I want my boyfriend to be happy with me but I think it’s too late?

[Anonymous]

hey guys,
i was my boyfriend to be happy with me, be in love, want to enjoy being around me and enjoy hanging out with me. i say i think it’s too late because i’ve argued with him a lot over things i can’t control. for example: when his friend calls him to work with him or help with with mechanics. i also argue when i feel like he chooses his friends over me he says he doesn’t but I don't know. here’s an example: he gets out of work and goes straight to his friends house and when i go home take a shower and ready to see him, he tells me to give him 30 more mins. by this time it’s about 7pm or 8pm, i am exhausted by this point so i’m falling asleep in bed. when he is ready to hangout it is about 9pm and by that point i dont feel like leaving my house. this is a main reason i argue because i feel like he chooses them over me. am i wrong here? anyway, i want him to choose me and i feel like arguing all the time is not helping, but since i do it so often im sure he doesn’t even believe me. I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s too late, but I do think you need to approach things differently. Arguing is not the same as communicating, which is why men don’t respond well to it. Arguing is like going into battle- men fight battles every day whether it’s going to work or paying the bills. A man’s home is his castle, that means that the home is a man’s safe haven. The last thing a man wants when he comes back to his safe haven is to fight yet another battle.

The next time he goes to his friend’s house, let him go. You can’t control the man, so don’t even try to. Instead, be soft with him. In the future, text him and ask if he and his would like you to bring them a snack. Ask him about the work they did. Express gratitude for having a boyfriend who is handy and helps others.

People say the man is the head and the woman is the neck. But I think women ought to be the crown of men. The glory of men, not the manipulators of men.

[Asker]

i do think it’s too late. we finally spoke on the phone and he said that he has come to the realization that i’m never going to change, that he hates that we ended up like this and that he won’t care if we never see each other again. that he ignores me because im annoying and he knows nothing pleasant will come out from me.

[glennos89]

To be honest... Every guy wants a girlfriend that is making him feel peaceful and happy. A wife that causes a lot of drama and arguments is a recipe for disaster sooner or later. Ofcourse he should devide his time being with you and being with his friends but if you argue over every stupid little thing you are 💯 pushing him away from you because no guy wants a girlfriend that is giving him troubles and headaches. Give him space whenever he needs or wants it and enjoy the time you guys spend together because arguing isn't going to help you or your relationship in any kind of way thats for sure 🤷‍♂️

[Asker]

i think it’s too late to save what we once had. last night we spoke and he told me that he doesn’t care if we ever speak or see each other again and he ignores me because i’m annoying and he much rather spend his time with his friends.

[glennos89]

It's never to late to make a change but you really got to get your act together now. Give him all the time he needs with his friends right now, don't complain about it, try to make some gentle sweet gestures towards him without giving him the feeling that you demand his time and try to make every moment you have with him a nice and peacefull time together. If he really cares for you he should eventually turn around again after his gets bored with his friends. If you showed him nothing but good times and no drama he will turn his attention back towards you again eventually. And if he doesn't... he just doesn't care enough about you or the relationship with you. But at least you know then that you tried everything you could to save the relationship but he just wasn't worth it in the end then. Then you simply move on to someone who does really care about you 🤷‍♂️

[Anonymous]

So I could have misread this all wrong, but from reading it, it just makes me think I you’re a handful. Like you have masculine traits, you start arguments over little things. I get it sure you’re upset at times about him not spending much time w you. But your idea of a lot of time w him may not be his definition of a lot of time. But I feel like there’s more to this, like it’s just not him.

[Billlewis]

You can try being more upbeat, and cheerful. I know that's not much, but it's worth a try.

[Asker]

why is it not much?

[Billlewis]

I mean in terms of what I could come up with for advice.

[Asker]

oh okay, i understand thank you. from what you read, do you think he is choosing his friends over me? i also forgot to mention that on fridays he always hangs out with his friends and last week Saturday he chose to go to a birthday party and not hang out with me. he did tell me to go but i didn't want to.

[Billlewis]

Guys can get cold feet relatively quickly, especially younger ones.

[Asker]

we are both 31 😓

[Billlewis]

Believe it or not, that's still relatively young, but age receives way too much attention anyway.

[Asker]

when you said cold feet, what do you mean?

[Billlewis]

Reservations, second thoughts, buyer's remorse, etc.

[Asker]

why would a guy have second thoughts about hanging out with their girlfriend?