Is ghosting a form of manipulation?

[Anonymous]

I dont think ghosting is manipulation, it just means the other person is not intrested.

Now the silent treatment is manipulation, because its used to pout and make the other party look like they did wrong.

Like ignoring a female friend because she rejected your advances is manipulation, to get back at her

[Chevy1_kb]

I only use silent treatment when the basterd has done wrong nothing oot ae me till they say sorry a dont care if the fucker pissed me of or hurt me a want a sorry before i open my mouth i wouldn't say I was manipulating i dont go silent for nothing i do it for a reason a dont manipulate anyone there mostly manipulating me into arguing then i get the fkn blame and am talking about ma ex when I say this whats good for the goose is good for the gander dont give what you can't recieve he wants the piss me off with hurtful worlds am no talking to him till i get a sorry so i do it for a good cause not for nothing

[catarecute]

i nearly ghosted a guy a few days ago because he was annoying me but then i remembered how i felt when someone did it to me so i didn't. ghosting is not manipulation but its a huge dick move especially if you have experienced the pain of it then choose to do it.

[Asker]

how was he annoying you

[catarecute]

kept asking me to stay at his and take photos of me in a sexy top when i don't have any feelings for him.

[blueonblack22]

@catarecute just be straight up with him in a text message that you want nothing to do with that and wish him the best of luck. AFTER that message you can ghost, block, etc. He now knows where you stand.

But as inappropriate as his requests are he wouldn’t be asking for that if he didn’t believe you might do it. Even though what he said was stupid you should still give a firm no. He needs to hear that.

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 i don't ghost end off its wrong and it hurts. who am i to make someone feel undesirable. ill wait until he loses interest in me himself.

[blueonblack22]

Well I’m glad you don’t ghost. But you are being wishy washy with him tbh. Why? Are worried you might change your mind later about him and you don’t want to that option going away? And (be honest) does a part of you like the attention?

He most likely won’t get angry if you were honest with him about your feelings about his requests. If he does then you now know now he’s someone you need to remove all communication from. But he’s making these stupid requests thinking you might do it at some point. It would help both sides knowing that’s not going to happen. I don’t get why you can’t just straight up tell him.

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 i like do make men dislike me first. rejection hurts and i rather not do it. its not hard to make someone lose interest. just act a bit boring maybe dress a bit bad and that's it.

[blueonblack22]

But he’s now wasting his time and hope. What he said was a bit stupid but again he wouldn’t of asked if he thought there was no chance.

You know I have come across a few women in my life who gave me a respectful rejections in the past. No playing games. No mixed signals. No throwing “hints”. No friéndzone bs. They straight up said “hey I appreciate you approaching me but tbh I’m not interested”. Not what I wanted to hear obviously but I thanked them every time this happened. I wasn’t happy at the outcome but I wasn’t angry at them personally either. Attraction isn’t a choice. But respect is.

You can do what you want. But honestly it would be best for both sides if you were respectfully straight up with him. Just do it next time he tried to contact you. The method you are taking ultimately hurts guys a lot more then just being straight up with them. Trust me.

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 he is old enough to understand subtlety. he doesn't need me to ghost him or be straight with him to get the hint. people are not as stupid as they seem. i have been doing this my whole life and its always turned out ok.

[blueonblack22]

@catarecute yeah but you are old that men aren’t mind readers. You really are just scared of confrontation. The problem is on your side too. And you ARE rejecting him right now but you are doing it the slow and painful route.

Again do what you want. But I don’t get what’s so hard about saying “hey so so. I enjoyed talking to you earlier but tbh I’m just not interested. I wish you the best but out of respect I wanted to be honest with you.”

Sure it’s not fun but it’s not like you got to tell him to his face. But you both win in the end. He knows where he stands AND you don’t have to deal with the annoyance of him contacting you.

