Is it moral to have a relationship with a 20 year old girl as a 45 year old man?

Question

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Accepted Answer

Once I befriended an 43 yo Australian surfer in Bali who told me his love story about his 18 year old ex-lover. (We were just friends, as I wasn’t into men 20 years older than me)

The 18 years old Indonesian girl was kicked out by her parents and he sheltered her. But of course, as it happens, when a man shelters you, he expects to get something from you, so they grew into lovers, slept in the same bed and just basically lived like a married couple.

The guy was happy, he got 18 years old girlfriend who he fell in love with.

The girl though, wasn’t so happy, she left at the first possibility and that evening at the beach party we had, she arrived with a new boyfriend who was a 20 years old boy, they looked very happy together.

That girl and I talked friendly that evening on the beach when looking at sunset, I was 23 and we found a lot in common, she told me all the time while living with that surfer she felt used, exploited for her vulnerable position and that she never really loved him and only stayed with him because she had no other choice. She said they were incompatible because of their 23 year old difference and her first real love was a 20 year old boy who accompanied her that evening. Do I blame her? No, she was a 18 year old girl, with a brain still of a child trying to survive in a world.

Do I blame him? No. It’s hard to resist someone so young. But I think an older person should take more responsibility and shouldn’t use the vulnerability of the younger to his advantage. As well as judge the situation better, when trying to get into a relationship with a person 23 years his junior.

Now I have seen both perspective, I felt sad for both of them. But I understood the girl, being a girl myself and to a closer age category as she was. It has taught me that it’s always better to find someone whose maturity levels match yours.

chrissykerdock · Accepted Answer

men will try... remember rejection means nothing to a man because the world is full of woman so he asks a 20 year old who he probably doens't really expect a yes... but he'll try anyway... and sometimes a 20 will say yes to a 45 year,,, you don't really know for sure.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The morality of relationships between individuals with significant age differences is a complex and subjective topic that depends on various factors, including cultural norms, legal regulations, and personal values. It is important to approach such relationships with sensitivity and consideration for the well-being and consent of all parties involved.

In many societies, age differences in relationships are generally accepted as long as they are consensual and legal. However, it is essential to ensure that the relationship is built on mutual respect, equality, and genuine emotional connection rather than power imbalances or manipulation. Factors such as maturity, life goals, and compatibility in values and interests should be taken into account when considering any relationship, regardless of age.

If you find yourself in a situation where there is a significant age difference between you and someone else, it is crucial to communicate openly and honestly, and to be aware of the potential challenges and dynamics that may arise. Additionally, it is important to be aware of any legal requirements or restrictions that may apply in your jurisdiction regarding age of consent and age differences in relationships.

Ultimately, the moral judgment of such a relationship is subjective and can vary depending on individual perspectives and cultural norms. It is advisable to consider the well-being and happiness of both individuals involved and to seek open dialogue and understanding to ensure a healthy and consensual relationship.

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

Case by case basis.

I'm 45 and my partner is 22. She's not like the woman in LaFemmeFatale's story who has no where else to turn, that's exploitative.

We are in an LDR, but she's come to visit me, and I am visiting her in a couple months. When we talk on the phone, she tells me how happy she is that she gave the age gap a go, because she did have some hesitation about it, but feels really lucky that she was open to getting to know me.

As for moral, I don't feel any immorality. Her parents told her that they are happy as long as she's happy, and same has gone for her friends, coworkers, housemate. She tells me that so many people are excited to meet me from how much she talks about me. On my side, my friends and family are similarly supportive; they know I am capable of making my own healthy decisions in life.

