My coworker told me his girlfriend is jealous of me, why would she be?

Question

My coworker and I have been very friendly, but I am friends with both of my coworkers.

They are guys.

We have gone on Karting and Baseball together and we are having a good time at work, chatting and being very friendly to each other.

They often compliment me and help me or feel protective of me, but other than that we live our lives and we are just friends.

Today, when I was walking home, I suddenly saw one of my coworkers walking and I run to him and scared him from behind 🤣

It lead to us walking together and we talked a lot.

He was telling me he has a long distance relationship and he is figuring out how to help the situation because it’s very hard for his girlfriend to be far from him.

I tried to give some suggestions because I felt empathetic of that girl, because I have been in the same situation as well and I fully understand how she must feel being away from someone she loves.

I shared some of my experience to my friend.

At some point he told me, they had argument about me and his girlfriend has even stalked my Instagram account to see who I was ever since we started working together and she asked him “Who is this hot girl? And why are you hanging out with her? How is that friendly?”

(We are just friends though. I don’t have any feelings for him. I am just happy to have friends here, as I was totally new to Shanghai and didn’t have anyone here.)

I told him I wouldn’t like to come between him and his girlfriend and I hoped she can know I would never ever try to get close to somebody else’s boyfriend, especially that I have been in the same situation as her before, I mean LDR. So she doesn’t have to worry.

I suggested him that he shows her more attention so that she doesn’t have a reason to feel jealous and he must assure her that he loves her.

What else can I do?

Hipihik63 · Accepted Answer

Look up Emotional Affair. Like it or not when you and he have all the fun and laughter becas your his friend, what's left for her. She has every right to be upset. And if it happened to you before, you know the answer. Yes even if there is no sex between you two. I'm talking about his behavior verses trust & commitment and feeling she is losing her partner as he is spending time with you when she is far away. Maybe he used to tell her about his day but stopped doing that. Whatever y'all talk about, is she the first person he tells when he gets a pay raise or other good news like an attaboy from his boss? If in any way he brings the good news to you first, he may be emotionally bonded to you. Ever heard of Work Wife? And if he defends your friendship or puts her down in anyway when she brings it up, he is letting her down and you have unknowingly been having an emotional affair with him. Now whatcha gonna do about it?

Your not the bad guy, he is. Now she's all crazy and checking your instagram. Think of it like this. If another young pretty lady was hired at y'all's workplace and suddenly he stopped doing nice things with you. Then you noticed he was taking the new girl to the same place (or more fun places) than he did with you. And he didn't even greet you when you got to work anymore. You were friend dumped and she is now having an emotional affair with him.

Would it bother you? Would you miss the jokes and good times? Is it possible you might actually feel like his girlfriend missing the emotional attachment with him. Only your there seeing what he was doing with the new girl. His girlfriend can't see it so the insecurity builds. She has a reason to worry. If you want to make her feel better about being so far away, and him drifting further from her, encourage him to call her with with the next great news. Find other things to do with other fun single people so he has that time to call her instead of talking to you, the other woman. If he questions why your being distant put the blame on your new friends demanding your time or better yet tell him you agree with his girlfriend and just aren't comfortable upsetting her and would hate to be in her position.

I've been in her shoes and I can tell you an emotional affair will do more damage than a physical one. As guys say who get caught, it was just sex. Oh but when he didn't want me to come by his work for lunch becas he was taking her out somewhere. I freaking hated both of them. Her for interfering and him for replacing me with his work wife. Don't think what your doing is ok becas he says so. It's disrespectful and if he loves her he wouldn't want to hurt her. He had the to fix this. No you can't fix the damage he created. Why would you want to be the next girlfriend he hurts? Find a female to hang out with, start a hobby, let him know your not interested in giving your emotional energy to man who has a woman already. Respect yourself more than he does

sheenagwapa · Accepted Answer

girlfriends usually get jealous when a girl is a flirt because men are men there's even a funny saying in my country a flirt always win. but in my opinion it depends if the boyfriend is dumb or not... i am not saying you are a flirt because maybe you are just one of the guys. my answer is solely based on my personal fear before. i always get threatened if the girl is a flirt. my ex just so happen to like my appearance and he keep expressing it to me so i wasn't really insecure with that department. i felt i also took care of my ex i'm a naturally very caring person especially to loved ones so i am also not threatened on that department. i don't quarrel my ex a lot compare to a lot of gfs i'm not bratty so i'm alsk not insecure. i love my ex sl much before and i'm afraid to lose him. so when a girl is a threat to me it's usually because she is a flirt. i know her background. i am confident thst i am correct with her intention. thankfully my ex keep making me feel secure. not gonna lie though the girl is prettty and it did affect me in a way but if yky have a boyfriend who keep telling you you are pretty and i collect mirrors i love mirrors because i like looking myself in the mirror i was appeased.

