Is it ok to get a paternity test? In an established relationship?

[Charliefretz329]

Yes

No

[JacobJordan]

Abso-fuckin-lutely. My wife forced the doctors to do one when we had our 3 little ones because she wanted to ensure I never had to believe (or know via belief) that they were mine but also see the factual proof that they were. When a woman has nothing to hide a paternity test is perfectly acceptable. But if she has something to hide it is because the man isn't the father. No woman who is loyal, faithful and trustworthy would be against a paternity test. The only women against such a test are women who are forcing a man to raise children that are not his or women who would force a man to raise children that are not his.

[Caroline91]

I see your point, but if my husband felt he needed a paternity test to verify our children are his, it would permanently alter our relationship. I would always feel that he mistrusted me when I had done nothing to deserve that and, since our marriage is based on trust and transparency, I would have difficulty being fully invested in it again. And because we have a promise about transparency, he would know it.

[JacobJordan]

@Caroline91 what evidence do you have that the children are yours?

[Caroline91]

Mine or my husband’s?

[JacobJordan]

@Caroline91 yours. What evidence do you have that the children are yours?

[Caroline91]

Ummm… I was pregnant with them for 9 months each and gave birth to them?

[JacobJordan]

@Caroline91 exactly. Now what evidence does the man have that the children are his?

[Caroline91]

I understand what you are getting at. I’m just saying if he needs evidence then his lack of trust in me, as his wife, is so huge that I don’t know if I could overcome it. What evidence does your wife have that YOU haven’t been screwing another woman and may or may not have children out there she doesn’t know about? At least she can prove to you with almost 100% accuracy that the children she gives birth to are yours. But all she has is that you tell her she can trust you — Shouldn’t you trust her too unless given a good reason not to?

[JacobJordan]

@Caroline91 the fact i am always around is the proof the fact we communicate. The fact I don't hide anything. The fact I don't stay out late and make up vague excuses or hide things or forget dates and times or situations. All of which are markers someone is being unfaithful. However it isn't even comparable. Her trusting that I haven't cheated is comparable to my trusting her that she hasn't cheated. Might surprise you to find out that there is more than 1 benefit to a paternity test aside from the factual knowledge the husband gets. Babies get swapped accidents. It is extremely rare but possible a woman fertilizes her own egg resulting in the child having 1 parent. Also both parents get more detailed information on things that may effect the child. Thing that is always so funny about the paternity question is women never want it and have a million reasons why it is bad but if roles were reversed with the man having the factual knowledge a man would have no qualms about a woman taking a test because men understand that belief is great but facts are better as facts can't be questioned.

[Caroline91]

Ok you and your wife have different views on a lot of this than my husband and I do. If it works for you as a couple, that’s the goal. Something else works for my husband and me as a couple. Just an aside, by the way, our newborn is never out of sight/touch of at least one of us. One was born at home, the other was born in a small birth center, so it was a controlled situation both times. We know they are our kiddos. You sound like a very dedicated family man and that is a wonderful thing.

[DrPepper12]

Disagree. It sacrifices her trust for his ego in some cases. Is that worth it?

[HighValue]

Mandatory paternity tests should be the law based on how many men are tricked into raising and supporting kids that aren't theirs. Generations of women's immorality caused it and only women that support the deception, and abuse of men and kids are against paternity tests.

[DishLady]

If there's a doubt in the paternity, then sure, that's your call to make, however what would you do, then? Ditch the kid? It's not the kid's fault that someone did stuff to warrant a paternity test.

[Apple1996]

Maybe If there is proof she was cheating then it's reasonable but just like randomly nah

[msc545]

He is trying to find that out, stupid.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 testing the child to find out that would be random

[msc545]

No. You test the child AND the guy the woman says is the father - like the OP here. - obviously.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 that would be extreme if there is no proof of cheating beforehand

[msc545]

Nope. You simply do not tell the woman you are going to do it. I did not tell my ex out of concern for her feelings and our marriage. Turned out I was the father, but before I had the test results I was suspicious. Men are entitled to mitigate their concerns since women do the same all the time.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 I personally wouldn't allow that to happen but I'm not dumb enough to leave my kids alone with their father

[msc545]

He must be a simp to let you do that. I would take you to court over it.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 over what exactly?

