My fiance cheated on me and I forgive him.. but I feel like he loves her.. what shoud I do?

[Anonymous]

He cheated on me for six months wheb he was in another counrty.. he confess cheating and told me that he felt lonely abd i am the one who he loves.. i decide to forgive him and work on our relationship but i always feel that he loves her.. i ask him always and he answerd no.. but his actions shows different thing.. i love him s much but i am affraid to marry him.. he always says that i am the one suitable for him and if i leave i will ruin his life but he dont say that he loves me.. shoud i believe my feelings

[OlderAndWiser]

There are two types of people in my world; there are those who have never violated my trust, and they are worthy of my continued trust and respect. Then there are those who have violated my trust in the past, and they are not worthy. He had a choice to make and he made it not once or twice but every time he was with her for six months. This is not one isolated mistake; it was an ongoing conscious decision. He didn't accidentally cheat; it was deliberate, intentional, and he was very conscious of his commitment to you every time he violated it.

Why did you forgive him? Because you don't want to be angry for the rest of your life. I agree with forgiving him for that reason, but. . . forgiving him does not mean that you are obligated to continue the relationship.

He had a reason, an excuse, a "justification" to cheat. Every other cheater has a reason, excuse, or "justification" every time they cheat. And it always revolves around selfishness. He was selfish when he was having sex with another woman while you were at home being faithful. Now, he wants you to stay because HE will feel bad if you leave. He is still focusing on himself and not you. In his mind, he is halfway to erasing this event from his consciousness. He has your forgiveness and now he needs for you to stay, then he can tell himself that all of the potential consequences have been avoided and he is free to continue living without guilt, without taking responsibility for the permanent harm he has done to you, and he is free to cheat again.

Stay with him, marry him, and have babies. Guess what your children will learn from their father? Selfishness. And perhaps they will also be aware all of those times in the future when he cheats again. And they will see you tolerating it so perhaps they will get the idea that it is okay for a man to cheat on his partner. Is this the best you can do for a role model for your future children?

He made a decision - a wrong decision - and has caused horrible consequences for you. Now, YOU have a decision to make and if you make the wrong decision, YOU will be bringing horrible consequences on yourself. To paraphrase Rabbi Hillel, if you are not for yourself, who else should be?

[ohsheeT]

When he cheated he had a choice you are the other girl he picks the other girl and of course kept coming home to you as if nothing happened and then the day he gets caught he blamed you because he was lonely

You answered you question in so many words

And you can't . Ruined anybody's life except for your own by not making the right choice you can't ruin his life he's already ruined his and he tried to ruin yours then he lied to you he cheated you and then he blamed you

None of us can tell you what to do it's your heart it's your life it's your decision it's your choice but each and every day for a long time you're going to wonder what he's doing when he's not at home or when he's gone out with somebody else the guys or whatever it's always going to be in your mind

And we all see love different from each other so if you really love the guy and you forgave them you can still walk away from him and let him prove to you how much he loves you start all over again and let him prove to you how much he loves you he will tell you within the first week the first month he will have to come over and see you you'll have to call you let him prove it to you

[mistletoe11]

You feel like you love him and you fear loosing his presence in your life at the moment, being together for 7 years is a big deal. Love usually transitions to habit at this point. Ask yourself, would you ever be able to trust him again? even if he stops turning to other girls and stays with you claiming that he loves you. Would you believe him 100%? would you stop asking him for validation and whether he loves you? It will be a constant battle. Take some time off, not necessarily break it totally off but take some much deserved space, sort your thoughts out and question how you want your future to look like. Relationships can be redeemed but sometimes for your own piece of mind and happiness its better to let things go, or they might just consume you and create toxicity.

[Ms_Facesitter]

You forgive but haven't gotten over it. I don't think I would be able to do that, myself. I would go with my initial feeling that what once was, he destroyed and leave...