Is it moral to have a relationship with a 20 year old girl as a 45 year old man?

https://www.mylondon.news/news/uk-world-news/woman-24-married-man-46-26368094

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t see an issue w that. If they’re happy they’re happy. I mean feminist want women to be able to make their own choices but in situations like this many of them are judgmental. I mean why is it that it’s always the man’s fault? Maybe she’s the one interested in him. I dated a lady once who was 40, I was 25. It lasted for a while, but she moved back to the east coast to take care of her mother. I didn’t want to move, so we went our own ways. I’m not saying I’m out looking for younger women, but if it did happen and things clicked I’d be ok w it. Besides at an older age I’d know how to treat her better than when I was younger. I’m way better off financially, so I’d be able to provide more, take her places I could never do when I was younger w a girl my age. A lot of the women who are my age or maybe in their 30’s, they’re bitter. Sure probably because they had some bad experiences I get that. Plus if a girl has already been here or there it doesn’t make you as happy as it would taking someone who’s never been to Italy or something like that.

Leapfrog00 · Answer

Age doesn't define a relationship. You could very well date someone your own age and still have a horrible relationship, and you could date someone older, and it could be wonderful, or vice versa. It's all about how happy the person makes you.

Going out with someone is like being on a roulette wheel. You might have to go through dozens of relationships before you find a good one or you might get lucky with the next one. Most people give up after a few tries and settle for ones that aren't great because they think they can't do any better. It all depends on you and how well the person makes you happy.

NamerOfStars · Answer

Moral? Of course- you're both consenting adults. It is smart? Not really; you're at very different points in life, and aren't likely to have much in common. But there's nothing WRONG with it.

As to why he'd rather date you when you're 20, the answer should be obvious: you're 20. The core of sexual attractiveness for women is the outward markings of youth, health, and fertility, as women with those are far more likely to be able to bear many healthy children. Basic natural selection explains why that gets the best results.

Anonymous · Answer

As a 45+ year old I can't imagine having anything in common with a 20 year old woman. The largest gap I ever felt ANY feelings towards was 15 years. She was about 30 and I was about 45 and I felt weird about even that. I'm not saying a 45 year old and 20 year old can't hit it off. But it's rare. The 45 year old would have to be very youthful minded and the 20year old would have to be mature beyond thier years. The simple TRUTH is most the time this type of relationship is less one of substance and more of convenience. I think it's OK for you to explore this (if you wish). But I'd be very mindful of the dynamic. Pay attention for signs of him controlling you. And don't exploit your youthfulness against him. Both are toxic moves.

The simple FACT of the matter is relationship gaps wider than 10 years. Seldom flourish.

Good luck!

Vikkrram · Answer

Look tbh speaking there's nothing moral or unethical to have an relationship with an 45 year old man. But if he seriously loves you not just for his physical needs.

And yes there would be certain risks involve in that like he would die at an early age than you , he would be always at high risk of getting any disease and of course age gap would be a problem to understand each other pov.

Blackcupcake · Answer

if both parties are of age and consenting, without any weird or creepy intentions then it should not be an issue. people dating with an age gap is not an uncommon thing, but I do understand that it can make you uncomfortable. so all you have to do is say “no thank you” and move on with your life.

chicken_nugget24 · Answer

As long as you want to and he is not in a relationship, go for it

Anonymous · Answer

When she was 13 he was 38. But I've been with older guys and guys my age.

mommymommymommy · Answer

Oh, but if it was the other way around it's "wrong"

Anonymous · Answer

Why wouldn't it be? Or do you not consider a 20 year old an adult capable of making her own decisions and running her life?

Anonymous · Answer

Go for it if you want. I had a friend who dated a 45 year old when she was 22 and they are still together with a kid

GoingDownSouth · Answer

Age only matter if it matters to the people involved

fonduegirl · Answer

It's creepy as hell. No exceptions.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

He may have just been attracted to you

shortster · Answer

Yes, you are both adults.

riverrat3 · Answer

That would be between the two of them

karekaaaa · Answer

Its weird tbh dont accept

Anonymous · Answer

What's immoral about it?

In_Trance · Answer

morals don't exist

Is it moral to have a relationship with a 20 year old girl as a 45 year old man?

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