Do I have the right to be mad if my boyfriend has re-followed a girl on Instagram who keeps trying to break us up?

[Anonymous]

For context:

This girl has messaged him multiple times knowing that he's in a relationship with flirty messages, and we've even accidentally run into her in public and she will try and make moves on him while ignoring me.

My boyfriend and I fought about how this was disrespectful to me, as in the past he would be friendly back to her and would respond to her messages which encouraged her. Once I brought up how unacceptable the situation was in a fight, he unfollowed her.

A year later, I've recently realized that he's re-followed her, which I find disrespectful as I don't know why he would need to do that as they have no mutual friends or anything. She has followed him this whole time.

Am I overthinking or do you think this is suspicious?

Thanks in advance

[Screenwriter]

Nothing suspicious about this. Sounds like your boyfriend likes being admired, or chased or whatever it is he gets from this woman.

I don't think being mad at him is worth your time. What I think is that he's intent on doing what he feels like, regardless of how you feel about this woman making moves on him. He's flattered!

Since this isn't an online only thing that's occurring, this as a red flag. This woman exists in your lives, and is causing arguments between you.

However, your boyfriend doesn't see this as important and continues to have a connection to her. There is no telling how far this has gone, or if there's anything else happening.

I'd seriously consider breaking up with this man. He seems clueless that what he's doing is inappropriate with a wildly inappropriate woman, or that it's hurtful to you and your relationship. If that IS the case, he's not that interested in you OR the relationship.

You need to find out what IS happening and if he won't respect you or the relationship, it's time to go elsewhere.

[SeymourBill420]

Yes, I would definitely be fairly concerned about that. Especially if it is on Instagram. As I call Instagram Instantham.

Because, in my view pretty much all Instagram is is just sluts with boobs hanging out of their shirt wearing tasteless articles of clothing trying to attract senseless guys that are attracted in their boobs only sticking their tongues out in their pictures and it's all cheesy sexual related. And I'm not into that shit. But, that's my view of Instagram. Apparently you can have a private section where it's your naked pictures and videos and stuff like that and I think it's just an app for majority sexual based, and then you can have also innocent based also.
I don't mess around on Instagram at all. But I get requests to join people's pages and that's what it's always about.
Because, why would you upload pictures to a social app but put it under private? If it's not naked or sexual? I mean if you're on Facebook you will put your Thanksgiving dinner pictures on facebook. Why wouldn't you do the same on Instagram but put a lock under it? So, Instagram is just nothing but raunchy slutty crap. And I would be concerned about this situation.

[razelove]

You have the right to be mad about anything, just as he has the right to seek out an imaginary woman online that will lose interest in him the moment he isn't taken.

If they were going to hook up it wouldn't take a year to do it. I had an ex I wanted to get with, she wanted to get with me, we texted for a while and she flew down here for a week.

The only people that can truly break you two up are you two. She isn't going out of her way for him at least. What would it change if he was following some girl on OF, an ex on FB, or nailing a girl he met at church?

They're all decisions that have to be made, as your decision to distance yourself and be angry is your choice too. There's no ideal answer, and we're only going to get your side of the story, not that it really matters. You're both being selfish, go fishing together without your phones for a few hours or something. You'll make up or break up.

[IslaTheWitch]

You have the right to feel what you want to feel.

But...

Are you really so insecure in this relationship? If yes, talk to him. Not about her because she is not a part of your relationship. About you and your boyfriend, your expectations and how you can make them happen.

He can like, follow or meet whoever he wants as long as he doesn't cross the boundaries in your relationship. Don't treat him as your property; treat him as your partner. Talk to him about your feelings in specific situations and how he can help you. Listen to his opinions and make together this relationship thrive

[OlderAndWiser]

You can't make him change his behavior but you can decide to end the relationship. He won't change, so you need to ask yourself if you want to be treated like this for the rest of your life.

[Paris13]

I, For One, Hun, See a Red Flag. It IS Being Disrespectful to You and your own Relationship. Wondering If He and Her are Secretly Texting? xxoo

[Avicenna]

That's insane on his part

[sage2021]

He can't be trusted. He said he's unfollowed her, then goes behind your back and their in it together again.

Hon, he will always be this way. And I don't believe for a second he isn't doing it with other girls. This will always be a problem and constantly checking on him to see what he's doing will drive you crazy.

He's a cheater, period! He doesn't have a filter that keeps him from doing that. He just goes for it.

Sorry to say, that you have a cheater on your hands and he needs to go down.

Guys like him are a dime a dozen!

[Nikki_0508]

Yes, you have a right to be mad. Personally, if my boyfriend did this, I would be both mad and hurt. I think that you must also think about both sides. Is he a people pleaser? Is he a push over? Try to understand why he is doing this and calmly ask him why it is that he is doing this. I myself have done similar things as this. Someone continued to use pet names after I asked him to stop many times. My boyfriend got upset and addressed me about it and I still spoke with the guy occasionally. Me and my boyfriend got into a disagreement about how strong of a people pleaser i am and I have worked on this since then. Otherwise, if your boyfriend cannot give you a proper reason as to why he has followed this girl again, you should explain to him how it looks to you. You deserve someone who is going to respect how you feel and go about meeting you in the middle to address these things and grow from them.