[hotwheelz78]

Absolutely you should always trust with your gut feeling have you ever trusted a gut feeling and wish that you hadn't? And have you ever ignored one and wished you hadn't? This isn't just a one-time thing this is an a everyday for 6 months thing apparently? This is not to hurt your feelings but it sounds to me like this is something that happens all too often which I almost got myself wrapped into. You are probably the stability that he (at least thinks) he wants but excitement and stability don't typically coincide. I was with a girl that was incredibly stable but also incredibly boring. And for a while I thought this was what I wanted as it turns out I was wrong. Stability is obviously fantastic for some people but excitement better suits others. The excitement of someone new also in a new land was probably very alluring to him. But eventually even the new becomes old. If you cheated on you for 6 months he would have cheated on her for 6 months. A person should not (necessarily) automatically be thrown away for cheating once possibly even twice, but for 6 months? Get rid of him!

[MementoMori777]

well you certainly can't just ignore them, if you notice the vibes are off then its possible he might still not be sure how he feels and he is confused but if marriage is a strong commitment and i personally believe if he couldnt keep that commitment when y'all are just together then why expect him to do it in a marriage, i dont think cheating should be forgivable but i guess it all depends how you feel, you dont seem happy if im detecting your vibes properly, you wouldn't be thinking twice of marriage with this person if you were.

[Asker]

No, i am not happy
But I have been in a relationship with this person for 7 years
He is a good person, and he told me that the other girl was sick with a chronic disease, and he felt guilty because he did that to her and me , and then he began to be confused about his feelings.. so i dont know what to do with him

[MementoMori777]

well if you aren't happy then thats bad for you and the fact that you aren't happy would mean at some point it will effect his happiness as well, only way for a marriage to work, y'all both have to be on the same page, you dont really think a one sided marriage would work do you?

[Asker]

No i dont think that.. but if i travelled to him ( we are now in ldr ) do you think we will rebuild love between us.. even if he had feeling for someone else but he dont want to go back to her

[MementoMori777]

I don't know its hard to tell, but you gotta ask yourself if its worth it to you, counting all the pros and cons of it

[BadApple69]

I was about to tell you a long story but it's not worth getting into it now... Just know I've been where you are. Your fiance is in love with her, it's near impossible to be with someone for 6 months and not have feelings. That being said he is there with you. I think his feelings for you are much stronger. Give it time, and don't push it. Be the better girlfriend. Be the one he wants to build a life with. When we are away from our loved ones and lonely we all do stupid things. Build on the future, the past will only drag you down.

[Sexiestjohnson]

The moment he said SUITABLE, that's all you need to know where his heart lies. He loves her no doubt. But you are more suitable and in the love game, suitability is better than affection every day, all year, all ages!

[Asker]

So should i stay?

[Sexiestjohnson]

I think you should weigh your options. Suitability is less than I want you forever. Suitability is you are my perfect one for this life time. If that is okay by you and he is suitable for you for this life, it is not a bad deal. In your next life, if you and God are tight, you can get that forever love

[itsalyssaagain]

Honestly you’re just going to end up getting even more hurt as the relationship goes by. You need to move on.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Lots of cheating posts today. I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something...

Highly doubt he loves her, sis

[Lansolot]

I'm sorry to be so harsh but this will never work :( . You're blinded by emotion. Please reach out to family and friends.

[Spongebobssocks]

Leave him. Cheaters are pussies. Unless you gay.. leave

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Your whole marriage will be filled with cheating and heartache.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Dump him, never forgive cheating.

[DextroShade]

Is he giving her anything other than dick?

[Asker]

Like what ?

[DextroShade]

Money, gifts, time, attention, etc.

[Asker]

I dont know we were on ldr.. i dont know what happened..

[Iron_Man]

And you’re going to get married like that

[Asker]

No i will not marry him until i know the turth but i dont know what to do

[Iron_Man]

Get the truth where there’s smoke, there’s fire

[Pterodon]

Dump him. The trust is gone forever

[grega239]

Leave him. Feeling lonely is not an excuse

[In_Trance]

What a gong show

[jimmy2]

Run away