[msc545]

You cannot legally deny a father the right to see his child unless you have a court order.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 I'm not denying him any rights. I just don't let him be alone with them

[msc545]

Actually, he can get a paternity test kit from a lab by mail. He can have it mailed to a friend's house. It takes about 5 seconds to get a cheek swab.

https://dna.labcorp.com/

Bet your ass I would do this if you pulled this crap on me.

[msc545]

You cannot hide your bad behavior forever, and it is a shitty and dangerous thing to do to a child.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 I'm not doing anything dangerous to my kids 😂

[msc545]

Not telling a child who their father really is will backfire later because of a lack of medical information when it is needed.

[msc545]

That is dangerous to the child.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 my kids know there father...

[msc545]

They know they guy you SAY is their father.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 kind of impossible to be any other man unless I'm the next mother marry or got a sperm donor 😅

[msc545]

That's what you say. Why should anybody believe it? Were there any witnesses there?

[LazerBean]

Girl there's no use in people like us, who have only been with one person our entire lives, trying to talk about these things to promiscuous person. Their brains are too damaged, he straight up can't grasp not cheating.

[msc545]

Apparently you think that your word regarding this kind of thing means something. It doesn't mean anything. Women lie about cheating all the time. So do men. Anything that provides objective proof or lack of proof is worth doing.

[msc545]

Women are of course against paternity tests because they are afraid of being caught because that might mean the money that they are so used to getting will get cut off and they would actually have to work for a living.

[Apple1996]

@LazerBean true he doesn't understand the concept of only being with one person

[DarkLegacy]

@msc545 I find it strange that she does not allow her kids to be alone with their own father, this is something she could be taken to court over as she has no right to do thata

[DrPepper12]

@msc545 this a wholeheartedly agree with. The child, however and whoever it got here, should have his correct family's genetic history AND That is the responsibility of the mother. To do anything less is unfathomably selfish and cruel to that child.

[msc545]

@DrPepper12 I was adopted as a child, and my adoption records were sealed by a court. I went through hell and a ton of expenses to get my ancestral genetic records and medical history. I would never want a child to go through this because the mother wanted to hide her bad behavior.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 a guy have to be a real dumbass to not know if its his baby. If you are sleeping with a woman you should know when she's ovulating and be with her during that time especially for a couple in a long term relationship or married.

I'm not sure too many married couples are going out without each other's knowledge and not tracking ovulation together. For a hookup I can see how this could be done but if in a marriage the guy is just being dumb

[Apple1996]

@msc545 men are constantly saying they are the more logical gender but then not using any logic when it comes to things like this 🤔

[DrPepper12]

@msc545 in cases of adoption that may be a prudent exception. You might be right!

[msc545]

Sure. That is about as effective as the pull-out method of preventing pregnancy. We cannot tell when you are ovulating.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 most period/ferility apps have a partner sharing option.
And the pull out method is 78% effective. Condoms effectiveness is 87% so literally only slightly less effective than condoms. Fertility awareness is within the same effectiveness as both those options

[msc545]

Are those percentages just your opinion or do you have studies and data to support them? If you do - please post links.

[Apple1996]

@msc545 common knowledge if you are having sex but sure I will link

www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control

[Apple1996]

@msc545 I will say the breastfeeding as birth control is complete bs and shouldn't even be up there

[msc545]

What you posted is basically BS. It is planned parenthood propaganda and they are the same people who made a business out of murdering unborn babies and selling their parts

[msc545]

So of course they want people to get pregnant accidentally so they will have babies to take apart and dissect and kill. This is how they make their money.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Jumping into the deep end, aren't we? Testing the waters of trust with a paternity test could cause a tidal wave in an established relationship. Think about it; it's like saying, "I love you, but let's verify you're not a magician with a hat full of secrets." Before diving off that cliff, consider the undercurrents. Communication, my friend, is the lifeguard here. If doubt is nipping at your heels, it's time for a heart-to-heart with your partner. Is this coming from a place of insecurity, a momentary lapse, or have there been red flags whipping in the wind? Trust, once eroded, is harder to rebuild than a sandcastle at high tide. So, tread carefully, communicate openly, and remember, the foundation of any relationship is trust, not a test.

[Charliefretz329]

How many paternity scares have you had Brad?

[RavVid]

It should be part of the ritual that the girl gives proof of paternity.

In utero tests are now possible. In the US false paternity claims seem to run at 30% but in Australia at 10%. It is fairly difficult to judge because before DNA there was ambiguity.

[DrPepper12]

30%? What source is that from?