I just don’t see what’s so difficult about that. by the way I’ve been in the reverse position a few times. It wasn’t fun but I left with a clear conscious because I gave them the respect of knowing where I stand.

[blueonblack22]

*you are old enough to know…

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 people are not like that if they are interested slightly in someone they will get over the person themselves when they see the person is busy or boring. its only when someone feels true deep love for someone that they will show constant interest. trust you dont want to reject person that feels true deep love for you its to painful people dont recover. i was rejected by someone i loved years ago i know that i will never recover. i will die feeling love for him and the pain of rejection and many people are in my case who have had those feelings.

[blueonblack22]

Just don’t tell yourself that you are “not” rejecting him by playing games. You are. There is no middle ground when it comes to that. His request was stupid but still he wouldn’t of asked if he didn’t think he had a shot.

Men know they aren’t entitled to sex, intimacy, love. But what we are really angry is the lack of respect women show men nowadays.

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 i am rejecting him but he doesn't know it. today he called me telling me he was chilling with his friends. he didn't call me upset or asking why i was ignoring him. i will probably drift away from him slowly and eventualy he will lose interest. i will be able to sleep toningt knowing that he isn't on the phone to his mum or on the suicidal helpline crying about me. or watching youtube videos about ghosting.

[blueonblack22]

Will that’s better than ghosting. But honestly you are not handling this as best as you could.

Men are more used to rejection then women are. Sure it still hurts but what really hurts is when we don’t feel respected. Playing games isn’t respectful. Politely telling him you are not interested is. That way we can focus on somebody who actually likes him vs wasting his time, hope and energy on you. But acknowledge his efforts but at the same time be honest about where you stand

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 i hinted it to him he would have picked up on the hint but men are not stupid they know when the girl isn't interested. if the keep chasing its there lost. and i am older as you say i have more life experience and when you get to my age you will see that life is too short to hurt other people. pain not matter how small should be avoided to ourself and others. young people spend there life having meaningless relationships and dumping each other. one day when you experience what true love for someone feels like i hope that the girl deosnt ghost you or even rejecting you because the pain is so huge that most dont recover.

[blueonblack22]

Alright I said my piece. I still disagree with how you are handling this but I said my piece.

Somebody flagged and removed my original post as “trolling” which is absolutely crazy. Not sure if you read. To ladies upvoted it’s too.

[blueonblack22]

*two ladies

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 not many people like people who ghosts so it was to be expected honestly ghosting hurts but you are only 19 so maybe you havnt experienced it yet. i would say dont do it! it will make you pass for a dick and honestly its not good for your conscience.

[blueonblack22]

Ah I am a lot older than 19 and I’ve been ghosted before. Including one ex girlfriend who I dated for 9 months. Got in a minor argument and she was gone. Gone for good.

Nah i know exactly what it’s like to be ghosted. But from my pov the friéndzone/game playing is even worse. Because it drags on and I’m wasting my resources thinking something might work

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 but you dont know maybe something could work. look at all the people who ghost then come back. people change there mind all the time. in fact every single guys who ghosted me tried to come back months later. honestly ghosting is childish and it hurts people. noone should do it. years ago noone did it where there was not internet or phone so why are people doing it now,

[blueonblack22]

Unless someone did something fundamentally wrong (cheating, physical violence, lying about a major issue i. e. they have kids, etc) then ghosting isn’t justified. It’s pure selfish cowardice and a huge sign of disrespect to someone.

If my ex who ghosted me a few years ago tried to come back I would say “well I’m same man who wasn’t good enough for you back then and so I guess I’m just not good enough for you now.” and nothing else. I would block her ass and there would be no more dialogue. The bridge is burned.

I also got a former female friend who I felt I could share my issues with. I knew her since 2009. She then ghosted me (for 2 years) and then tried to reconnect on LinkedIn messages of all places.