in short yeah a flirt is the one i feel most threatened.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Most couples get jealous of their partner’s opposite sex co workers , mainly because they feel that co worker is trying to move in on their partner and trying to get into their pants. Shockingly this does occur more than we would like to think , My ex wife had an affair with her coworker that was investing a lot of his time into her , and doing a lot of things for her without me realizing it , that’s why I am divorced now , and before I was married, I have slept with some coworkers through the years myself. Mainly because you see that person a lot and spend a lot of time with that person and form a friendship and connection with each other and then it can possibly lead to more. Most affairs occur at work places mainly for that reason. Why people really shouldn’t have opposite sex friends when they are in a committed relationship with someone. We can easily assume an opposite sex friend/ co worker just wants to be our friend , but the truth is they probably want more than just friendship with you , So his girlfriend feels threatened by you , because he probably talks about you to her and she notices that you are a pretty girl , so she is jealous and assuming things might happen between the both of you, if your co worker friendship together is more than just work related and you are both investing a lot of time into each other than that’s why she is worried about you. I worked with a girl that was beautiful to my eyes the second I saw her and her and I hit it off and we realized we had a lot in common , but the one thing she didn’t tell me was that she was married , Her and I ended up having a lot of sex together until the truth finally came out that she was married , so again , why it’s best to stay clear of making friends with opposite sex coworkers or friends if you want your relationship to survive , it has nothing to do with trust , it comes down to respect for each other , A lot of drama and conflict can easily occur when opposite sex friends come into the picture and add fire into your current relationship with your partner. Just because you assume you are being innocent and not trying to make any moves on your co worker , he might not be thinking the same as you do. I don’t know how close of a friendship you have with him , but again if it’s more than work related than it’s probably already crossed his mind about having sex with you. The truth is no guy is going to invest a lot of his time into a girl that he just wants to be friends with , and the same goes for girls’ as well , so if he is keeping in touch with you on a steady basis and having conversations with you that are more than just work related shit , he more than likely has the hots for you and probably wants to bang you. If none of that is occurring than his girlfriend just feels insecure that he is working with a girl that she feels is prettier than her

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Don't take my directness here as an attack, I'm just trying to quickly get the point across.

You are a hot girl, and you go out of your way to sexualize yourself, online and I'm sure in person.

He's a guy in a long distance relationship, which means he has to put in tremendous effort and pay a high emotional cost to maintain that relationship without getting anything back (in terms of physical intimacy), which is what men need to recharge their batteries.

Now you are hanging out with him, and there's no getting around the fact that he wants to fuck you. Most guys do, and virtually all guys who also like your personality will. He's clearly in a situation where the only thing preventing him from outright sexually cheating on her is YOUR boundaries - and by the pictures you post, they don't portray someone with strong boundaries.

He's already cheating on her at some level by hanging out with you alone - in my opinion that's already crossing a line - but she justifiably is worried you will find yourself lonely or just not maintain your boundaries and the two of you will bang.

He clearly can't be trusted, but to be fair, most people can't sustain a long distance relationship for exactly this reason. Still, if you haven't fed your dog for 3 days and then you leave a steak out on the counter, can you really blame the dog for eating it?

LDRs don't work, but, frankly, you are the worst nightmare of other girls - a hot girl who intentionally sexualize herself and then hangs out with taken guys.

There's no mystery why she's upset. But most people also have to learn the hard way that LDRs don't work - and some never learn.

caring__1 · Answer

When he talks with her about his day, I'm sure the people in his life come up. Since this is long distance for him, she'll want to check up on everything she can. She hears him mention you and sees you in social media photos. It's very hard to maintain long distance relationships, so she's probably comparing herself to whatever she discovers in his life. Maybe she sees qualities in you that she feels are lacking in her. Maybe she is jealous of the time you spend with him, as you probably appear happy in the photos he posts online, and she wishes she was the one spending time with him. Don't take this personally, as it has to do with what's going on inside of her, and she would feel the same way if you were another woman. Let them address and solve their own problems. Nothing you do can do more than stir the pot and make things worse between them.

