How do you deal with a negative significant other?

[Anonymous]

Hi, its been a couple of months that my husband is very much negative and its affecting my mental health as well.

He complains about EVERYTHING... There's always something wrong or wtv. His job, his friends, the government, the people on the road, his this and that. Heck, even me sometimes and 85% of the time , i dont even know or understand what I did wrong...

Everytime he talks, it has to be something wrong.

I feel like I've tried everything that i could think of. I try my best to understand, listen and support him in everything. I try to cheer him up. Make him good food to make him happy as well. Give him space or/and affection when he needs to, but it doesn't seem to help as much.

We often do 50/50 in all expenses because we are still trying to stabilize ourselves in this rough economy. I have a good job. His job, on the other hand, hasn't been super stable lately so i took a lot more responsibility on me to help him as much as possible.

I love him so much but Im sooo tired. Im exhausted. I feel super overwhelmed and down. The year has been rough.

I dont know what to do, just the idea of hearing another negative thing makes me nauseous.

I feel so bad about it but I really try my best. Any idea for me? :(

Updates

+1 y

***Sorry forget to mention that we had a lot of deep conversations about whats going on. We came up with a lot of solution. Its partly his job. Je has trouble being stable in his jobs but As an HR, i try to help him as much as i can. But at the same time, I feel like EVERYTHING is bothering him. He was always a little bit like this since we've known each other but this year, its 25x worse

[Anonymous]

Have you had a conversation with him about this? Since you said it’s only been the past couple months, I wonder if somethings transpired to make him act this way…

[Asker]

I did, but i guess i will have to have a deeper conversation with him

[Opinion Owner]

If you’ve already tried talking to him and it’s not working, I wouldn’t encourage you to beat a dead horse. My partner struggles with anger issues sometimes, and as a pretty passive person I’ve just found it best to not engage when he gets like that. It’s like a kid throwing a tantrum, and I refuse to engage. If he won’t consider therapy then you should stop trying to help or de-escalate when he’s unwilling to receive it. So I either stay quiet or leave the room mid-rant. I’m not getting into that shit, and when he calms down, I reiterate just as much and I’m very firm about it. I say “do you want solutions or do you just want to vent?”. 9/10 he doesn’t want any help, so I’ll look at my phone, read, just tune him out entirely. My peace is priority over his feelings, same thing for you with your partner. So don’t make yourself anxious and stressed trying to find solutions that he doesn’t really want.

[artgorgeous]

You both need to take 2 week vacation and go to Europe.

[Asker]

Oh yeah! I wouldn't say no to that 🥹

[Anonymous]

Ask him to sit down and have a deep open conversation

[Asker]

We already did, but ill do it again :/

[Opinion Owner]

Well even after lot of conversations if it still doesn't work, I would probably leave
It's really a waste of energy being around people who make you feel bad.. you can tolerate only upto a certain limit