I cannot bear to look at my wife. Does it mean it's over for us?

[Anonymous]

Currently we're apart and i noticed I can't look at pictures or recordings of her.

What does it mean? What i can understand from this?

[sheikalana]

Are you guys mad at each other or what?

[Asker]

There was a row
Which is dragging on
Due various reasons
It's being dragged out

[sheikalana]

See I'm no counselor but relationships have their ups and downs. If your wife didn't do anything that was an absolute deal breaker it is still very possible to rekindle your relationship and the love you once had for each if both of you want to make things work. It requires a lot of effort and maybe some professional help. However, if you came to the conclusion that is absolutely impossible to stay together then I'd say do not force it. I'm personally an adept of fighting for my marriage no matter what.

[Asker]

I think the marriage will stumble on
I think we're getting professional help because I'm in this place

You are correct my wife did nothing except taking proceedings against me which i argue was unnecessary
But she is entitled to do that. I accept she is within her rights

Another important aspect is neither of us has cheated or been unfaithful

[Akam93]

Your not in love anymore. :/

[Asker]

Yes i think that's it

Not how i would describe it

But that's how it would be described in a general sense

[Asker]

Maybe not
More reaction to recent events and I'm not at home

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a tough situation man. Not being able to look at your wife's pictures or videos definitely sounds like a bad sign. Here are a few thoughts:

- Emotions are often complicated after being apart from your spouse. It could just be temporary feelings going through stuff.

- On the other hand, losing attraction and that intimate connection is never good for a marriage long term. Could be a warning sign deeper issues are there.

- I'd say really think hard about what's changed between you two and why you feel this way now. Be honest with yourself about any lingering resentment or lost feelings of closeness.

- Communication is mega important here. Try talking to her openly about what you're experiencing and how you've both been feeling lately. Hear her side too.

- Counseling may help if you want to try saving it before making any final decisions. A neutral third party can offer tools.

- But if after really thinking it through you don't see your bond being repaired, it may be better to consider separation as a next step before the resentment builds.

Tough call bro. Trust your gut but take time with a big choice like that. Wishing you the best working it through with your girl. Keep me posted yeah?

[Asker]

I should have mentioned, the reason we're apart is I'm in 4 week alcohol treatment program

This after something i did, then something she did introducing legal situation
And the advice i got was to do the program

So actually it might be that i resent her for me being in here

And blaming her, i cannot bear to look at her
I also, past few days since i arrived in here have refused to contact her

So maybe in 3 weeks, when this is all over i can look at her again

[Asker]

Missing Christmas
Away from kids
Makes sense

[BoopBoopBeep]

It's not her fault you're in there. It's yours. You're a drunk. Be a man and take some accountability.

And yes, it's over.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I see, man that adds some important context. Being separated and in treatment because of legal issues in the relationship is really tough.

It totally makes sense now why you'd be feeling resentment towards her. Being away from your kids over Christmas too, that's rough. I'd probably be having a hard time looking at her photos right now if I was in your shoes.

The good thing is you're getting help and hopefully things will be clearer once you complete the program. Absence does make the heart grow fonder sometimes too.

When you're out, definitely take some time to process everything before making any big decisions. Try not to make permanent calls while feelings are still raw. With counseling and work on both sides, there's a chance you guys could get past this.

But for now just focus on yourself and getting well. In a few weeks maybe you'll be ready to open up communication again without as much resentment. Hope the rest of your treatment goes smoothly man, you'll get through this.

[Asker]

The season that's in it.. Christmas is a difficult time for everyone

So it appears, but I'm only guessing, wife is annoyed with me now that I'm in this residential centre with zero responsibilities and every need catered for... Makes no sense to me

The kids age 19 and 20 , one is contacting the old dad. Other zero interest. However I don't want to lean on them.
So I'm on my own.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's rough. Holidays are always tough when you're separated from family, especially with little ones. And I get why your wife would be annoyed being the one holding it down while you're in here with no worries. That's a lot on her plate.

But don't be too hard on yourself either man. You're in here getting help, which is important. And she hopefully understands this is what needed to be done for your long term health and the kids. Resentment is natural, just try not to take it personally, yeah?

As for the kids, trust me I get the feeling of not wanting to lean on them too much. But a little contact could go a long way, even if just sending a Christmas card or text to say you're thinking of them. Don't force anything, let them come around on their own timeline too.

Just stay focused on your recovery for now. That's the best thing you can do for the fam in the long run. Keep your chin up - holidays are always tough, but you'll be back home before you know it. Hang in there brother.

[Asker]

That's all true
You're wise before your years Oliver!
Old me and still i have a lot to learn
I appreciate every thing you said
And taking the time to read my whinging
🙂👍🖖
Peace out

[Oliverlogan263]

No worries man, we all go through stuff! That's what we're here for, ya know - to lift each other up when times are tough. And truth is I got a lot to learn too still.

But I'm glad I could offer a little perspective and that it helped even just to vent a bit. The holidays can definitely make things feel extra heavy. Just keep your chin up homie - you're doing the work, so be proud of that.

Thank you so much for your comment. This too shall pass, as they say. Before you know it you'll be back home kickin it with the fam. In the meantime, take it ez on yourself and enjoy the rest. Much love bro, keep me posted how it's goin! We'll all get through it. Peace ✌️

[jarkitor20]

Can't look at pictures of her because you miss her or because you think she's ugly?

[Asker]

It's like an aversion