Summeroflove · Answer

That’s really weird. If you know you’ve never done anything sexual or romantic with him then she really has no business. Now I don’t think it’s stalking to look at someone’s public page. But her behavior is very odd.

Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do if your friend doesn’t want to hang out with you.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Contact her and try to get to know her, if your friend is okay with that plan.

Avicenna · Answer

She sees you as a rival, and they already have the pressures of an LDR

Anonymous · Answer

It's great that you're considerate of your coworker's relationship and want to maintain a friendly, respectful dynamic. Here are a few additional things you can do:

1. Maintain Transparency: Continue to be open and transparent with your coworker about your intentions and the nature of your friendship. This will help reassure both him and his girlfriend that there's nothing romantic between you.

2. Limit Physical Contact: While friendly interactions are fine, consider avoiding physical contact that might be misconstrued, especially when his girlfriend is concerned.

3. Respect Boundaries: If his girlfriend has expressed discomfort, it's essential to respect her boundaries. Avoid engaging in activities that she might find uncomfortable or overly friendly.

4. Encourage Communication: Encourage your coworker to have open and honest communication with his girlfriend about your friendship. Suggest that he shares with her the nature of your relationship and your willingness to be friends only.

5. Support Their Relationship: Continue to offer advice and support on maintaining a long-distance relationship. Your insights and understanding can be valuable to him and his girlfriend.

Remember that it's ultimately their responsibility to manage their relationship, but your understanding and willingness to help create a healthy dynamic can make a positive difference.

Miristheiss · Answer

Because they are hanging out with you socially.

Flip the roles. I am a man. When I was single, if I had a committed girlfriend, her going out and doing friend dates with other guys was not permitted. She doesn't need guy friends to hang out with and text and spend alone time with.

She can do that all she wants... she was just never going to be my girlfriend. If any woman wanted a serious commitment from me then she's not going on friend dates with other guys. She's taken. Calling them "friends" isn't some loophole for other men to get quality time alone with my girl and vice versa. If she chose to have close male friends and to want to hang out with guys I just would have moved on to someone and not considered her for a girlfriend.

I consider that disrespectful, disloyal and it is acting single when you are not single. Go find some other guy to let you dabble on both sides of the fence. You get a committed guy on one hand but get to keep all of your male orbiter friends to shower you with attention on the other hand. Nope.

It sounds like your friends are taken yet they are still going out alone with some girl (you). If it bothers his girlfriend then she should set a boundary that her guy isn't doing friend dates with other girls. Otherwise she should just walk away.

It sounds like she is pretending to herself she is fine with her guy spending all this quality "friend" time with some other girl but it is really eating her up inside.

She needs to grow a pair and set a boundary or just dump him.

You, quit acting naive. Acting like hanging out and going out with taken guys is so innocent. I'm sure if you ask any of your male friends if they wanted to have sex they'd jump you in a second.

RedInnocent68 · Answer

Tough one! The answer is easy. What to do about it is difficult. You’re hot. You spend time with him. Sounds like more than she does. There’s really nothing you can do short of change jobs! He needs to talk to her about you. If he doesn’t, she knows he still spends time with you and will think he’s hiding something. He can’t say he’s not attracted to you because, you’re hot. If she’s met you, she knows you’re hot, and at some level she’s probably attracted to you. For her sake, you need some boundaries. You can go for lunch. Maybe even after work drinks with other colleagues. He can’t come to your place to watch movie. You can’t go to his place for dinner. He needs to be open with her about you, the time you spend together, and keep reassuring her that nothing is or will happen without lying that he doesn’t find you attractive. The best thing you can do is get a your own relationship. When that happens the four of you might even be friends. Until then, you’re kind of side-chick in waiting and she will always feel jealous and threatened.

Angelo75 · Answer

Just break off all contacts with him.

The very fact that he trusts you enough to tell you about the feelings of her girlfriend is actually a level of trust that the girlfriend should be getting. Not you.

Meaning either you're incredibly irresistible and you can take it as a compliment but get the bad feeling that you stole the guy of another girl, or you are normal and your coworker is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend with you. Meaning even if he gets into a relationship with you, he's likely to also do the same around your back.

Either way this is a can of wurms you don't wanna open.
Walk away. Tell him you don't want his trust/friendship. Just his professionalism.
Or just break contact if u can.