[NathanDavis]

hmm, I think I would be a bit offended... if she asks me to prove that I am the father

[Charliefretz329]

In that case you’d definitely want to do it

[NathanDavis]

there's an insane amount of swapped newborn babies at hospitals... either by mistake, mishap or negligence... lol

[Charliefretz329]

That’s true… and you can also find potential genetic issues that improve health care…

[NathanDavis]

Highlights: Babies Switched At Birth Statistics

- Approximately 28,000 babies per year are switched at birth worldwide.

- 1 in every 1,000 babies born in the United States experiences a “near-switch” at birth, which is quickly corrected.

- The rate of actual baby-switching cases in the United States is estimated to be between 1 in 8,000 and 1 in 15,000 births.

- In the 1990s, baby banding was introduced in 76% of U. S. hospitals to prevent baby switching.

- A 2007 survey of New York City hospitals found that 97% of them used barcode scanners to prevent baby switching.

[NathanDavis]

I always thought I'm adopted... but maybe I was switched

[Charliefretz329]

Never know…

[Charliefretz329]

Get tested lol

[NathanDavis]

I'm stuck now... doesn't matter, lol

[Charliefretz329]

Yeah, you almost don’t want to know

[DrPepper12]

By insane amount do you mean the modern number of times it happens today? It's damn near zero. Each of my kids was cuffed with a bar code bracelet. on leg before they even did the APGAR test!

[DrPepper12]

Source?

[NathanDavis]

@DrPepper12 40,000 people is NOT near "zero people"

that's a town full of people... lol

[DrPepper12]

Out of a WORLDWIDE sample of 8. BILLION? It's 0.000005% it's insignificant

[NathanDavis]

@DrPepper12 do you feel insignificant yourself?

[DrPepper12]

No. Do facts do that to you?

[NathanDavis]

@DrPepper12 there you go...

[WhitneySnow]

Sure, if you have a real legit reason to think your partner has cheated on you. However, if you do this and it turns out she didn’t cheat (or even if she did) she may leave you. But if you’re right about your suspicions at least you won’t have to pay child support.

[Charliefretz329]

If a woman left me over that. I’d be happy to see her go

[WhitneySnow]

But what if she was innocent and she left because you unjustly accused her?

[Charliefretz329]

Then she is shallow and conceited to think that only her emotions matter in a relationship.

[JacobJordan]

Asking for a paternity test not accusing her of cheating. The sooner women like you stop pushing this lie the sooner you will be worthy of a healthy relationship. Why should a man have to believe or know via belief that the child is his? The woman knows factually it is hers since she carried it from conception to birth. Why should a man not be given the courtesy of factual knowledge as well? No woman worth dating, marrying or having children with is against paternity testing nor does she feel "accused". How do I know? Because my wife insisted on a paternity test because she wanted me to know factually that the children were mine. I knew they were mine as there was no way should could have been with someone else but that knowledge is belief based and belief doesn't always remain the same. Seeing the slip of paper that effectively states "this child is 100% yours" is far different than knowing via belief.

[DrPepper12]

"If she drowns she's a witch" logic...

[DrPepper12]

@JacobJordan "Asking for a paternity test not accusing her of cheating." PLEASE explain this to me.

[JacobJordan]

@DrPepper12 read the messages not explaining an extremely simple concept for the 3rd time

[LazerBean]

I think it's good, as long as the man is also okay with having a tracker on his phone and getting regular STD tests.

[Charliefretz329]

Everyone should get regular std tests. You can get those even from non sexual transmission.

Having a tracker on your phone isn’t always a bad thing either. You never know when an accident could happen and you would benefit greatly from being located.

[LazerBean]

Exactly

[JacobJordan]

Both men and women should get tested regularly for stds

[LazerBean]

Actually only the ones with a history of promiscuity (didn't marry as virgins) really need to

[JacobJordan]

If you use public restrooms also a good idea to get tested. We do our best to refrain from public toilets but sometimes you don't have a choice

[LazerBean]

What percentage of the time are STDs transmitted via public restrooms?

[JacobJordan]

Fairly low percentage as public restrooms when properly cleaned are fairly sterile and safe. Trich is one of the only ones as it is parasitic. Though viral stis can in rare cases. Realistically it should be under.1% odds maybe a hundred people (give or take) annually.

[LazerBean]

So almost next to never. So it's pretty much a waste of money for people like my husband and I to get tests STD and paternity tests, but I think everyone who has sex outside of marriage should do it since they're likely to cheat.

