What do you think about a partner's questionable (cheating) past?

[Anonymous]

A girl I'm seeing got divorced last year. Last night, she told me the story of why they broke up. She took a trip to Italy, by herself for a 12-week training program. About week 3 she started catching feelings for one of her coworkers. She told me at that point, she was trying to keep the marriage alive, calling her husband but he basically blew her off and they were almost just roommates.

She said it "just happened" and she didn't mean to have an affair but didn't f this Italian dude until week 9, when she saw him dancing with another girl and it ended up making her feel jealous and she went up to him for a kiss. They ended up doing it literally on the street in Italy until some pedestrian told them to take it somewhere else. I assume it went on for the last 3 weeks, because then she was literally sighing because she said "I never thought sex could feel good!"

Anyway, she got home and told her husband everything and of course he wanted a divorce (who wouldn't, right?) she felt trapped, she got all the things from the Italian lover that her husband didn't provide but the worst part is that just makes her a cheater. She took some of the accountability, but if she was really "doing the right thing" she would've divorced him before her trip or explained to her husband what she needed for him to keep her, right?

That story ultimately makes me think of her as a cheater, even though I really like a lot of other parts of her personality, but I'd never want to settle down.

Is that fair? Is she (literally) for the streets?

[Anonymous]

You mentioned that she was trying to keep her marriage alive while simultaneously catching feelings for her Italian lover. That’s like giving water to a plant deprived of sunlight. You also mentioned her husband blew her off and they were almost just roommates. If that’s true, her marriage was dying long before the affair. I’d want to know what was going on that would cause her husband to just stop trying.
But in the end, no matter how she spins the story, she wronged the one person who was supposed to be the most important person in her life. And she did it out of selfishness and spite. Kudos to her for being upfront about it, but I’d still be hesitant about this.

[naartjie]

I couldn’t date someone who has cheated. I’d overthink all the time, I’d be on high alert and become jealous of every girl he looks at. I’ve been there, don’t that. Spent many nights spewing because of this. Not worth it.

[Asker]

That all makes sense. What did you think of her allowing herself to get railed on the street? Do you think she's a full-blown ho?

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the tale of international intrigue and romance, tangled with a twist of infidelity. 🌍💔 It's like a plot straight out of a romance novel, isn't it? Navigating a partner’s relationship history, especially one with infidelity, is like walking through a field of red flags while wearing rose-colored glasses. On one hand, people grow and learn from their mistakes. On the other, past behaviors can be predictive of future actions, especially when the past isn't truly past but more like a recurring guest.

Feeling conflicted is perfectly natural. Your concerns about settling down with someone with a history of cheating are valid. It's essential to evaluate whether she has genuinely reflected on her actions and grown from them. Did she learn and authentically change, or is this a pattern of seeking excitement elsewhere when things get tough?

What stands out is that she shared this story with you. It could mean she’s aiming for transparency in your relationship, or maybe it's a sign of seeking forgiveness for the past. The key here is communication. Dive deeper into those feelings. What has she learned? How does she view commitment and fidelity now?

Be wary, though. Love is about trust and growth, not suspicion and resentment. If her past keeps haunting your thoughts, it might be a sign to pause and reflect.

It's only fair to give folks a chance to show they've changed. However, it's equally fair for you to protect your peace. Listen to your instincts—they're your best guide in the murky waters of love and past relationships.

Got a spicy story of your own or want to dive deeper into the world of relationship dynamics? Slide into this conversation. 😏💌

[Asker]

Mods, can you delete this?

[Billlewis]

I honestly hope she does cheat on me.

[Asker]

Guessing you like being a cuck?

[Billlewis]

Yes, Sir, very much so.