What do you think of your partner not coming home at night with no text or call?

Question

My boyfriend and I live together. A few times now he goes out and does not come back until the next morning at like 10am. Yes obviously I’ve had thoughts that he’s with another woman but I’ve never accused him. He always shows me proof the next day that he’s smoking with his friends but he gets really mad at me for being mad sand says he’s a grown man and he dosent need to explain when he’s coming home and the time. Am I in the wrong for getting moody with him when he dosent let me know! He says how he’s 27 years old and not a kid and I get that but I just worry? And yes sometimes I have suspicions hee up to no good especially if he dosent answer the phone?

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

I was living together with this man for the past year and 1/2. When I first met him, he would answer his phone. For year's after that I always went to voicemail. If I texted him, he didn't read them. I heard every excuse in the book why he couldn't contact me and I knew if I tried to call him, to his voicemail I would go.
So these past few months he had a phone that he said only gets the internet on it. Ya can't call or text on it. Then that phone disappeared altogether.
I swear to you sister, if you stay with a guy that thinks he can cheat on you (and probably doing drugs) after so long of shoving those stressful, bad feelings down you'll end up really suck. I mean disabled kind of sick. Then who will take care of you and your son if that happens to you? Stress can and does make a person very sick.
This happened to me girlfriend. This is real life stuff!
Look, I know it's easy for us to advise you to break up with him, but in reality for some of us it's impossible. Especially now a days when there aren't any places for rent anymore. If you could go live back home or with a friend, that would be best.
I raised my son since he was a newborn when my husband decided to up and abandon us. I'm not saying it's easy, and I'd you're afraid, then do it afraid.
And the idea isn't to just go look for someone else. That won't be the answer either.
The very best to you 🌺
Sage, 🌹

rosemilk · Accepted Answer

a grown man needs to show respect to his partner by telling her that he'll be coming home at X time... that's what grown adults do when they care for others. this dude is literally still acting like a child. in no way are your feelings invalid. don't let him make you feel like you're in the wrong here. anyone with a heart would be concerned on why the hell their partner isn't coming home until 10am the next morning without any call or explanation... and yes that IS suspicious... don't let him gaslight you into thinking this is okay or normal.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

You have every right to be concerned and that is clearly a red flag that he doesn’t contact you or text you on whether he is coming home or not , so I hate to say it , but he is more than likely cheating on you , and honestly something you should reconsider, if you want to continue being in a relationship with someone like that. Whether he is up to no good or not , he clearly doesn’t value you or care about your feelings , I was in relationships with girls that did this to me and they are no longer my girlfriend. The reason being is I am not going to stay in a relationship with someone that doesn’t make me their top priority like I do them , there is no relationship if your partner can not value you like you value them , So if I was you I would dump him and kick him to the curb where he belongs , you deserve someone that treats you better than that shit. Someone that stands by you like You stand by them , your boyfriend only likes the convenience of you, don’t ever be an option to no one

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

This is unacceptable on every level. Period. If he is cutting off communication at night and offering no accountability then it’s an act of pure disrespect. Force his hand or just leave. The fact he has conditioned you to think you may not be worthy of a man’s attention tells me he’s not a good man.

You should go out for an all-nighter.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

How would he respond if YOU didn't come home one night, with no call, no text, no warning?

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

He would not be my partner anymore.

provokeesmokee · Answer

I'd break up with that. Smoking with your buds until 10am and not even letting you know? Then getting mad?

90% chance he's cheating.
10% chance he's being legit.

100% chance he gives no fucks about your relationship or worries.

A text is easily sent. He is sending you a message of a different kind: he feels you have no risk of leaving him, so he's pushing to see how much he can get away with before you get emotional. Then, he'll push more.

Classic playbook of a toxic partner.

Paulalove98 · Answer

No because he should be honest about where he is and what’s happened and you care about him after all. You also pay the bills around there.. that’s not right. If my fiancé was just taking off and not communicating I’d be mad too. I just find it messed up even if he is smoking with friends showing up wee hours of the night and forgetting you.

YouKnowMe2 · Answer

I had a similar situation, in my case, my ex didn’t come back home only once, and a days after she confessed me her infidelity on that night.

My recommendation is talk to him and set your boundaries. If he doesn’t change, just break up.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

That’s a problem and his defensive comments when you bring it up don’t help his case. Even if he isn’t cheating I wouldn’t put up with it. It’s disrespectful and takes advantage of your trust.

boggboss · Answer

If thats the relationship u guys are happy being in yhen good for u most reasonable people wouldn't accept this type of behaviour I don't imagine he would be happy if u did the same so...

Vampire_Killing_Time · Answer

As a creature of the night, I would go out and see for myself. I know where he likes to hang out. An irregularity, I will know. It's not acceptable behavior.

catarecute · Answer

i would do the exact same thing to him. put some money aside and occasionally spend a day in a four star hotel pamper yourself and give zero explanation.

Anonymous · Answer

Have you explained to him you are just worried because I care about you and it scares me when I don't hear from you that maybe you have been involved in an accident or you are hurt somewhere.

sheikalana · Answer

I think is disrespectful. My husband rarely goes out but when he does he gives me constant updates on what he's doing and I appreciate that so much.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Not coming home is one thing but he better fckin answer my calls/texts. Shit happens more than once and without good reason then i’m out

LazerBean · Answer

I would be extremely worried, since my husband is never so inconsiderate as to do something like that.

Mamaliv · Answer

sounds like the tables need to be turned and you need a wild girls night!

DummyThiccFeraligatr · Answer

She'd better have a very good reason for not informing me beforehand, otherwise I'm out.

boobliker · Answer

who are they in bed with?

slatyb · Answer

Intolerable.

JennieF · Answer

Some nights, that might be convenient.

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