I was pleasant at first because I wanted to see what she was going to say. She then acted like nothing was wrong. I proceeded to call her every name in the book and told her she was absolute worthless piece of sh*t and to never contact me again. I truly meant it to. Her fakeness absolutely infuriated me. If I ever see that c*nt again it will be too soon.

People need to stop being nice to ghosters. Let them live with the decision they made. They need a cold hard slap of reality.

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 people regret sometime. this one man i loved try to make me look like a stalker when i blocked me and i tried to get in touch with him. so they i blocked him and he tried to contact me then stalk me. now i miss him and am wondering if i should try to contact him i am scared he will make me look like a stalker again or try to get me arrested. i know that he is probably on this site under a false pprofile but i can't figure out under wahte name. this whole ghosting thing reminds me of when i was 6 and in nursery and sometime the kid would stop talking to me for no reason then one day come back say sorry and be friend again. then i would do the same thing. it is seriously some nursery level thing. even the name ghosting seem like it was fetched in some nursery book.

[catarecute]

it brakes my heart what you are saying about linkdin because i want to contact this guy on it and now i am scared he will do to me what you did to that girl.

[blueonblack22]

I have no regrets about what I said to my former female friend. None. She already showing shitt* signs. For instance she told me she was going to stand up a guy on a date just because he called her “babe” twice in a text message. She showed me their convo. He was flirty but never mentioned sex or anything creepy. She was so pathetically selfish and cowardly she couldn’t even give him the respect of texting him she couldn’t make it. I told she could at least text him out of common courtesy so he didn’t go to a location for nothing. i even told her she could could block him right away after sending the text. But she couldn’t even do that. So when she ghosted me I wasn’t completely surprised give she’s a modern piece of sh*t. Grown ass 31 year old woman.

[blueonblack22]

The bottom line is more and more women are indulging their sh*tty impulses nowadays in the “modern culture”. But there are CONSEQUENCES to your sh*tty behavior. Real consequences. This screws up guys and some of them start doing this crap. But it mostly started with modern women.

But you do NOT get a pass on that bs. Your feelings don’t justify treating people unfairly. That is why I was upset about how you are treating that older guy with being wishy washy. Just because he is “older” doesn’t mean he is bulletproof. He wants to be respected just like anyone else.

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 is it me you are calling grown ass 31 year old. first of all i am not 31 i am 29 second i look young for my age and will still do when i am 31. third you seem kind of rude. have you ever heard of the term two wrongs dont make a right.

[blueonblack22]

No i am calling my former female friend that. I knew her since she was 20. She actually got worse with age not better. She was like a Benjamin button with maturity.

I’m sorry if I come off as rude. But some of the points we discussed above hit a very deep nerve with me. I really believe there is a trend going on in our “modern” culture and it’s not good.

[catarecute]

@blueonblack22 yea its horrible it could be due to parents not raising there kids well. i noticed in the uk and france that children from rich backgrounds have more respect and are more serious because there marriage matters more.

[blueonblack22]

I know that as a grown man I’ve changed on how I treat women in romantic scenarios. There have been a few recent occurrences were I had to tell a woman I wasn’t interested. I don’t play games but I kindly but directly talk to them the way I would want to be treated.

I also had to distance myself from a long time buddy. But I told him why. It wasn’t fun but he knows where I stand. I also had to turn down a marriage arrangement last year (it wasn’t for love). That definitely wasn’t fun. But I took my time to think about it and gave the young woman my reasons. At least she knows where I stand.

But when you engage in this passive and cowardly non-communication you ARE making a decision by being indecisive. There ARE consequences for that behavior. Admittedly I had done that when I was much younger in a few isolated incidents. But not anymore. I’ve grown up.

[blueonblack22]

@catarecute upbringing definitely has a lot to do with it. But I also think our digitized “modern” culture and especially modern feminism has made this exponentially worse.

I am not singularly blaming women on this but the ghosting culture really did START as a female issue. But now men are doing this crap too. But women are being told that indulging their emotions whether right or wrong “is their truth”. But there is no “your truth” or “my truth”. There is THE truth.

