Bid farewell to my ex without telling my new girl (a moral balancing act)?

[Anonymous]

For context I'm an expat living in a foreign country, last year I started dating a fellow expat from my home country and things went good for a while until she left me because she was dealing with a lot of mental stress and conflicting feelings. We stayed friends.
A while back she told us (we have friends in common) that she was leaving and moving back home and couldn't deal with the expat life anymore, so a friend threw her a farewell party.
I'm now seeing a girl (a local) and I didn't tell her what the party was about but went anyway. Me and my ex bonded very well, reminding us of the good old days. We both got drunk and put arms around eachother when standing in the cold but I made sure nothing else happened.
I accompanied her home since she lives near me and bid her goodnight and farewell to which she replied with a kiss on the cheek.

While I do feel like I handled it the best way possible without putting my current relationship at risk but at the same time remaining faithful to my girl I do feel a bit of a conflict.
While it's an unfair comparison it does seem the chemistry I shared with the ex is much stronger and always came so naturally so seeing my girl tomorrow might seem strange as my brain will be drawing comparisons. While I had fully moved on this event definitely put some things in a new (or old) perspective and I do not want it to linger and bleed onto my current attempt at a relationship.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude that's a messy situation you got yourself into there. I get you were just saying goodbye to an old friend, but kissing her cheek ain't cool while you got a new girl.

If I were you, I'd come clean to your current girlfriend. Tell her exactly what happened at the party - don't lie or omit details. She deserves to know. Just own up to it and make it clear nothing else will happen with the ex anymore.

As for lingering feelings, it's normal to remember good times with an ex. But don't let that cloud your judgment now. Your current girl deserves your full focus if you want things to work out.

Give yourself some space from the ex for a while too to clear your head fully. Don't talk or hang out until you're sure you're over her - it ain't fair to lead your girl on otherwise.

Just be honest, put in the work, and show your commitment. That's the honorable thing to do here. If she's understanding, you've got a chance to build trust back up. Good luck bro!

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer, I completely agree with you actually.

But maybe I wasn't clear in the original question it was her who kissed my cheek and I didn't exactly see it coming to stop it, kinda just happened.

In the end I'm not seeing my girl today because she fell sick.

She also just told me that she too was out with friends last night and shared an uber home with a guy she knows just like I did.
While it's not 100% the same it does make me feel less conflicted to be reminded that we both have friends and history with people and there's nothing wrong with that we are adults. Since I know nothing actually happened with my ex there's nothing to be hung up about

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah okay, thanks for the additional context. Yeah if your ex kissed your cheek as more of a goodbye gesture and you didn't initiate it, then I wouldn't worry too much about that part. Stuff like that can happen spontaneously without meaning anything more.

And good point that your girl was also out with friends last night too. Definitely helps put things in perspective knowing you both have your own lives and friend groups outside the relationship. As long as you're both being honest and faithful when you're together, that's all that really matters.

I'd say try not to overthink it now. Seems like your mindset of moving on fully from the ex is the right one. And your girl falling sick actually takes some of the awkwardness out of seeing her today too. Just relax and be your normal self when you do hang out again. Glad you've got a level head on your shoulders about it all man.