I cried so much over him. I love him so much. I fell in love at first sight years ago. I tried at times to explain my feelings away and I realized that is because I have no control over it. When you fall in love with someone, for example in the case of love at first sight that just gets deeper over time, you are out of control. I can't decide to stop loving that man. Believe me i have tried. My efforts at moving on are futile. I was even away for a while and even wasn't sure i would ever see him again and i ran into a stranger man out the blue who reminded me so much of him and I had to try hard to hold back from crying. He hadn't been on my mind. So i can't say that i was just missing him.
Falling in love is so out of our control. We hate it so much. I cried so much over him and it makes little sense. Its hard to admit another human has that much control over us. But they do. I used to tell myself all this crying over longing to be with him was stupid. But clearly its not. Its just love. Its hard to accept that im in love. I dont have a logical explanation for it at all. It makes my brain go bonkers.