Also there is an old saying that hurt people HURT people. So some people self justify hurting other people because an unrelated person hurt them.

That bs has to stop. I took my past horrible experiences as an example of what NOT to do to someone else. Because I know it feels.

[Levin]

I mean, often I don't reply. Not trying to manipulate, just simply not interested.

In terms of ego games, yes, it's quite natural to react to hurt by empowering yourself through withdrawal from the relationship. Not malicious necessarily.

[MountAverage]

"I dont think ghosting is manipulation, it just means the other person is not intrested."

So, are you saying it's not possible nor ever happens, that people ghost others to manipulate them?

[catarecute]

ghosting is not manipulation its sadism. the person does it knowing that the other person will be hurt, confused, sometime depressed, feel unworthy. the person sometime will isolate themselves as they stop trusting others. The person feels deep love for the other and only have good intention and is treated like this.

[MountAverage]

@catarecute Did you even read what I wrote?

[MountAverage]

@catarecute Or are you saying that you believe it's impossible to ever ghost someone to manipulate them? If so, why would that be impossible? You can't possibly believe no one ever ghosted someone to manipulate them.

[catarecute]

some do ghost to maniulate. sosioaths who might want to get someone locked up might ghost someone out of the blue in the hope that they will stalk them a bit to get closure and then the will report them. or maybe someone might ghost someone to make them feel rejected so that when they unblock them the person would want to be with them. or the could ghost someone as a punishment. there are many things but when people do it not as manipulation they are basically sadistic. sadism is the act of knowingly hurting someone and being ok with it.

[MountAverage]

@catarecute So you agree with me, alright. Not sure why you made the very first comment then.

[Pinay_ako]

Ghosting isn’t a form of manipulation. It’s a message by itself that the person isn’t worth it and should move on. Consider them dead. There you go! Don’t let one person haunt you just because that person doesn’t feel the same way. If they like to play games, they can play alone.

[Paris13]

Ghosting is Merely a Way in Acting like a Coward that Someone is. xxoo

[blueonblack22]

Here are my thoughts about ghosting:

• It’s unfortunately much more common in the digital era. There was a time I can remember where people interacted more face to face over at least over the phone. People have become more averse with in person confrontation in recent years and it’s bad all the way around for everybody. Humans weren’t built for this communication breakdown.
• If you ghosted back then you were considered either extremely selfish/cowardly OR you had a rock hard legitimate reason (they threatened you, cheated on you, aggressively stalked you, physically abused you, etc.). People couldn’t get away with saying “this person just makes me uncomfortable” as an excuse.
• Some women believe that “ghosting” is just when a guy stops contacting them. That’s not ghosting. Ghosting is when you intentionally not respond back to someone who wants to contact you.
• There really is nothing you can do with someone who ghosted you. You can try to aggressively get in touch with you. Your ego might be suffering but it’s not recommended. You might ultimately get a response from them but it won’t be what you want to hear. Plus you will likely solidify their reason to ghost you in the first place.
• If someone ghosts you for an extended amount of time (2 weeks or more) but tries to get back in touch with you I recommend either 1) ghosting them back and responding to see how it feels. 2) calling them out on their bs and then say you never want to hear from them again. It’s a huge sign of disrespect. Don’t reward disrespect. Have self respect. It will also give the other person a much deserved hard lesson not to do that again. They lost you forever because it was THEIR choice.

Anyway I noticed this is getting more and more common nowadays. I just don’t understand why it’s so difficult to send someone a final text message saying “Hey I don’t want to be contacted any more. I wish you the best but don’t try to contact me. I mean it. Thank you.” and THEN blocking them. Texting/IMing now enables people to avoid in person communication. It gives you time to think of what to write in a message. But people can’t even do that.

