The last two times I've fallen in love, I've gotten too attached, became very obsessed with the men (stalking them online and a couple times either at school or the gym) and spent too much time in a fantasy. I let feelings take over too much and then at the end, it's like I didn't know the person well. Even as a toddler and kid, if I liked something too much I would become obsessed with it and wouldn't drop the subject. That's what I hate about me. If I get obsessed with something, it clouds my judgment.
First time I fell in love: lasting from age 14-18
Second time it happened: lasting from ages 19-26
I'm currently dating someone for 5 months now. Even though I don't have the ''butterflies in my stomach'' sensation with him nor feel the cloud 9 effect, I'm comfortable with his personality and feel this is the most healthy relationship I've ever had.
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Sounds like you're at a good place. You're at peace. That is a very positive thing.
Yes and he doesn't say ''I love you, you're the love of my life'' BS, which is good. Too many say that and then it's all for nothing when it ends in break-ups, time wasted. He's much older (44 years old), tends to be the type to do more actions and less words, never fails his promises and we've spoken about important topics (including the conversation about kids) and timeframes.
Okay.
But u love him right?
Yes. I'm just not ''in love'' with him.
Describe to me the difference tho
I love the comfort and safety of the relationship, his personality (hardworker, family oriented, introvert, animal lover), I love how we both have the same goals and he never falls on doing things on the date he promises, always punctual and we're already talking about plans towards the beginning of the year and the calculated expensive for kids. He might not be the most attractive man ever but he's sweet and has his life together.
The being in love thing is too much focus on the physical attraction, how you wish you were with them every single day that if they don't reply or text you back in an hour you freak out and get anxious, how you only see them as perfect and you keep fantasizing about them too much but don't focus on important topics other than you being so much in love.
But what u describe as being in love justvsounds like being obsessed
Indeed and that's really not good for anyone. That's like a drug that clouds your judgment and you end up feeling out of control. In comparison, loving someone (without being in love) is you controlling your feelings and you deciding how the relationship proceeds base on compatibility and more important goals.