How to make boyfriend understand miscarriage?

[Courtney7u]

I had a miscarriage and am pretty upset about it. My boyfriend has not talked to me about it once or asked how I am going at all. He has just continued behaving as if it never happened. I am really struggling with how I feel. I thought maybe telling his mom would be a good idea so she can make him understand what I'm going through and that I need his support. I asked him if I could speak to her about it and he said why to get sympathy from her? I just don't know what to do.

[MrOracle]

Don't assume that he doesn't care. He probably just has NO IDEA what to DO.

Crazy as this is, guys generally don't spend a lot of time managing their feelings - when they feel bad, they DO SOMETHING, and normally, when someone they care about is feeding bad, they can DO something. But when something like this happens, they don't really know what to do, and helping with feelings isn't something that's obvious to a lot of men. That's a language that most guys barely understand, so they normally do their best to avoid it altogether.

My advice is to first figure out exactly what you want from him. Do you want to talk, and have him listen? Do you want to be held? Reassured? Figure that out, and then sit down with him and talk to him and help him understand, and then ask him to do whatever it is you need from him. Knowing what you want him to do will make it much easier for him. He CANNOT read your mind, and as I said, "feelings" is a language he barely understands, so don't just expect him to know what to do. Tell him what to do, and be realistic with your expectations. You know him better than any of us.

[TenderFantasy]

How far along were you when you found out? And did you have a doctor confirm it? I think I had a very very early "miscarriage" when I was 32 and I broke up with an ex of mine. I didn't need to tell him about it because it was very very early on like how most women would probably just brush it off as a (heavier than normal) period.

Maybe he's the type of not think it's that big of a deal? Maybe he's a MACHO guy who doesn't really like to talk "feelings" or express himself. Maybe he's also grieving inside but just doesn't want to really deal?

Why would you want to talk to his mom about it? What about YOUR mom? Maybe his mom would feel uncomfortable with it unless you guys are known to be close.

Your best bet is to just straight up grab each side of his arms and tell him that you feel like maybe you need to grieve this and talk with a counselor/couple's therapist about this and you'd appreciate him coming along with you.. either that or you can have your girlfriends make you feel better? How about just go out on a date together and grieve together, I think that would be a sweet idea. I am sure he loves you/cares about you, especially since he hasn't broken up with you and he's been in you unprotected!

[Jkgordon]

Tine will heal meanwhile you should move on. He’s just a boyfriend and an uncaring one at that. Why involve the mother?


This is a red flag to leave the relationship. You females need to stop putting so much energy in meaningless relationships!


What is your signs? And race?

[Jkgordon]

Time*

[AviatorTom]

Guys tend to put unhappy things behind them and move on. It's how most guys deal with tragedy.

Girls, on the other hand, deal with the emotion of tragedy, and usually want to talk about it in order to get over it.

You can try talking to your boyfriend about it, but don't be surprised if he doesn't want to talk about it. That's not a sign that he doesn't care, it's just his way of dealing with it.

[OlderAndWiser]

If he cared about your feelings. . . but it appears he does not. It seems that you have hitched your wagon to the wrong star.

[HelpfulWoman]

i'm sorry this has happened to you.
but frankly, he's showing how he'd treat you and a child you had together, so this seems a blessing in disguise. dump and find a dude who cares about what happens to you, never fucking mind something traumatic as this. It also may be helpful for you to seek therapy to get the help you need.

[mobiusforniner]

Men don’t process miscarriage well. My wife and I had a miscarriage. It’s not that we cannot sympathize, we just dont know how to 1) make it better or 2) process the emotion ourselves. I had a hard time with our miscarriage. In such times of distress I wanted to be alone and not thinking about it which is exactly opposite of what my wife needed.

So please understand that it may not be just lacking sympathy, especially if he wanted to have a baby too.

[Jersey2]

My girlfriend and now wife had a miscarriage. I don’t know if I was the greatest boyfriend during that time so I’m not sure what to tell you. I went to the hospital when they took her in but I can’t say I understood all that she was going through, especially emotionally. We had three kids and each one was a rainbow baby.

[BarryLiverstone]

Sorry you are suffering and I imagine you think about this everyday? My ex girlfriend told me one time about having a miscarriage and shared how painful the experience was. As a guy I thought that it was just a tragic event one day and she has moved past it. I had no idea it’s something she continued to feel guilty about even after it happened. Have you shared with him how often this affects you and communicated how you need support?

[spartan55]

Your boyfriend clearly doesn't know how to handle it, and he is using avoidance as his tactic. If you feel like you have a good enough relationship with his mom I would talk to her about it anyway. Don't ask your boyfriend, just do it.

[sawno]

This is probably happening both ways, his way of coping is likely to ignore it happened but don't be mistaken this is heavy on him to. Communicate openly and seek comfort in each other, but do so in a way that also gives him space to process.

[sheikalana]

He probably doesn’t know what to do either. This is probably affecting him too since it was also his child but men don’t always know how to express their pain.

[JacobJordan]

You can't make someone understand anything. All you can do is explain what happened and you need emotional support and hope he comes through. If he doesn't well you know what to do

[admles]

This is quite possibly a coping mechanism for him - he's trying to pretend it never happened and not deal with his grief.

It might seem easier at first, but in the long run, it'll make it worse for him.

[HouseMoat]

Did he ever really even want the kid in the first place

As a guy who doesn't want kids, if she "accidentally got pregnant" somehow, knowing i dont want kids, and then had a miscarriage, i could care less. I DONT WANT KIDS

[FunkyMonkee]

Kinda sounds to me like you should drop his ass while you've got the chance!

[MissBoogus]

You need to talk to your guy. Sometimes they’re clueless. If you want more affection from him , tell him !

[butterly248]

I'm so sorry. It isn't your fault, and your boyfriend is being an ass! Can you maybe talk to his mum about it or anyone else you can trust?

[TenderFantasy]

Um, why would a GROWN adult need to talk to the mother about it? ! It's NONE of her business! That's like telling on the son! He's not a child anymore! Lol.

[jahaims]

He understands. He is just a bad person who doesn't care.

[JonesT10Apr]

tell about it your sisters or his sister...

telling his mom okay... it's better option...

[Anonymous]

If you are "pro choice" I have no sympathy for you. If you are pro life, I am deeply sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's thrilled to not deal with the burden of parenthood.

[LazerBean]

Get a boyfriend who is not garbage

[boggboss]

Is he normally sympathetic towards u about stuff

[exitseven]

He just thinks that he dodged a bullet.

[HighSky]

Have a funeral for your dead baby.