However I noticed many people (particularly women) struggle with this. Like it’s more “kind” or some bs to not be direct with someone. Either that they think they might change their mind down the road and don’t want to remove the possibility of having you “in their orbit”. Or they think ghosting will make a guy less angry/hurt. It ridiculous.

The other person often has zero idea of what they did wrong. That doesn’t mean you need to have a conversation or even explain it to them (even though in a ideal world you would). But at least tell the person you don’t want to be contacted. You can block them right after letting them know. But I don’t get why people can’t do that.

[gxddess_]

Not really. I ghosted a guy who was obsessed with stalking me before. I ghosted for my safety.

I also ghosted some guys even they kept offering me gifts, asking me on a date, even if I refuse, and I didn't want to keep their hopes up and waste their time. So no.

Because I know that if you are a mentally stable individual, who has a healthy heart, if you love someone you won't ghost them to manipulate them. So, unless they're crazy, if someone ghosts you, they're just not interested. Just that.

[Bilboes]

I think extreme ghosting can be considered gaslighting, which is the practice of manipulating somebody psychologically so that they doubt their own sanity or understanding of a situation. Gaslighting is psychologically abusive, and often undetectable within relationships.

[thegreenyogi]

Moat definitely especially when the person that ghosts you doesn't grant you closure before ghosting. It makes you feel like you're in a limbo especially when you have been talking to a person for quite a while and then all of a sudden out of the blue that person just disappears leaving you with so many doubts and unanswered questions and it is for me personally a form of manipulation.

[Chevy1_kb]

yes defos that what i was left with no answers all confused yeah I hate when I spoke to him sometimes yet his eyes where stuck in his cheating phone he's like wit did you say am like fuck it i doesn't matter the prick

[nat1993]

I am not sure if it can be considered as a manipulative tool but it surely is one of the worst things you can do to someone. If you are not interested just tell the person upfront. If you think not replying is less hurtful than being upfront then you my friend are living under a rock.

[bolverk]

It depends on what you regard as 'ghosting'.

If you mean totally dropping out of the life of a girlfriend when you find out she has been cheating on you, clearing all of you belongings out of your shared flat, and taken an overseas job then Yes I ghosted someone, but not as a form of manipulation, the relationship was done.

[knottywriter]

Ghosting is not a form of manipulation. It is a form a cowardice. If you don't want to talk to someone anymore than be up front. The problem in this digital world is that no one has the spine to tell someone the truth. Ghosting is being a coward!

[ArrowheadSW]

A lot of times someone just doesn't know what to say to end a relationship that they no longer want to be in. So therefore the ghosting. It isn't always a bad thing. I wouldn't call it a form of manipulation necessarily.

[ShesRad80]

some may say its a form of emotional abuse, but both tactics are done by emotionally immature people--the problem is people these days would rather ignore or hitta block button or disappear rather then communicate, like actual adults.

[chrissykerdock]

tell her what you want her to perform on you or tell her forget it if she' doesn't obey your wishes

[Asker]

she didn't ghost me

[chrissykerdock]

oh i see

[Smashingdoozy]

Manipulation is all about the intent. You can use ghosting as manipulation but it in itself is not manipulation.

[LittleSally]

If the person is done with you neither of those is manipulation - it just means they're over it.

[A_Bell]

It seems to be the opposite of that. If manipulation is steering the boat, this is setting it adrift.

[Iron_Man]

If they’re interested, some people Ghost to teach people lessons so they can get a wake up call and change their behavior and do things in another way it’s a form of discipline but I hate Ghosting.

[sheikalana]

Not at all. Ghosting is a way of detaching from people you no longer want to keep in touch with.

[inhua]

people will just interpret whatever they "feel" manipulation is like

[CallmeTheKnight]

It’s only manipulation if you’re dumb. Ghosting means they don’t wanna talk to you but don’t got the nerve to admit it

[Anonymous]

I don't see how. You're not trying to get the other person to do anything. You're just exiting from their life.