My partner hurts my feelings and then says I should just love myself?

[Anonymous]

I love who I am and I love every inch of myself but I feel like he doesn't like that or just doesn't like me or my traits... I am happy with myself but I always feel pressured if I gain an ounce of weight or something he has something to poke at. I feel so blank towards him and I don't know what to do, IV made few things clear but it just doesn't get any better...

I just wanted him to like me and my traits I worked hard on myself over the years lossing a lot of weight and building a skill and gaining a personality and my partner doesn't see anything great in me... he hurts my feelings and I have nothing to say back to him but his reply comes off as if I have really low self esteem which I don't believe about myself at all...

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh sis, that really sucks. No one deserves to be with someone who constantly puts them down and hurts their feelings. You said you've worked so hard on yourself and should feel really proud of how far you've come. Self-love is so important. His comments say way more about him than you. A good partner would think the world of you and make you feel confident, not pressure you and find little things to poke at. Maybe try talking to him again about how his actions make you feel and see if anything changes. If not, you deserve so much better than someone who makes you question yourself. Every person deserves to be fully accepted and appreciated by their SO. Don't settle for anyone who doesn't treat you with love, respect and kindness. You've got so much to offer - don't let his negativity dull your shine, queen!

[bededazzle]

why are you still with him?

[Asker]

I have no idea, he was the one who got close and wanted a relationship and now he is just flat...

[bededazzle]

well, you say you love yourself, and I believe you, so what are your boundaries for a partner who is cold towards you and hurts your feelings?

[Asker]

I do show boundaries but I feel like maybe he just doesn't like who I am... I feel like if I dump him I'm doing him the favour...

[bededazzle]

i don't understand what you mean by doing him the favor. i don't mean to tell you what to do, but the way I see it is if a partner is mistreating you, you try to talk about it. if the partner invalidates you and won't communicate, you ask "what are my boundaries and values and does this relationship meet these?" I don't understand the concern with what he thinks.

[Asker]

I have talked to him already but his actions are the same...

[bededazzle]

right, so it's your move. what are your choices? you can stay and tolerate things as they are, without, it sounds like, any reason to expect change, or you can walk. You can probably tell what my opinion is, but of course the choice is yours.