How to ask question about girlfriend's past?

[Anonymous]

Simple and quick. We've been dating for about 8 months now and I really do love her. We want to get married and eventually have kids, the whole 9 yards. But, For the past fews day I've been having a few questions about my girlfriend's past.

I don't have any sexual experience at all really and my girlfriend does. I want to know whether she's given oral before. I know it may sound childish but if I'm imaging a future with this woman, I'd like to have an idea of what she's done and hasn't. What would be a good way of going about asking that without offending her or making her feel embarrassed? I don't intention to judge her. I love her very much and am just curious given some of the conversations that we've had in the past (she touched on the topic but danced around it a bit and didn't get into the nitty gritty, I'd like a yes or no with a maybe a little detail).

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this message and responses are much appreciated.

Also, we haven't done anything (we're waiting).

[Anonymous]

A retelling of whether or not she’s done oral does nothing for you because it’s not your experience. You’d be better off receiving that from her yourself to get an actually relevant idea of what you have to look forward to for the rest of your life. I’ve been with my partner going on two years and we don’t get into what we did with our ex’s, we communicate, ask each other what the other likes, because it’s about him and I not him and another woman or vice versa. Create your own experience rather than ask her to relive an old one with someone else.

[Asker]

You're right, it doesn't do anything for me aside from inform me.. if she hasn't, I'll be ecstatic but if she has, then it'll probably hurt a lot. I'm not asking because I want her to be experienced for us in the future but mores just to have an idea of the kind of stuff that she's done sexually. I understand where you're coming from and I'm sure that works for your situation, but I feel like mine is a bit different given that I don't have any past partners really. I guess so...

[Opinion Owner]

So why weren’t these things you asked months ago, even before your official? You’ve already kissed her and done whatever other things, knowing you weren’t her first in any of it. So why now? I’m not saying that my situation has to be yours, I’m saying you should focus on what’s happening between you two, not in her past. I’m not sure I’d say it’s immature but it is insecure, and very irrelevant.

[Asker]

I didn't ask months ago to try and be respectful. It is a very insecure thing but you have to keep in mind the past that I'm coming from. I've had many opportunities in the past to not do those things and I always passed them up because I always had my eyes fixed on being with a special girl who had done the same. It does feel a little funny to wonder if I'm locking lips with a someone who used to put them in a not so good place. I dunno. It is immature, insecure, irrelevant, whatever you choose to call it, but it's my life and my view. I wish I didn't think this way but I can't help it.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, get ready to mess up a lot of opportunities for yourself, if not with one question then another. If you’re fixating on having a pure woman because you’re inexperienced then you’ve already wasted your time with this woman, because she’s not a virgin no matter what.

[Asker]

You’re 1000% right

[Sirenboobzilla]

In your situation I don't think that's information you'd actually want to know; could end up making you feel like you're competing with past partners.

However, for the sake of an answer:
To start, I'd wait until AFTER you guys finally do the deed; maybe even after a few times. Takes time to build your rhythms and learn what each person likes/dislikes. After that it could be a bit easier talking about past experiences.

[Asker]

You're completely right.. I don't think I would want to know the answer but it does bother me.. I know it may sound extremely immature but it kinda makes me feel funny about locking lips with her. I feel like that'd be too late. We're most likely going to do that once we're married so I'd be too deep in to be asking questions like that because regardless of how I feel, I wouldn't be able to do anything. Also, for some reason to me.. that feels like living a lie. Me finding out only after we're married and all.

[Sirenboobzilla]

If you feel that strongly about it, then just ask her. But make sure to reassure her of your intentions first

[Asker]

That sounds like the best way to go about handling the sitaution. I'm going to wait for the right moment. It doesn't bother me as much as I've made it seen in the question..

[misogynistic_pig]

I just pretend to support her so that she tells everything without fear of being judged, and if I find something I don't like about her past I throw her out.

[Asker]

I agree with her being comfortable with you, I dunno about tossing her out if you hear something you don't like.

[ZXCwWRQWz]

What about have sex with her and then after you have sex, kind of humorously ask if she's been with other guys?

[Asker]

I think it'd be a little too late by then, I would like to know now.

[Agape93]

It's not your business, so why ask? It gives you nothing even if she told you.

[Asker]

It’s not my business? If you’re marrying the person and want to spend the rest of your life with them, I think you’re entitled to know a thing or two about their past and the things they’ve done

[Agape93]

Think it all you want, you're not entitled to it. It's HER past and HER business, just as YOUR past is YOUR business. Neither have an obligation to divulge it unless they want to do so.

[In_Trance]

You don't want that. You don't even know her yet

[Asker]

I think you're right and that scares me