What are some of the worst ways people self-sabotage in relationships and how can they avoid doing so?

[experience]

[karoline]

i think sooo,

Overthinking: You know when you make a big deal outta nothing in your head? Yeah, try not to do that. Just go with the flow.
Ghosting on Tough Talks: Avoiding the real talk just piles up the probs. gotta face it, no running away.
Commitment Freak-Out: If you bail every time things get real, you're missing out, just saying.
Jealous Much?: When you get jelly too easily, it's a bit much. trust is key, ya know?
Old Drama, New Relationship: Dragging ur ex's drama into your new thing? Bad idea. Leave that stuff in the past (goo exx).

Basically, keep things simple, trust each other, and if you're stuck, maybe chat with someone who knows their stuff. No shame in getting a bit of help.

[caring__1]

Choosing to not be clear, concise, open and honest with communication. Talking is not communicating, and expecting others to read your mind will always be dysfunctional. Never say one thing when you mean another.

Focusing on things out of their control rather than what is within their control (focusing on the behaviors of others rather than their own).

Feeling entitled, especially to accuse, blame, criticize, demand, rationalize, yell and tell others what they should or shouldn't do.

Expecting more of a partner than they bring to the relationship... seeking handouts rather than partnership.

Assuming what was done to them by others in the past will be done to them in the present and future.

Relying on fate, religion or others thinking for them rather than believing in their own ability to think for themselves.

Feeling threatened by differences in others due to insecurity.

Assuming what makes sense to them must make sense to everyone else... minimizing the other person's perspective.

Making unilateral decisions which impact others.

To avoid these patterns, explore and address whatever assumptions, insecurities, or lack of knowledge that might be getting in your way, and start considering how your choices impact others rather than be self-absorbed. Gain whatever knowledge might be helpful and consistently apply that acquired knowledge. Don't continue dysfunctional patterns, just because they are familiar. If they're not moving you in the direction you want to go, come up with alternatives that will.

[Summeroflove]

Cheating is the biggest thing. Trying to change another perosn. Sometimes people aren’t compatible. But they want to try and force the other to be who they want them to be.


The biggest thing is. People who don’t know when to walk away or when to stay. They leave when they could have worked it out and stay when it’s a dead end.

[Anonymous]

Ignoring negative emotions.

Criticizing your partner.

Holding grudges.

Directing energy at things other than the relationship.

Focusing on your partner's flaws.

Trust issues

Constantly pushing the other person away.

I feel If you are only in a new relationship and you feel the need to want access to the other person's passwords, and you start telling them who they can and can't follow. I feel this is also a form of self sabotaging.

[LazerBean]

By spending too much time thinking about themselves. Not in a way that will lead to self improvement, but in a way that leads to self pity and blaming others for their life's shortcomings.

[exitseven]

I was going through a really distasteful time in my life. I was dating somebody who had a really positive attitude and was a very cheerful person. I was mired in the reality of my situation. I brought this negative energy into the relationship. After a while she went back to her old boyfriend

[Anonymous]

I don't look at it as "self sabotage". I have a list of DON'Ts with women. I don't tell her them. She should instinctively know them. All quality women do. If she violates one she's OUT plain and simple. This isn't self sabotage, this is selection. Because if she can't even do this then it's not going to be a healthy relationship.

[bededazzle]

choosing the wrong person in the first place (my problem)

don't feel pressure just because you have no other options

[Nikki1989]

Men are notorious for giving up trying. Then they wonder why their partner suddenly seems bored by everything.

[Pohjolan]

Saying that you want something else than what you actually want.

[BLP11520]

Smother a partner, or take them for granted. unreasonable demands

[Joker_]

not eating healthy enough