[lightbulb27]

you have the right and you are right.

the problem is I suspect... and this isn't a diagnosis per se... but your boyfriend is dunce.

He doesn't understand women, he may be drawn in by the neediness of this woman and may lack boundaries. Thus, he will require your help in doing so and learning.

Hopefully you can work with him to understand, and it may require 3rd party, education, talking to other men whom are wiser, or therapy to dig deeper to figure out what is really pulling on him and where he has failed to develop.

So hopefully you can work it out. Else, you may be in trouble here with an immature guy and destined to suffer... for the other woman would destroy your life... and probably, gladly so.

Unfortunately, some people don't know what they don't know. So it's easiest if he trusts and obeys you. In some cases, it's better they learn and understand, but that may be difficult and time consuming.

your call on best path.

[hahahmm]

You have two choices... 1.) you can have the self respect to dump him for showing he isn't interested in building a strong relationship. 2.) you can be a sucker and let him use you while he keeps looking for a better girlfriend.

The ultimate way to know a guy is into you & wants to be loyal is that he gives you a ring. It's true that most guys would say most women don't deserve a ring today. Also not everybody is compatible or a good choice for you. If I'm in your shoes I would think about how I'm not getting any younger and it will only get harder to find the right guy as time goes on. I would make sure I'm the best woman I can be & find a guy who is interested in long term stability... and not a long series of failed relationships.

[Account]

That is very suspicious.
Personally I wouldn't even blame the other girl. She is outside the relationship.
Your relationship is with him, therefore he is to be blamed for not setting boundaries. He doesn't respect you.
I would have broken up, but that is just me.
I am aware that people cannot be changed if they don't want to and if something makes me unhappy or makes me question things,
I would much rather escape the whole situation all together rather than being miserable in the long run.

[HawkPerception]

My ex did the same thing to me, except her friend was a guy that chilled with her when I wasn't around. It's absolutely disrespectful and your partner should cut off with that friend or they should have them apologize to you and try to patch the relationship up. If he's just ignoring you, that's a red flag right there.

I understand your partner should never control who you're friends with, but you also should not tolerate one of your friends disrespecting your partner and trying to break you up. There needs to be more communication to address this.

If I was in your position, I'd give an ultimatum, but I don't suggest you follow what I'd do.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I would say yes, yes you do have the right to be mad. He's interacting with a woman who he knows is actively trying to break up your relationship. And him responding to her flirting isn't going to help the situation either. Whether he'll cheat or not is a different story, but I'd keep an eye out. If he cheats and he doesn't care that you're leaving him, then you know he was the wrong man for you.

[Daniela1982]

Maybe you should break up with him as he seems to favor other girls over you. One of these days he will find the right receptive girl and leave you in the dust. Guys who do what you say they do can't be trusted.

[chanty305]

I broke up with my ex because of this. He kept entertaining his ex even though she lives in another state either through text messaging, social media, and sometimes even phone calls all behind my back. Told him to stop and will keep it from me, so I broke up with his Wiesel ass and filed child support. What your husband is doing is selfish, and you won't be happy or have a good future with him as long as he continues this charade.

Also, you will not ever trust him again from now, and will continue to check his phone to see who he is talking to or entertaining. That is no way to live because I was there for it for like 2 years.

[rosemilk]

girl... what are you even doing? he obviously doesn't respect you or your feelings. and he went behind your back to continue to be in contact with this girl that is obviously creating a rift between you two. like, i know guys are dumb. but not THIS dumb. he knows what he's doing.

[smne35]

No because if he's serious about you being with you he can put an end to it and she's in the wrong to knowingly pursue him and knows he's involved, it's either his ego swelling his head or he's seeing her so your justified in t your thinking and how you responded, if he wanted this to end he can do so in a second

[Charlie2024]

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[Andres77]

Tell him that you don’t like this and if he wants to continue to talk to other girls, then you need the part ways.

It’s not easy but it sounds like it’s what you need. Commit. Tell him to own his actions and make a choice.

Don’t back down, follow through

[jshm2]

No. He's only your boyfriend, not your husband. He has the "right" to do whatever he likes with his time, as do you.

If he's banging her, then it's a different story. Get yourself checked out for STD's in case.

You are just insecure, is all.

[devilish-cutie]

it is disrespectful to you and not ok from him

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely suspicious and I hate to tell you but the fact that you voicing your concern ended up in a fight really tells you all you need to know……
Also, the fact that he re followed her tells me that he is entertaining her and/or he enjoys being entertained by her. Bottom line is, your guy has wonder eyes and is clearly drifting his attention on her. He is clearly somewhat interested in this girl.

[Anonymous]

Feelings are valid, and it's important to communicate with your boyfriend about how his actions make you feel. Set boundaries. Discussing boundaries in your relationship involves defining acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. Addressing social media boundaries, like who to follow and how to handle external influences, through open communication can help find compromises that strengthen your relationship.