Should you apologize for things years in the past?

Question

Is it worth it to apologize to people for things that are years in the past? I want them to know how much I regret my inexcusable actions but I feel they are definitely over this by now or have completely forgotten about it I feel like apologizing at this point would be way to late and basically meaningless also don't want to make them revisit bad memories they might have completely forgotten about already. Should I apologize? I was really rude for no reason at all to this one lovely girl for just texting me saying hey trying to start a convo with me I've wanted to apologize forever I feel terrible about that but I feel like it's way to late and another girl I sent a pic that was getting shared around of her and asked if it was really her when I knew damn well it was I feel especially horrible about that one and I really hope she's okay but that was years ago too I don't know if it's just to late to apologize for this stuff but every time I think about it reminds me of how terrible a person I am.

SaRang21 · Accepted Answer

I see that you have a desire to apologise, if so, I recommend you to do it! Don’t let society tell you to do what doesn’t hurt others. I think you will keep thinking about it if you don’t do it, so please do it. You’re saying sorry, what’s the worst it could get?

I once reached out to someone after 6 years for closure because I couldn’t make sense of what they did, I feel like I was hurt and I just wanted to know what was wrong. Yes I know people will say “just move on” “it’s the past now” “they’ve forgotten about it” “you should forget about it”.. etc. 9 out of 10 people told me not to reach out but I didn’t listen to them and I did, and I feel relieved after that. We should prioritise our emotion well being, that means if you feel like doing something will help you feel better, you should do it. (If it doesn’t hurt others)
Forget about years and how much time has passed, who knows if the other person has got over it or not, those feelings may not be forefront but sometimes the hurt feeling is still there. It’s not about losing pride or anything, it’s taking care of one’s emotions.
I have to admit that I’m not a person who can just sweep my feelings and emotions under a rug and move on with life. I’m not proud of faking I don’t care. I do care. I have no fear of expressing my feelings and emotions when I feel I need to.

Sometimes it’s an ego thing that you don’t wanna reach out to people after years, you’re afraid what the other person thinks of you. Forget about “years”.

DarkCarousel · Accepted Answer

It depends on your reasoning. The idea of an apology seems like it would always be positive but it would depend on if you’re doing it for them or for yourself— and that’s hard to determine. You don’t know if your apology would reopen wounds or disrupt their current state of life.

BoopBoopBeep · Accepted Answer

Sure. If you're doing it for them. If you're doing it for you then you've used them enough already.

I was bullied in school. People tried to take my lunch money. My mom worked three jobs so I could have that money, so I fought for it every time. Lost more than I won, until I didn't. Eventually nobody was taking my lunch money. It wasn't worth it to them.

35 years later somebody comes up to me and says sorry I took your lunch money that time after library training... I'll smile and say something like "That was nice of you to say. I hope you learned to do better." and go about my day. I'm not going to feel some great weight has been lifted which has been persecuting me every day and me and ol'boy aren't going to go out and grab a beer together. Be realistic in your expectations, be humble, be brief and be gone. And don't interject a bunch of reasons/exposition/excuses. What you did was inexcusable, don't act like it wasn't. The only reason is because you were a shitty person and they already know that. It's also not your place to use the time to talk about how unshitty you've become (and I sincerely hope you have) because they don't owe you that much of their time.

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

It's never too late to apologize, but the apology may lose its effect if it's been a long time coming.

Pinay_ako · Answer

It’s never too late for apologies especially if it’s heartfelt. Tomorrow isn’t promised

Anonymous · Answer

You should definitely apologize no matter what. Don't look for forgiveness, just apologize and then move on. They don't have to forgive you if they don't want to.

When you apologize, don't linger and talk to them because they could still be hurting and looking to hurt you back and that may leave you regretful for wanting to apologize in the first place.

So either this is a text, send that text and don't try to talk to them anymore. If in person, keep it short and then leave. Try to not make it uncomfortable by talking to them an hour straight.

I think it's a good idea to apologize because that looks favorable in God's eyes. You are attempting to be a better person. By doing what's right. There is nothing wrong with that.

Though, at the same time you may be contacting them for selfish reasons. You are trying to make yourself feel better by apologizing because what if the answer to helping that person move on is to leave them alone and never bother them again?

You would be reopening a wound for them, reminding them of that hurt and then selfishly making it about yourself by apologizing to them to make yourself feel better.

However, if that's not what you are doing. If you can distinctively say this isn't about you, you know deep down that person would like to be contacted and receive your apology then definitely do it. It's just good to think these things out before doing it. Good luck.

Sour-rose · Answer

Nah. Not mine. If I wanted to apologize, i take a bite of my finger (not actually) and apologize because... shit, that's how you mature. But all the times i made a mistake, i ain't gonna find everyone apologize for a good reason. It was... the past. And the old me is now sleeping and doesn't wake up very often

Jltakk · Answer

I have many inexcusable and dark memories in my past I wish I could take back. The right thing in my opinion is to apologize no matter how long ago, provide that closure, even if they do not forgive you, just accept it and hopefully it helps you finally move on with your life. Good luck, champ. It's hard for both parties, but as long as you remain respectful and honest, it should work out alright.

strateguy632 · Answer

i think nothing over a few months is worth reminding unless they complain. then you can say "do you have to say it like that? i regret what i did" or something like that.

DSan09 · Answer

Definitely, also take on count that the apologize are for you to feel better, the other person actually don’t care about it, they will forgive you whenever they want, no necessarily when you apologize :)

Blueeyes81 · Answer

If it's just to relieve your conscience then no. Thats just a selfish reason. If you think it would bring them harm, no. If you think it can help them heal then yes. Use your guilt to guide future decisions.

itsalyssaagain · Answer

Yes. I think it is. Especially if you’ve hurt someone. Just because time went by, and that person healed, that doesn’t mean that what happened has been erased.

Spongebobssocks · Answer

No I'm sure they would appreciate it. Nobody will get mad at you for apologizing.

wepiwod · Answer

Ask the person, given the situation. I’ve screwed up with friends. Years later flat out asked them if they wanted another apology or if they let it go. They said it meant a lot to just ask them. Turned out cool.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

If you feel strongly about it, yes. Just don't assume that because you apologize you will be forgiven.

tfan1 · Answer

No. What is done is done. You can’t go back and change it no matter how much you want to. 😞

Luopio27 · Answer

I will give you my moral support on your quest to redemption. Its better late than never.

Quigly · Answer

I think you are right. Don't bring it up unless they do. If they are willing to put it in the past, then so should you.

Surely · Answer

According to California. It is never too late for reparations!  Be a man and apologize to her. Regardless of what she says or does.

OddBeMe · Answer

If it still bothers them. Apologizes are meaningless, really. It’s just showing appreciation of the person.

Christoff92 · Answer

I did. But however some people still love being in the past 😐

mysticqueen · Answer

It’s never to late to apologize it may bring them the closure they need to get over whatever happened.

SolitarySolace · Answer

No. The past is the past. Worry about the future

dreamstar72 · Answer

Depends on why you are doing it. Ego trip NO.

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