New relationship guilty, the truth?

[Anonymous]

There was so much wrong in my relationship with my ex, although there had once been so much love between the both of us for over a decade, over time my expectations for him to move in with me and get married to me had become the toxic seed in our relationship. We had both lost respect for each other over the years of being unable to get over past hurts and let downs. quite a bit of dishonesty, blame, insults, "breaks", a few moments of verbal & physical abuse. It wasn't love anymore.

I've recently started a new relationship with this great guy I met on bumble. He's a couple months younger than me but I just felt he was the protector provider type when I met him and as I spent time with (3 ms 2ms dating 1m as boyfriend/girlfriend) him that is the energy he's given me.
I want marriage, but to a stable man who has their life together, new boyfriend has a good stable job which he's been working for more than 7yrs in home tech installation. I feel guilt when I am with him because I lied about it being 2yrs since I left my ex but in fact it had only been 1m. Also because he's so nice to me and willing to get to the marriage part and he talks about wanting to do all the things I practically begged my ex to progress into with me. Now I have a man who wants to do that with me I have all these feelings of not deserving it because of the way I behaved towards my ex in my previous relationship. Anyone been through something like this? How did you get over it or how did you motivate yourself to act out of love in the new relationship not fear of loosing the new person?

Updates

5 mo

Told new boyfriend the truth about how long it has been now, he took it well and told me his feelings for me has not changed. I feel anxious and a little guilty still but much better that I've come clean and told him about it I can start a relationship on a lie.

Updates

5 mo

Can't * I can't start it on a lie is what I wanted to say

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that's like a crazy situation. I mean your last relationship sounded really toxic and unhealthy, so it's good that's over. But I get feeling guilty starting something new so fast. Just try to remember that your ex relationship was totally messed up, so you don't need to feel bad about moving on.

This new guy seems okay so far. As long you're being honest with him now and don't repeat the same mistakes, I think you'll be good. Just take it slow and really listen to each other. Make sure you're both happy and on the same page. Try not to stress too much about the past - just focus on making your new relationship better.

And don't be afraid to ask this guy for what you need - like marriage someday if that's important to you. Just communicate well so there's no misunderstandings. If you really care about each other, I'm sure you can work things out. Good luck, hope it all works out for you!

[Asker]

Spoken to him about it and he said it was a big thing not to have told him but he understood why I hadn't told him.

He still treats me and speaks to me in the same way, kind and caring.

I explained to him that I have feelings for him and so if we are going to do this part of my expectations of him would be to keep me accountable.

This new relationship will be my second serious relationship and I want it to work. He's the second guy I've ever slept with in life as well so I'm not the type of person to become involved in the hook up culture so I'm happy he's been empathetic enough to understand and we can continue to build on our small beginnings.

[Oliverlogan263]

That's really mature of your new guy to understand why you didn't tell him at first and still treat you the same. Takes a real one to see past something like that and focus on how you feel now. Props to him.

And big props to you for being honest and having that open chat about it too. Takes guts to admit your mistakes, but it's obvious you wanna do right by this guy. Keepin' each other accountable is smart - that way you can both work on buildin trust going forward.

Seems like you got a good thing goin here if he's on the same page about a serious relationship. Those kinda connections don't come along every day, especially with how crazy dating can be these days. I'm happy for you, seems like you found someone genuine who sees your good heart.

Just keep doin what you're doin - communicatin honest, appreciatin each other each day. You guys got this. Make sure to cherish what you built so far and it'll only get stronger from here. Wishing you both the best!

[Billlewis]

I urge you not to feel the least bit guilty at all, and just move forward with your new boyfriend.

[LazerBean]

Just tell him the truth, he deserves better than to be with a liar.