Why do women want to get married so early?

[nastynate7188]

Ok, I'm from the south, in the military till 2013. Some might say I'm money oriented, and I can't totally disagree. I realize money doesn't bring happiness, but it does take money to be happy at least in my opinion. Anyways. There's the background...All my life I've been used to girls growing up and getting married as soon as they get out of high school...Why is that? Is it because girls think that their beauty is their best attraction feature and as they grow older they lose it? Every girl I talk to for any period of time always talks about she's ready to get married and start a family. I suppose sociological pressure is to blame for most of this, and yes I understand we were put her to pro-create but at what age? And what people don't realize is that a lot of sacrifices are made once you get married. Maybe just for me the benefits to being married don't outweigh the benefits of being single. Does that mean I'm a selfish person cause I want what's best for me? You could also pin this down to the fact that I've just never been in love. Whatever the reason, I'm am solely attracted to girls who are independent/ go getters...They don't wait their whole life in their hometown for prince charming. They have goals in their life. Graduate college, own a house, own a car, live wherever they desire, be the best at my job, visit another country...Not be average. Do women feel like failures if they aren't married by 25? do women get "desperate" to get married, or do they sometimes "settle" because of their age? I'm in the military and have been to afghanistan, germany, italy, czech republic, hungary, spain, greece, france, slovenia, and africa to name a few. I have seen many cultures and a broad spectrum of ppl, but have yet to understand this. the quickest way for a girl to turn me off is to start talking about marriage when she has done nothing for herself besides graduate high school. is it wrong to only go after succesful women, or more importantly women who seek success?

[WonderingNomad]

It's definitely a Southern thing. When I visit my family in the south (usually to attend a wedding, actually) all the girls are super fixated on tying the knot asap. And actually, I find that the guys are too, at least compared to the guys in the Northeast where I'm from (and not nearly as much as the girls). It's like going to another country down there sometimes! I'll be at a wedding and all my married 21 year old and 22 year old cousins will look down on me because I'm 25 (the horror!) and still single. But up here in the Northeast there's definitely a stigma attached to getting married before. And actually, anything earlier than 27/28 is considered kinda weird. I'm not saying one way is better, in many ways, I see the logic in a young marriage when you look at it from a biological sense, especially for women. I mean, women have a better chance of having healthy kids if they have them before 35-ish. So, assuming you want at least 2 kids, spaced, say, around 2 years apart, counting backwards from 35 puts you at 31. Now, for the majority of my northeastern gals up here who may get engaged at around 27 or 28 that only gives you 3-4 years to plan a wedding (which here usually takes about 2 years), get married, and enjoy the remaining 1-2 years of your early marriage before adding a kid to the mix. And that's assuming you get married at the earliest socially acceptable age.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm totally happy with the northeastern way of delaying marriage and wouldn't want to get married myself until at least 28 or 29. Like most of my gals up here, I want to establish myself a bit before becoming part of a unit for the rest of my life. But there is this pesky fertility math that I feel like my friends and I have just began sorta calculating. But from my experience the girls who get married young in the South aren't doing it for some well-reasoned calculations, but rather are striving for what their society considers success. In the South, it seems the girl is measured by the man she is able to "catch." Here, I think women's definition of "success" depends more on her own accomplishments. For better or for worse, we actually tend to look down on those women whose self worth stems from their marriage. But then again there is also a social stigma to still being single at, say, 45 (though even this has diminished quite a bit). I also think that in the South adulthood is defined by marriage. Until you're married, you're either still searching for someone to make you whole in a sense--a respectable member of adult society--if you're a woman, and if you're a man you're considered to still be d***ing around not ready for the responsibilities of adulthood or commitment. I think a lot of this pressure comes from parents, and is often indirect. Here, on the other hand, adulthood is characterized more by independence. If a girl were to move from her daddy's house to her husbands I think a lot of people would still view here as somewhat of a child.

[WonderingNomad]

But yeah if you love independent women come up north!

[WonderingNomad]

Also, divorce rates in the South are significantly higher than the rest of the country ('sept Nevada, naturally) so just keep in mind that even if you're take on marriage is in the minority where you live, statistics confirm your feeling that the Southern fixation on marriage is not exactly healthy, nor does it create the best foundation for a stable, lifelong partnership.

[Darkfairie17]

I would like to get married someday, but not right now. I am finishing up college, studying business and will be hopefully working afterward. I want the car and the house first, I would love a family some day but I want to wait until it's the right time. You are right, so much is given up in order to have kids. And I think women feel pressure in society because it is expected that women do everything. They are supposed to have kids, a house a car a good career, still look amazing and have a wonderful husband. It's a lot to expect of one person.

