What would you do if the mother of your child wouldn't let your son travel to see you?

[sheikalana]

My partner and I live overseas. He has a son that lives in the US with his mom. Before moving abroad my partner asked his son if he was okay with him moving abroad and the kid was actually excited with the idea of traveling to come see his dad. The kid's mom agreed that their son would travel one day and come spend some time with his dad. Until last week the plan was to travel his kid to where we live so he could come and spend a few weeks with us. Suddenly the kid's mom changed her mind and doesn't want the kid to travel without her and is not comfortable with the idea of their son being away from her. Last time my partner saw his son was last December.

I know is not my place to say anything but I feel like this is ridiculous she knew from the beginning that this was going to happen one day. She knew that their son would want to spend some time with his dad and possibly travel to come and spend some time with him. I understand she might be worried and concerned because he's 7 years old but my partner as a dad would never put their son in danger or anything also the place where we live is the safest place in the world. At some time their kid will have to do things on his own too. Mom doesn't always have to be there.

[Anonymous]

I’d be pissed if my 7 year olds father moved abroad. That’s a disgusting thing to do. His son is his responsibility. He should be there and have him 50% of the time and be involved in his every day life, not move away abroad or even a different city. That’s ehat happens when you separate from someone you have kids with - you’re stuck in that location until the kid is 18 years old. To leave is showing the child ghey don’t matter. That you don’t care that you won’t see the child regularly. It’s showing moving abroad os more important than them. It’s also leaving all responsibility with the parent who stays, mother in this case. She’s left as a single mom and has no support from the dad as he’s not even in the same country. And no, you don’t ask a 6-7 year old if it’s ok that you move or any big things like that at all. They don’t fullt understand the implications of that. You can make it sound fun to them ”hey sweetie, is it ok if I move abroad? I’d really really love to and it would be so much fun when you come to my place we’d go exploring and to the beach every day”. Yeah sounds fun for a kid. Or you could say ”Hey sweetie I’d really really love to move far far away to a different country, we’ll barely ever see each other again but I promise to call sometime and maybe you can visit one day or something, is that ok?”. Doesn’t sound as desireable for the child. They only hear and know what you tell them and don’t have the ability to think further and deeply analyze the consequences of such things. And for the mother, my guess is she didn’t want to be the bad guy trying to forbid her ex to do what he wants to do. I highly doubt she was happy about the whole thing so to speak. And no, I would definitely not put my 7-year old alone on a plane, and certainly not an international one. Never. It’s your partners responsibility to see his child. He is the one who needs to donthe travelling and the fact that he’s failed to come and see his child for 7-8 months is completely on him and nothing but neglect. His a crappy father who soon will have no relationship at all with his son as he’s becoming a stranger to him. 7-8 months is a VERY long time for a child and no phone or video calls can make up for it or negate the feeligs this child have or will develop that his father simplt doesn’t care enough to see him.

[sheikalana]

You're being too quick to judge.

[caitycat21]

I don’t know, this is definitely a tricky situation. I’ve had something similar happen (my parents are divorced and have dual custody over me) now that I’m older I’m allowed to travel as long as I have the permission of at least one of my parents so it’s way easier but since he’s so young he probably won’t be able to make that same decision

[sheikalana]

How did you used to see your parents when you were a kid? Did you travel to wherever your dad/mom were or did they travel to you?

[caitycat21]

I would travel with my mom, I’m technically supposed to visit my dad on holidays by court order but my dad didn’t really care so I only saw him a couple of times

[sheikalana]

See we even suggested paying for her ticket to bring him here but she said she's not comfortable leaving him here without her. Seems like she doesn't want her kid to see his dad.

[caitycat21]

That might be the case, has she done this before? I’m honestly not sure if the court would do anything to solve this unfortunately. My dad has done something similar where me and my mom were going to travel outside of the country but I needed his permission to renew my passport and he refused for no reason other than because he wanted to be a jerk and ruin our trip. Family court really sucks

[sheikalana]

As per what my partner said she never acted this way before. Everything was planned until a few days ago when she changed her mind.

[madhatters4]

it is a bit complicated when you live in different countries. she should probably clearly explain why she is back tracking on the agreement. she may have some legit concerns that should be considered. but it should be a peaceful civil exchange that will hopefully end in helping to assuage the mother's concerns or reaching a compromise

[madhatters4]

did the mother give a reason for not letting the child travel? or for changing her mind?

