’ve all gone through more than one phases where we didn’t like ourselves. Even the most confident person in the world falters from time to time. What helps is to stop all this negative talk. Avoid doing things like calling yourself a loser and start complimenting yourself. It may seem coo-coo, but it works for me. On days where I feel insecure, I find one thing I like and compliment myself out loud. About your stutter/embarrassing yourself, so what? Everybody has embarrassing stories or times where they’ve stuttered and if they say otherwise, they’re a big fat liar. What makes all the difference is how you choose to react. Do you let it ruin your day or do you laugh and let it go? You can choose to let the embarrassing moment ruin your day or you can laugh it off. Most people won’t even remember it happened by the next day anyways, so you may as well just laugh and let it go.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Confidence can either come naturally to some or it has to be worked on, in your case it has to be worked on.

You can only be confident in knowing who you actually are as a person.

Accept all the good, bad and ugly about yourself is the 1st step you have to take as it gives you, you're real identity.

You can't be confident if you are confused about who you actually are as a person.

It's who you are and don't be ashamed of yourself.

2nd step is to properly take care of your body which means take a shower, smell fresh, comb your hair and have a nice haircut as the image you see in the mirror will make you feel good about yourself.

3rd step is to dress like you have some damn sense.

A nice shirt, decent looking pants that fit you and nice shoes. Doesn't have to be expensive at all.

4th step is to join a gym and begin to exercise, you don't have to built big muscles but exercising especially running releases hormones that builds your mood and self esteem in a positive way.

Go to the gym if you can about at least 3 times a week.

Don't expect a sudden change within days, as things typically take a bit of time.

Do this constantly for about to 2 to 3 months and your mind will be shifted to where you will feel confident about yourself.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

By forcing yourself into those uncomfortable situations and falling flat on your face a lot. Post a lot on here and interact with as many people. Start off in real life by listening to conversations and learning the components of a natural one.

Talk and ask about interests, find one you can speak intelligently on as quickly as possible without making the other person feel like you're fishing. It takes practice but that's the falling on your face part.

Pay attention to people's facial expressions to gage how well you're doing. Do they roll their eyes or tighten their lips when you change the topic or talk for too long? Learn to recognize the difference between what I like to call encouraging body language and stressful body language.

Developing your own understanding of these things in my opinion is the foundation for communicating your personality to others.

[Pinay_ako]

Let all your negative feelings and doubts about yourself go! Shake it all off! Stop calling yourself an awkward loser or arrogant jerk. Give yourself your own pep talk of how you want to be talked to. Confidence starts from within and if you don’t have it, it will show. Start with a simple smile, not an overly toothy smile. A nod and eyebrow raise whenever you come across people (regardless of their looks) can help in socializing without words. Practice on how to interact with people with these simple exercises which can go a long way as you go. Don’t look down or look lost. Look ahead.

[es_annie]

First of all, give your brain some rest! Focus on what’s being said in the conversations & your interactions rather than listening to your thoughts all the time.

I know it’s easy for me to say, “stop overthinking.” but sometimes you need to realize that there is more out there than your mind tells you.

Secondly, understanding yourself as an individual is very important. What do you enjoy? What are your likes/dislikes? Your values? etc. You can’t be confident without knowing more about yourself!

[Bricealan]

Comes with time... and experience... you are 21... and you will gain that as you mature... Keep in mind... even in my 30's I let shit go by that I should NOT have, by NOT having the confidence to stand up for myself when I damn well should have... we only gain that confidence with experiences in life and holding onto our beliefs and not allowing 'self doubt' to let others take advantage of us.

[jshm2]

What you need are more supporting and active parents and a better friend group. Can't do much about your parents, but you can talk to them about being more supportive. But friends you can pick and choose ones who will talk to you and help you develop social skills.

[stepyo99]

Consistent effort. Find a skill that gives you a sense of fulfillment and become good at it. It can be work or a hobby. That will give you self-confidence. Exercise and a healthy diet are good for you too. Also, force yourself to initiate interactions with people. Doing it over and over again will make you better at it and less anxious.

[bingbongbangbung]

I've been romantically involved before at 20 but never went past that because I didn't wanna be used as a rebound. I actually didn't even wanna do any dating during college cause I know many feminists are not relationship material. So basically I got tricked into being romantically involved in a cosmic sort of way.

[Emelina]

When a girl talks to you or smiles at you just go with it, and see where it takes you. Have a friend or a family member to support you and to encourage you that everything will work out the way it should.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Go to a strip club and get a probate dance. While you're in there, tell the girl you just want to talk but you'll still pay.
Tell her what a loser you are and maybe even cry a little. She'll make you feel better with her boobies

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Lol, I meant private dance

[Nikki1989]

Break out of your comfort zone. Force yourself to enter situations you are no experience with. From there, you will grow as a person very quickly.

[slatyb]

Can you get some counseling? How was your childhood? Often there's lack of confidence is a result of childhood neglect or worse.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

For the beginning, stop calling yourself awkward loser.

[shades777]

You definitely not going to get lucky if you keep mopping around like "woe is me", your probably not in a gym if doing any sports or in college so try those first

[MeatPuppet]

Avoid looking like an awkward loser. Be mindful of the way you carry yourself. That's posture, tone of voice, gait, body language, etc.

[Iron_Man]

Find your way to the gym then start talking to women build your confidence

[kaoru712]

make little changes, go to the gym, change your style, try to make more friends.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me how I look at this from a different perspective now

[Peter_Penetrator]

Have you tried therapy?

[Äxlbäksölöl]

G O T O T H E G Y M

[Äxlbäksölöl]

4 TIMES A WEEK AND DO A FULL BODY WORKOUT EVERYTIME