Plus women also are not able to have kids forever. For most, once they hit 35 their fertility starts to go down, and they find it harder to have kids. It sucks, and its not fair but that is why a lot of women want to rush it. They want it so bad because they know they can't just have them any time.

I think people shouldn't rush into things though. I used to have that mindset, but seeing some of my friends have to rush into things, it just makes me realize it's better to wait. Sure it would be great to have kids. But I want to make sure I can actually provide for them and have a husband who can help me raise them. Doing it all alone is hard, and it's challenging not only financially but in other aspects of life as well. And it really helps to have some life experience before you go into a marriage and into family life.

[Raebies]

I don't know why anyone would want to sit at home all day tending to a bunch of annoying kids or working all their lives to pay for a single house, car, etc. and never go out and experience the world and its wonders. That's definitely not me. I want to travel the world, do something important, something I love and not waste my time here, breeding. We're not that primitive. But I agree with the happiness theory; there are just too many things in this world that require money. We can't even enjoy life without it. Kind of sad, really.

This is why I hope to land myself in a career that will involve lots of travel - and on another note, having a family is just another attachment that keeps you from your goals in life. Say a girl gets pregnant at 16. She wanted to travel the world and have fun living in the moment, just being free - but she has a child to take care of now. So she gives up her dreams and takes care of this child for the next 18 years, but by then she no longer has any desire to live life. Her dreams have been extinguished, and besides, she probably has very little money to live them out even if she did. Anyway, so much for my opinion.

[Raebies]

Best Answer, eh? This would be the first. Thank you so much! ;))

[sixstring]

A lot of people feel this way. Then they turn 40, still aren't married or have kids, and become miserable because they wasted their entire adult life on making money. They wonder why they made that mistake.

Doing everything for a career is more life-draining than having a family, that's for sure.

[Raebies]

I'm not saying I don't ever want a family, just that when a person is unprepared to have one, it can severely impact their life and affect personal goals. I want to do what fulfills me as an individual, not have to answer to the whims and needs of another person before I have yet to satisfy my own. When I am ready to settle down and take care of a family, that will be my main priority, but it is not at present.

[lothanks]

Nature.

Women expire.

Women are born with all the eggs they will ever have and the eggs start to go stale during puberty...exponentially until menopause...

The chance of having a healthy kid drops exponentially as they get older..

[nastynate7188]

so women get married because a person would let them have kids, and if they happen to be in love its just a bonus. I just feel like women convince themselves they are somtimes in love to be able to re-produce

[WonderingNomad]

QA: t's more like you feel a pressure that you have to decide RIGHT NOW whether you want to have kids or not, because if you wait another year the option will be off the table. I'm only 25 and not even sure if I want kids, but I'm still aware that I have to decide within the next few years, which is terrifying. At least in my circle, I don't think anyone'd marry someone just to procreate. But if they've been with someone for a couple years and intend to marry them it can definitely affect their timeline.

[michael1725]

I think women are much more sensitive then men to cultural influences- if a girl is in an area where society tells her to settle down and marry (the south), she is more prone to it, whereas in areas like the NE (MA, NY, exc) women marry later

[toulouse]

I am not interested in marriage, but I hear from friends, If you want kids, fertility speaking--you should have them under 25. so there yo go, its not random.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>i don't think anyone 'should' .i think if they want to -go ahead.

tbh , growing up- I didn't think anyone got married anymore, npt till a guy I was dating started talking about it.. I thought he was joking, because I didn't think its something anyone did.

i know people say they feel more secure from cheating, but I thin cheaters feel more secure to cheat.

if you cheat on your gf/ boyfriend, they more likely to leave you, than if you cheat and your wife/ husband.

also,in marriage you choose each other ONCE and its BIG. but as bf/ girlfriend, you choose each other every single day you are choosing your partner over someone else. to me that's more meaningful, than I agreed to be with u, so ill stay because I have to. I do not think marriage says I want you forever. staying together when you do not feel obligated to, does, marriage says, today I want you forever & I promise to stay with u, even when I do not want you anymore..

I'm not looking to get married, but I'm not gonna be like OMG ho dare you ask. if I love guy he loves me& he wants to get married, id think of it as living together plus having a party to celebrate that we love each other. I'm not going to refuse, but I I never get married I won't notice the absence of it.

Also if I marry that's as far as prescriptions go. were both cooking, cleaning , fixing stiff taking out trash, working, watching kids id we have any, allowed to not want sex , having time with other people.. I'm not marrying into a position , I'm marrying a person,as person.. not a role requirement.