[DrPepper12]

@LazerBean @Charliefretz329 My wife tracks the kids and I REFUSE to participate. I am not a child. I don't need surreptitious spying. "If anything happens to me" accident will be addressed by bystanders or medical personnel unless I'm off grid and then I can't be tracked anyway. Adults should refuse to their spouse in principle

[IslaTheWitch]

it definitely shows a lack of trust, but if you need it, then talk with your partner about your doubts and just do it

I'm not sure how I would feel if my partner told me he wanted to do a paternity test... hurt probably AF...

[JacobJordan]

Not even remotely true. Before you disagree answer this. If a woman gives birth what evidence is there that the baby is hers? What evidence is there that the baby is his?

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan listen... maybe for you, a relationship without trust exists, but for me, it doesn't. So if my man, I'm in a relationship with, tells me he wants to do a paternity test... it means he doesn't trust me... it means that the whole relationship doesn't make any sense... because he sees me as some whore...

[JacobJordan]

Then you are the problem. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with factual knowledge. The evidence that the children are yours is literally you. You birthed them. The evidence the man has is belief.

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan of course, it's related to trust. If my own man can't believe me that the child is his... It's a matter of TRUST.

[JacobJordan]

Why should the man not be given the same factual knowledge you have? The only reason to be against a paternity test is if you have something to hide.

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan I didn't say I have something against it. I just described how I would feel. We would create the relationship because we wanted, no one forced us to be together, so what reason would he have to not trust me? I can't imagine living in such a relationship, where the person closest to me don't trust me...

[JacobJordan]

It doesn't mean he doesn't trust you though lol. That is a lie purported by women in an effort to avoid having to do paternity tests. A paternity test is the equivalent of a woman telling her husband "I love you so much I want you to have the same factual knowledge I have because I understand that belief can fade as belief is an emotion/mental state but facts are immutable"

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan paternity test means he doesn't believe the kid is his. I wouldn't stop him from checking it, but I assume it could damage the relationship. If I can trust he doesn't fuck any other woman when he isn't with me, he can trust the kid is his. It's simple like that.

[JacobJordan]

Again that is what women say it means. A paternity test is a factual check. If I claim the sky is blue and you fact check it does that mean you believe I was wrong? No it means you are checking the fact. Same way that a man can know the kids are his but still want a fact check. It is devoid of emotion and simply about replacing belief with factual knowledge something women inherently get because she carried the baby. Why is that it is wrong for the man to want factual knowledge?

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan I think it's unfair I have to BELIEVE him, that he doesn't fuck any other. And he has to CHECK if the kid is his...

no... it doesn't work for me. Or we trust each other from the beginning to the end or we don't create the relationship

[JacobJordan]

2 entirely different situations not even remotely comparable. But if roles were reversed and the man was the one with the factual knowledge of children would you want a test done or not?

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan no, I would trust him as my partner

[JacobJordan]

Very much doubt that but we'll never know. Though you are from Germany which is entirely different from the US so likely is not a huge issue there.

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan how many paternity tests are done in the US vs the number of children born per year? Do you know? I highly doubt many men think the same way you do

[JacobJordan]

Well considering paternity testing has come up in the Supreme Court due to the fact 30% of paternity tests reveal the "father" is not actually the father. 50% of men want paternity testing. 50% don't care. 32% of women are for it. For 2 reasons first to prove the children are his and secondly health reasons. And most men think the same way. Most are just too scared to voice it because of women like you that get overly emotional trying to claim he doesn't trust her and other bullshit.

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan so you don't know the data :D

[JacobJordan]

I guess you have trouble reading huh. I do know the data because I have this thing called critical thinking. Of the tests done annually in the US 30% show the father is raising a child that is not his. There are about 350k tests done and 3.6m babies meaning apx. 1m children are being raised by a man that is not the father. In addition a huge swath of the male population supports paternity testing which proves you asinine claim that "most don't think that way wrong" and 32% of women also support it. Welcome to reality I'll be your host happily humiliating you for actually trying to continue pushing the bs lie women have been exploiting to avoid getting caught out. Oh yeah in France it is 25% of children. In Nigeria it is 30%. List goes on overall it ranges from 11-23% world wide.

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan show me the source please

[JacobJordan]

https://www.fraud.com/post/paternity-fraud here you are. I am sure you will deny the information inside so will not waste my time further replying after this.