[sheikalana]

She says she doesn't like the idea of him being without her.

[madhatters4]

fair. so when you offered to have her come with the child, did she have an excuse for that working?

[sheikalana]

Yes, she doesn't the kid to stay here with us without her.

[madhatters4]

it's tough and i'm sure frustrating. still you want to try and work through this as amicably as possible, which it sounds like you two are trying to do, to not have the mother shut down all convos on the matter.

[sheikalana]

I just want them to sort it out. It hurts to see my partner begging to see his child. I don't really talk to her and is not my business to say what's on my mind is between the both of them. I just don't want to see my partner suffer especially when she was cool with everything until last minute.

[madhatters4]

i hear you. it's a very difficult situation. as a parent i can empathize for both the mom and dad. from the mom's perspective it can feel like an unfathomable concept to let your kid go away (even to see another parent). especially when you factor in the distance they would be apart
from the father's perspective, hell it's his kid.

i hope they can find a compromise. the child should not suffer consequences of the parents decisions

[madhatters4]

thanks for MHO... hope it all works out for the best

[CallmeTheKnight]

I would understand her completely. Why let her son travel unaccompanied without her or a trusted chaperone? It’s not your child, so you have no room to speak on this matter if the mother is concerned for her son’s safety.
Traveling is nice, but danger is still real to children and foreigners. Thats common sense

[Apple1996]

I wouldn't allow my kids to travel without me even If it was to see their father

[madhatters4]

that's a good point. especially internationally. i traveled by myself at 12 but that was in 1994. it was a different world. i wouldn't put my 7 year old on a plane by themselves in this day and age

[sheikalana]

@madhatters4 the procedure is actually very safe and convenient.

[Apple1996]

@madhatters4 yeah back then was very different. Kids don't really travel alone anymore.

And 7 is very young. I have a 9 and 6 year old and they had trouble being away from me for 1 day while I was in the hospital. Didn't eat/sleep normally till I got back home. Kids aren't meant to be separated from their mothers when they are so young

[madhatters4]

i think that's up to a parent to decide based on their comfort level. i would not let my 7-year old go through an airport, on to a plane, out of the country, and the through an airport again by themselves.

[sheikalana]

You guys would be surprised with how often kids travel together nowadays. I travel every week and there's always at least one kid traveling on his/her own I've seen kids with 8yo/12yo/15yo and there's always some agent accompanying them from the moment they check in to the moment they check out they're never left alone. The only time they're alone is during the actual flight and even then the flight attendants are constantly checking on them and making sure the kid is comfortable and happy. Their travel documents are handed to the flight attendants and then handed to the agent that will be waiting for them outside of the airplane. This agent will then escort them all the way through security until they meet with their parent/guardian. I understand the concern but after seeing many young kids travelling alone kind of makes me feel sort of secure that everything is done properly.

[madhatters4]

that is all well and good and it may be perfectly safe. but you aren't the the motehr sending their child on the plane. you are arguing and rationalizing it based on the outcome you want right? we need to put ourselves in the shoes of the mother. from her perspective she may say, why did the dad move so far away from their child? why doesn't the dad come visit since i'm not comfortable sending my child out of the country on their own?

just considering her perspective right?

[sheikalana]

@madhatters4 we are very much considering her perspective. We even suggested paying her ticket to come with their son but now she doesn't even want to let him stay here. She's the one saying no to everything but can't come up with a solution. Plus she's been okay with the kid coming to us until a few days ago. This has been discussed even before the dad moved out of the country and he had strong reasons to move out of the country both of them agreed with that. My partner had everything planned until a few days ago and now doesn't know what to do. He can't travel to the US now because he doesn't have nowhere to stay.

[Jamie05rhs]

Will the kid have a chaperone to accompany him?
If I was a parent, I certainly wouldn't let my child travel alone. Not in this day and age.

[Shy_Steve]

I would try to visit them.

[boobliker]

go and see the child if you show willing who knows

[sheikalana]

My partner doesn't have a place to stay in the US at the moment that's why it would be easier if his son could come and stay with us for a few weeks. We live in a nice and safe compound and there's plenty of things to do here.

[Kelly6]

thats not good

[sheikalana]

I don't understand why the sudden change because she was okay with him travelling until a few days ago.