[calialltheway1993]

I kind of skipped question details but I would like to marry in my 20's, maybe mid 20's. I somewhat disagree with young people marrying because they haven't fully discovered the real word yet. They literally just popped out of their shell. They are the ones to get a divorce after a couple of years. I'm saying that's why people divorce, some divorce due to other certain things and that's totally understandable. Also, some might think getting married in your 20's is not good because you're still young. But I disagree because for girls, they have matured and experienced what's out there, the good and the bad. Same thing for guys because guys are more out there and they know exactly what to look for in a girl from previous experiences. Anyway, women tend to get married at an early age because they want to start a family and have a guy to proudly protect and love her mentally and pysically. Somebody that can nurture us the right way. This also comes from our sensitivity and love for men

[calialltheway1993]

Not*

[ThatStupidNerd]

I have no desire to get married young at all. I got a hand-reading once (For fun, honestly) and the guy said I would get married at about 35, and... I was surprisngly comfortable with that. I don't think having a husband/family = happiness, but many girls do. I mean, about 90% of romance movies end with the girl and the guy getting married, having a kid, and the last scene shows how damn happy everyone is. And let's be honest, most girls want their life to be a chick flick rather than... I don't know, an entry in the newspaper?

I could somewhat agree that nature intervenes, but at the same time no. Most high school graduates are about 18, right? That leaves about... 27 years of eggs, 17 if you want a baby without risk of malformities. (Roughly) that's double, almost.

So, being a girl, I'd go for the emotional response. Most women are driven by emotions, after all.

[Butterfly05]

I love marrige and the thought of being married. I have been thinking abot my dream wedding since I was 13. Am I am 21 now. I guess marriage is so important to women because is the fact` of being to someone and saying this is my hubby instead of boyfriend nobody wants to call the man you love boyfriend for long at least I dont. Also the fact that you are going to grow old with this person and have/ raise children with.

[brunettebelle]

I don't want to yet. Maybe the women where you are from want to married early. I know plenty that never want to. Think about it women haven't had equal rights for a full century, in some countries they don't have rights. We are slowly embracing not having to be married and trying newer things.

[Habakkuk]

I want to get married sooner than later, I don't want to be old and tired by the time I get married, but fresh out of high school is a little early because you're not stable at that age. My 20's would be ideal

[nastynate7188]

agreed, 20s. its just so many people get married without experiencing any of the great things life has to offer, and once they start a family, they get complacent, settled and never get to take advantage of them

[Habakkuk]

yeah, I think you should be a legal adult ie: 21 before getting married, but I don't see anything wrong with being committed to your relationship or getting engaged earlier than that. Also, I don't think you have to get complacent when married, but most do. I'll strive to enjoy life as much as possible, but enjoy it with my future wife, as opposed to alone

[Anonymous]

ehh id rather be successful first.all my friends have no money and couldn't have weddings, could barely pay for the marriage certificate, had to move in with their parents or grandparents, have to go on welfare, can't pay rent. all because the girl wanted to get married young. I'm 26 and sure I wish I was good enough to land a man earlier in life but honestly at least now I know that when me and my boyfriend do get married we can have a nice well off life together.

[sixstring]

Getting married at such an early age, together with people getting engaged after dating like 6 months, is the biggest reason the divorce rate is so high. They thínk they're ready, but they aren'.

[WonderingNomad]

agreed. they get caught up in the fantasy and don't deal with the reality of the decision they're making til it's too late. So sad.

[Anonymous]

i want to know that too, they don't date that long and then they get married. Like they date for 6 months and then they get engaged then they get married 6 months after that. Yes its a total of 1 year but I dated for two years and was still not ready and I was 24 and I'm 28 now and wondering if I will get married before 30

[LrtwihArt]

Um well this might just be me but the earlier I marry the earlier I have kids and I want to have kids youngish so that I'm not like super old when their in high school. But that's just me.

[ohyouknoww]

She probably wants you to commit to her, and that when you get back then you two will still be together. We won't be beautiful forever (; lol, so she probably just want to know that you both have a future together. Maybe she doesn't really want marriage, but the next best thing, a promise.

[WonderingNomad]

I disagree that we won't be beautiful forever. Every woman is beautiful ;-)

[gecko235]

I find that a lot of women have this need to be loved so they start a family at an early age with whoever they end up with.

[Anonymous]

that seems to be strictly a southern thing. I'm on the east coast and I can assure you I don't know a single girl like that

[nastynate7188]

it seems that this is less like the "norm" in places more buisness oriented as well. I had the perfect girl back home and she wanted to get married. I told her I would marry her after she got her college degree nursing (she was in school already). lol, she's engaged now to someone I know who cannot provide her any financial stability and she talks to me on the regular. was it wrong for me to hold her to a standard?

[-StillWater-]

I guess it's an American thing...

[beerY33]

I don't want to get married D:

[Anonymous]

I got married at 24