Guido · Answer

She is defi ately jealous. You are there with him and she is not. You are a beautiful woman and she probably feels threatened because you may be better looking then she is and she is worried her boyfriend will want you instead. It doesn't matter that he is your friend only and you would never do anything inappropriate. She is a long way away and cannot be sure of that.

They are dating and the trust level is not there to not be jealous. When she visits him, have him introduce you to her so she can get to know you and hopefully become your friend too. Once she knows and trusts you her feeling of jealousy should subside. There is nothing he can say from a distance that will make her feel better. She will stay worried about you. She may even trust him but she is not trusting that you will not try to steal her boyfriend.

molonski2 · Answer

Sure she is jealous you can kind of understand because you are " too close to the action " , the guy I'm assuming she wishes to be close to , what can you do? Dont think you can do much more other than take a risk and WeChat her , let her see you maybe?

Lisia · Answer

I totally get that but I feel like this is not your place to do anything. It's his relationship and he should decide what happens further and if he wants to make her feel better he might need to stop being as close with you as he is right now. But that's his choice.. I feel like even if you don't have feelings for him nor find him attractive, it could be the total opposite for him. I don't know, I wouldn't trust it either if I was the long distance girlfriend

ZackBan · Answer

It's simple. You get him for 8 hours a day she gets him for the remaining 5 when he's already tired from work.
You have her at a disadvantage, her jealousy is understandable, you have what she wants and you also have an opening to take her man away since you get along so well.

My best friend is in the army, his girlfriend always goes nuts when he talks about a female Sargent who serves with him and is a friend. She has a car so she gives him a lift from time to time.
His girl loves him to death and that love fuels her envy of the coworker

Billlewis · Answer

His girlfriend is jealous of you because you have the entire package -- you're drop dead gorgeous, smart as hell, and you ooze charisma, charm and feminine appeal... what woman wouldn't be jealous of you?

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Some girls go WAY off the deep end with that shit! I was at a party one night and me, a woman and one other guy were just sitting in the garage talking when this other girl in a mini skirt (scooter type) walked in from the house and started talking to the other guy. It was a COMPLETELY innocent and casual conversation! After a couple minutes, her panties must've been bugging her a mite and she casually reached under the back of her skirt and with one finger under each leg hole in her panties, she ran them along the elastic to pull them out of the rut they were digging in her legs and then let them both go at just about the same time with a slight snap. WELL, this guy's wife or girlfriend saw and heard that and went off the deep end as if the girl did that with sexual intent to get him horny to fuck her and she yelled and screamed at this guy because SHE believed he was gonna start cheating on her with that girl JUST because she adjusted her panties in front of the three of us!!

Meropatrick · Answer

After all u have mentioned u still ask why she is jealous? Why do girls play dumb? when they know the answer. She thinks u r hot. And The guys are too friendly with u and seem to be a bit too close with u. Even if its in a friendly way. U r not dumb. U know tht girls get angry and jealous easily of eachothers even if the girl is doing nothing. Let alone hanging out with a boyfriend and being the Centre of the attention. If u r good looking then no doubt in my mind the guys are attracted to u. Even if u have good intentions his girlfriend will never stop being wary of u. Now u can decide do u want to stay in this situation. Keep in mind the girl won't stop keeping taps on u. And she might cause u Some trouble if she is the psycho type. U decide

DermalPunch · Answer

Hahaha. Oh man. He is playing youuu. 🤣🤣🤣 Testing to see the following.

You will be a side thing
He has to dump his girl for you
Has to lie that he dumped his girl for you and have you as a side thing
Utilize her insecurity about you to keep her in line.

Men are so diabolical.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

It may be best that he not bring you up again. Neither of you are doing anything wrong, it's just the optics of it.

Nice of him to be honest and all with her, but sometimes it's best not to offer to many details as it can be taken the wrong way.

Alex-Snow · Answer

You did nothing wrong at all and you seem like a good friend to ur coworker. His girlfriend is just jealous cause you get to be near him. Maybe encourage him to text/call her more often or even try some video sex with her. They could have fun watching each other masturbating and having orgasms... just a thought!

zagor · Answer

I had a F co-worker who started dating a guy and when they'd go places she'd say "yeah I went here with Zag" because we used to do a lot of stuff together as friends and he was convinced we had had some kind of torrid relationship. Kind of funny.

msc545 · Answer

Get her contact details from him and talk to her. That will help.

My coworker told me his girlfriend is jealous of me, why would she be?

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