So I’ve been hooking up with this man for 3 1/2 years. Yes I get most people think it’s stupid to be in this type of situation, but it works out for me because I had two long-term relationships 8 and 13 years long that were abusive and traumatizing. Anyway we have have only hung out at his place to have sex. Around The beginning of the year, I noticed the sex was getting a little different. He was getting more passionate. Then in June he started wanting to have me over more often. Mid August, I had a bad car accident that thankfully I was only bruised inside and out but my car was completely smashed as I was hit by one car and knocked into another car. He texted me the same day and asked me what I was doing and I told him I had been an accident. I told him I needed to try to get my old car for my sons house running because I was starting a great job of the following Monday and needed my car to get there. He offered and picked me up and took me to my sons and got the car running. Stopped at an auto part, place along the way and bought a part that I needed to keep me from being pulled over. The next day he pick me up in, took me to the salvage yard where my wrecked car was to get my important belongings out of it and he unhooked my expensive stereo equipment for me. Every since that day, he has texted me every day at least to say good morning or to ask me mid day how my day is going. He says things like good morning you little hard worker. I hope you have a great safe day. He’s just been really sweet since then, but he still hasn’t tried to take me on a real date or anything but I’m confused at this point. honestly, I’m fine with how things are right now but I also wouldn’t mind if he wanted a relationship. The thing is I am terrified to ask him because I don’t want to push him away or ruin anything. I’m not looking to be judged. I would just like other people’s opinions.
Do you think my casual fling/ hook up has feelings?
Updates
7 mo
I forgot to mention, last night he ordered food for me to pick up for us on my way to his place. When I was waiting for him to get up and let me out of his house, he said you know I try to keep you here as long as I can.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Yes. It's been 3.5 years, and obviously that's time invested in you as a person, getting to know you, and getting to care about you. You can call it whatever you want, but this IS a relationship, even though you don't want to view it that way. He's the man in your life, even though you aren't living together. Are you actively looking for another partner. Is he? If the answer is no, then you are it for each other. He shouldn't be punished for your bad experiences in the past. If he's being more than a hook up with these gestures, it's telling that he cares about you and wants more. You said yourself that he wants you over more often. Hook ups aren't like that. Hook ups are 'come over for sex, and leave'. Maybe with some light companionship after such as sharing a coffee or something, but really, nothing more. He's treating you with more care and respect, and that tells me that he's got feelings for you.
Any other guy who was truly just a hook up would keep you at arm's length and try to find another woman in the process, knowing you're just there as a back up. That's not what's happening here. Why deny yourself some happiness for once. If something happened to him, would you wonder if he was the one that got away? This is the sort of person you need in your life to show you what good relationship skills are. Maybe it's time to ease into something more to finally find the happiness you deserve.
No i don't