Would you break up with someone who can’t let go of resentment?

Question

Hey ya’ll, my boyfriend has done some really hurtful things to me in the past. he liked girls bikini pictures, he DMed a bunch of them telling them they are pretty, he spoke to someone on facebook, we don’t go out on any dates because he says i’m not worth it, and i feel like he doesn’t put me as a priority. he has apologized for the social media thing time and time again. also when i ask him if we don’t go out on dates because i’m not worth it is true he tells me no and when i ask him why he said it he says it’s because i was annoying him with so many questions and i make him feel like he is worthless. when i ask him why he doesn’t put me as a priority he says he does. mind you, after work, every day, he goes to his friends house to hangout with them. and he will call me when he is ready to hangout with me, which is always around 10pm or later. I don't know how that is putting me as a priority. tell me if i’m wrong. anyway, i always nag and complain that he does this and i resent him for it because i feel like he doesn’t put me or our relationship seriously. I don't know if he doesn’t because i nag and complain all the time and i’m not his peace or he just truly doesn’t care and will call me when he’s ready to lay in bed and do nothing. we had an argument two days ago about him hanging out with his friends and not putting me as a priority. we haven’t spoken for two days. it kinda makes me sad but i’m also really annoyed. please let me know if im wrong.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Based on what you've described, yes I would break up with this person. A few reasons:

1. The lack of trust. Him liking girls' bikini pictures and DMing them telling them they're pretty is inappropriate and breaks your trust. That's not something you do in a monogamous relationship.

2. The invalidation and disrespect. Him saying you're "not worth it" for dates and that he doesn't prioritize you is hurtful and disrespectful. A good partner would never say that.

3. The lack of effort. Him consistently hanging out with friends after work and only calling you later at night shows a lack of effort and care for your relationship.

4. The resentment. You saying you constantly nag and complain shows a level of resentment building up over time. Resentment often kills relationships.

5. The lack of compatibility. It seems like you have different needs and priorities in a relationship. You want more effort, attention and intimacy. He wants to focus more on his social life and friendships. You're ultimately just not on the same page.

In summary, while he may have good qualities, the issues you described around trust, communication, compatibility and care would likely prevent a healthy, fulfilling relationship long-term. The resentment will only continue to build if the core problems are not addressed.

My advice would be to have an honest, open discussion with him about how his actions make you feel and what you need from the relationship. If he's unwilling or unable to meet your needs and work on issues together, then breaking up may be the healthiest decision. You deserve a partner who prioritizes you, makes you feel cared for and respected.

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.