[IslaTheWitch]

@JacobJordan I prefer this source, but shows the same onlinelibrary.wiley.com/.../...7-2995.2006.00806.x

almost 30% in average, the number changes for ethnicity...

But still, 30% doesn't mean 100%, and if I create the relationship, I base it on trust, communication, and transparency. If my partner doesn't want to accept it, there is no need to be together.

[DrPepper12]

@JacobJordan can you PLEASE provide this source?

[DrPepper12]

Where does it say 30%? It DOES say in it's conclusion that: "For any subject receiving a genetic test in a child support office, predicting a 72 percent probability that the test will show paternity". THAT'S IN A CHILD SUPPORT OFFICE!! As such the couple is already divorced then one could reasonably conclude that one of the sources of that divorce was possible infidelity. Don't twist it.

[IslaTheWitch]

@DrPepper12 exactly, it was my second thought :D that those are tests requested in doubt situation

[DrPepper12]

@JacobJordan
has got nothing but tautological pretzels with big words and bigger ego @IslaTheWitch

[JacobJordan]

@DrPepper12 lol must really piss you off that despite being a teacher you have absolutely nothing to counter with. It's alright man you became a teacher because you failed at everything else

[DrPepper12]

EXACTLY!!! @JacobJordan

[dustybiker2]

Established isn't really established if there is that kind of questioning going on in a so-called established relationship, in my opinion


But by all means. Prove the daddy.

[sirderpsalot123]

There's plenty of guys who thought they were established and ended up taking care of a kid that wasn't his, he finds out, and then suddenly the kid loses the only father he/she has ever known. All could have been avoided by taking a paternity test.

[dustybiker2]

Horrible woman.

[dustybiker2]

I would like to see you ask Maria though. Please let me film it.

[sirderpsalot123]

Maria is cool lol she'd understand and wouldn't take it personally

[dustybiker2]

Sure. Right. No screaming involved. At all.

[sirderpsalot123]

She wouldn't scream if she was mad because she knows I like that lol

[dustybiker2]

🤣 You make an excellent point.
🤤 "Do it again, please. A couple times."

[Charliefretz329]

On the flip side, as soon as a woman objects to such a thing, the man might develop serious doubts.

I am a trusting type but I’ve been used bad….

[dustybiker2]

Completely understandable, Charlie.

[msc545]

Do it. If nothing else the child has a right to know who it's father is for medical reasons if nothing else. You have right to not be a victim of paternity fraud and have to pay for a child that isn't yours.

[msc545]

You do NOT need the mother's permission to do this, and she does not have to be present for it or provide any blood, and she DOES NOT need to know you did it.

[msc545]

There is not a single state in the United States. It has a law against paternity testing either with or without the mother's permission. The mother's permission is irrelevant and unneeded. The only thing that is needed is a sample from the father or alleged father and one from the child. And of course you also need a laboratory.

[Drewtate]

It's advisable. Paternity fraud is supposed to be as high as 1in3. In France it's so high they've banned Paternity tests.

[molonski2]

Its not just okey , its absolutely vital , do it.

[Chazmatazz269]

Morally, i say definitely YES. Legally, most states have laws against men doing paternity tests without the mother’s permission.

[msc545]

what will they do, arrest him?

[Chazmatazz269]

Back before the home DNA tests, it mostly meant your doctor would refuse to do the test and then notify the mother.
Now, i’m sure it varies state to state and the extent of the punishment would depend on the class of crime. Probably a minimum of a hefty fine, possibly jail time if it’s considered abuse or kidnapping or something like that. Almost certainly opens you up to civil litigation by the mother.

[msc545]

You no longer need a prescription or a doctor for this. Just a lab. There are also fairly good paternity test kits available online:

https://dna.labcorp.com/

Totally worth it!

[HelpfulWoman]

if one is asked for, it should always be done. feeling pissed at the need to ask is a different thing

[Nikki1989]

Reeks of paranoia and mistrust but sure.

[NYlatefun]

If you need to do that you have bigger problems than that

[ProbablyClueless]

It'll go over like a fart in church, but it is technically okay.

[DrPepper12]

Qualified yes. I would do it without her knowledge.

[hellothere90]

Absolutely! There are some women out there who lie and cheat.

[NetherlandsNar]

See no reason why not

[sirderpsalot123]

I think it's reasonable

[ThaiGirl]

Yes for peace of your mind

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yes, if you want too.