Just venting but is this what marriage is about? What do I do here?

[Anonymous]

I've known my husband since since i was 19. We were friends for a few years before deciding to date and eventually marry one another. We have been living together for five years which is the same length of time that weve been together. We have two children. I recently stopped working as October of 2021. My husband continued to work during that time period. Naturally It has been my job to maintain the home, take care of the kids and dogs and do majority of the cooking since he obviously doesn't have the time while working.

Recently i have admittedly been hot/cold with him. Why? My theory is that i am stressed the f*$%* OUT and depressed! I am overwhelmed with the amount of responsibilities that i have. Even when i was working i felt the same way because it seems im always taking care of things. I do all of the driving because he doesn't feel comfortable. I do grocery runs to the store when we need something. Im the one cleaning the car out and getting it washed up. I ask him to take down a small wasp nest outside and its a huge thing for him and so i have to do that too. I ask him to put the curtains that fell like two months ago back up and its always "oh remind me to do that tomorrow" He doesn't mind dishes piling up and the kitchen being dirty which he knows bothers me and when i get to the point to where i do it & of course im in a bad mood at this point which bothers him. He wants me to be ok with the kitchen being dirty and him waiting until midnight to clean it up.

At the end of the day when im tired and mentally drained which is the regular he has the audacity to ask me about sex like are you kidding me?

When i try and tell him about things that he does that bothers me he sees it as me complaining to him. For example i come and clean the kitchen up here he comes leaving trash behind. I tell him hey i wouldn't have to nag you about this if you just listened to me the first time and then i wouldn't have to be so annoying.

Is this how marriage goes?

[Lliam]

Unfortunately, you married the kind of immature, selfish, shithead who doesn't care about you. He thinks he is a hero just for having a job. And he takes you for granted, like it's your job to do everything for him.

No, that's not how a marriage partnership is supposed to work. There is no love or respect. He thinks women are inferior to men.

[DextroShade]

Aside from the wasps and curtain rod you should be doing everything else you mentioned because you aren't working! You sound incredibly lazy and entitled; you seriously expect him to do the dishes after he gets home from work? And of course you get angry at him because he has the audacity to expect his wife to have sex with him. I feel really bad for your husband because you are a shitty wife. Marrying you is probably the biggest mistake he has ever made.

[KrakenAttackin]

@DextroShade. Exactly, and having children with her is the second biggest mistake he ever made.

[jahaims]

That isn't how marriage goes. It sounds like you are both poor communicators, especially him. Obviously if he is the one working you should have to do more around the house but not all of it. I don't know how much he works or anything so it is hard to say. It sounds like you chose a weak man as a partner if I am being honest.

[Noahzayed-]

If you would take the time to understand that he’s also going his chores you wouldn’t be asking this question.

[Asker]

Ok sure, but why do i feel so overwhelmed then? If he's doing his part and he's doing as much work around the home as me?

[Noahzayed-]

Don’t blame him because he’s not the one who doesn’t understand himself.

I’m sure he’s not perfect, No one is but you should understand yourself instead of putting It on him

[KrakenAttackin]

WTF did you think having a family would be like? The problem is you watched too much Disney growing up. He probably works overtime to provide and you still bitch, moan, and use sex as a weapon.

[Asker]

He doesn't work overtime. I used part of my savings to pay for rent and family trips so although i wasn't working i was still pulling my weight but thanks for the answer.

[KrakenAttackin]

So what do you expect from him?

[Asker]

To understand that i am tired, depressed and overwhelmed with everything falling onto me to have to do. For him to help where he can. To stop being apart of my stress by not cleaning up after himself or helping to keep the home clean. To be more emotionally vulnerable with me. I know he works but when he's done with his shift i expect some help because life doesn't stop just because you had to go to work. Im about to start working again here soon and i know it is going to be the same. Because thats how it was when we were both working. That i will still have do most of these things. He is lazy and i have two kids not three. I am mentally tired.

[KrakenAttackin]

I'm ok with splitting the house hold chores (recognizing he works full time), but stop with the "emotional availability" bullshit. The moment he "opens up to you, your cootchie will dry up line the desert.

Also, "mothering" him is a guaranteed way to end your marriage. He doesn't want to fuck his mother.

[Asker]

Actually, i have tried to get him to be emotionally vulerable and he always tried to change the subject and talk about things that have no depth to them. I believe emotional connection is jist as important as physical connection. Also, i wouldn't feel the need to "mother" him if he just helped with the responsibilities more. I am tired of complaining to him and verbally having to ask him to not leave his snot tissues on the floor next to the trash can for days. That is one example of what i am tired of dealing with.

[DextroShade]

If he is the only one working you don't get to call him lazy. If you can't handle being a wife then leave the kids with him, move out, buy a dog, and die alone. Your grandmother worked twice as hard as you did and treated your grandfather better than you are treating your husband.

[KrakenAttackin]

@DextroShade Exactly my thoughts. She needs to stop bitching and "woman up".

[In_Trance]

I think your expectations were completely unrealistic. Welcome to reality

[strateguy632]

marriage is not like that.