Do guys sometimes say outlandish things to mask their true feelings when they're scared to be vulnerable?

[SlowestCheetah]

2 years ago, I got involved with a guy who had a lot of relationship trauma. He was consistent, called and texted everyday, and put in effort, I guess, but he never took anything seriously. I never knew where we stood because he was always, and I mean ALWAYS, joking.

• He "accidentally" told me he loved me 6 times, and he always made it clear he didn't mean to do it.

• He gave the weirdest compliments. He didn't call me pretty or beautiful often, but he told me he wanted to wear me like a suit. Neat.

• He joked about wanting me forever, and said he wanted me to move in and never leave. He also told me my soul was his. ?

• He mouthed, "olive juice" at me all the time just to catch the look on my face 🙃 and there were a few really romantic songs he played every time I saw him.

I couldn't take his lack of commitment or genuine communication, and it ended messily. I guess he cared more than he let on, because he took it extremely badly.

Is it normal for guys to use jokes to mask their true feelings? Did I mess up?

[Holsen]

Well personally speaking I don’t like to be direct with people as they would just misunderstand so instead I either joke around or act a bit foolish or quiet in order to distract their attention from the real me and to reconstruct their idea of me, but I don’t care if people won’t see the real me ;so the point is that when a girl shows interest in me I usually am twice as awkward at first but if she still stays long enough I am slowly convinced I can show her a bit more of the true me so the more time passes and the deeper the bond we form the more real I am and my colours are shown; this can be the case with your boy but I doubt that as your boy sounds a lot like my ex girlfriend and she too was like that and it ended and she didn’t take it well either amd the reason that I decided to break up was because she stayed always the same no matter if we were passing a good phase or a bad phase she stayed the same and she was also laid back so she didn’t put much effort into creating a bond and we ended up with 8 months of being in a relationship and we still hadn’t created a bond between us and let alone deepening that bond;in conclusion she had commitment problems and also fear of being alone but what I’m saying is that I don’t think you were wrong, it may seem like he was a nice guy but I guess he wasn’t the match for you!!

[SlowestCheetah]

Your situation definitely sounds similar. It always felt like he thought we were in a movie or something and it seemed like he didn't realize that he actually had an effect on me.
We talked yesterday for the first time in a long, long time, and he's saying all the right things. He misses me. He's been thinking about me. He wants me to come back. But I can't believe anything he says anymore. We were a thing for 7ish months and I never met his family, but he told me he wanted to have babies with me about 50 times. He just confuses me. UGHHH
At any rate, I'm not going back. I'm just curious about whether he could've been more serious than I realized.

[Holsen]

I think you haven’t missed anything as I think he just isn’t made to be serious or at least I think he only gets serious when he is sad;plus being stubbornly rambling about wanting ababies witb you is kinda awkward and toxic;I think you are definitely right about not going back to him ;in my case I felt so much better once I was over with it and also really enjoyed my single time while being open to new relationships having learned my lesson!!

[SlowestCheetah]

Awkward & toxic are the two best words to describe him tbh

[Holsen]

by the way by no chance is he an emo or smoke or weed addicted?

[SlowestCheetah]

I don't know if I'd describe him as emo, but he certainly had depression issues. He had been in the Army and I think he had some undiagnosed PTSD going on. One time he got scared when I dropped a broom in the kitchen. He was also in addiction recovery, and he did smoke weed, but quit by the end of our relationship.

[Holsen]

Kind of same here as my ex had depression and also smoking and weed problems, dunno if she still continues but it’s weird how these persons seem to be more common these days!!

[Sofargone93]

Honestly it could have worked out if he would have stopped being a goof ball and took you more seriously. He let it get to the point of mixed signals and childish. What you wanted was for him to get to the point and stop and stop acting like a teenager. Hell. You're a grown woman. There's a time to play and a time to be serious and women don't like being toyed with. As for him... He might need to chill out on the jokes and focus on himself because I'm sure what ever he went through before you wasn't funny. It was not wrong for you to end what ever it was you two had.. because the last thing you want is for him to funny in the beginning then out of nowhere here come trust issues from his past.

[Sofargone93]

He took it hard because you didn't lower yourself down to his level of insecurity to meet him half way. You weren't supposed to leave him because he was being a "nice guy".

[SlowestCheetah]

This sounds correct. I remember one time he got upset because I didn't take the key to his apartment he left out for me, but he didn't really tell me that it was mine, either. He just left a key out for me to use and told me where he'd hid it, then 2 weeks later called me a doufus when he found it in its hiding spot where he left it. I thought if he meant for me to have it, he should've put the key in my hand and said, "here's the key to my apartment," but he always left everything serious between us open to interpretation.
I started just assuming that he didn't mean what I thought he meant unless he said it explicitly. I asked him to be more direct so many times and he wouldn't or couldn't do it. Now, 2 years later, I still feel confused, but your assessment sounds right.

[Sofargone93]

Hopefully you haven't had anymore guys with communication issues.

[SlowestCheetah]

I actually stopped dating entirely after him. I really loved him and it took me a long time to heal from what happened between us. I tried dating briefly, but I cried when the guy told me he loved me around the 3 month mark, so I broke it off and told him I wasn't ready for commitment.
We spoke over the weekend for the first time in a long time, and it's kind of messing with me now. He definitely seems more mature these days, but I don't know if I can do it again. That's the real reason I asked. If he was just toying with me, I won't give it another shot. If it sounds like he actually cared but was immature, I might.

[Sofargone93]

Ride your wave and enjoy life for a good while. Sometimes it's best not to pick into the past. It opens up old woulds and leave our mind all uncertain and indecisive. I don't like it at all. You'll find some random guy one day and won't even know where he came from.

[Sunnybeach123]

I made jokes, like my dick has a mind of it's own, if I got involuntarily aroused with a female friend.

[Anonymous]

Guys learn very quickly that women want in your head so they can CONTROL you. A guy that has any experience with women knows you just tell her what she wants to hear. Sounds like like he really liked you. But it also sounds like he's better off without you.

[SlowestCheetah]

Excuse me? What the hell did I do? I just wanted him to be straight forward with me

[Opinion Owner]

You didn't necessarily do anything. It could just be the 100 other succubi before you. You touch a hot stove you learn not to do it again. He trusts you. But he knows you're still a woman. So he cannot fully trust you, even though he liked you. And in the end what he gave was not good enough. So like I said you're both better off. What he gave was not enough for you. And you never really understood where he was at. You need a guy without any experience with women apparently and he needs a woman that doesn't need him to be other than what he is. And accepts what he gives. As I said. You guys are better off.