Boyfriend doesn't understand how an abortion affected me?

[Courtney7u]

My boyfriend and I had an unplanned pregnancy, I kinda wanted to keep the baby but he wasn't sure and convinced me into an abortion as he wasn't ready. I never felt 100% about it and had reservations. It's now been one year since it happened and I still feel sad, depressed and am unsure if if was the right decision. He cannot understand why I feel this way at all. I also don't feel as connected to him and feel like I have lost respect for him. He never seemed to care about the whole thing or understand how major it all was.

I don't know how to make him understand or has the damage been done

[BCRanger10]

The way I read this, it doesn't sound as much like he "wasn't ready" as it does that he just didn't want a baby. If you ask me, if a guy is into his late 20s or early 30s (assuming your age here is correct and he's at least close to it), I have to wonder what decisions he's been making, what things he's been reflecting on, and in general what he's been doing with his life up to then.

With that being said, I don't see him being willing or able to understand how this has affected you. By all means, carefully reflect on why it means what it does to you and bring it to him, but it also sounds like you have. If he chooses not to understand, then I think it's time for you to end this relationship and seek the healing that you seem to be longing for now.

If I may, I will recommend looking into a ministry called Rachel's Vineyard. They specialize in counseling for women who are suffering after having had an abortion. Here is a link to their website...https://www.rachelsvineyard.org/

Lastly, be assured of my prayers for you. I don't know what your beliefs are or if you have any. Simply know that I am considering you in this way 🙏🙏🙏

[Sexiestjohnson]

This feeling is common and there is nothing strange about how you are feeling. Also, many guys respond exactly how your boyfriend is and a lot of times when you try to make him understand how you feel, the relationship almost always ends or get strained.

My advice is, you should give yourself time to heal. And you may have to do it without your boyfriend. That line you crossed, the weight is always heavier on ladies than guys. Forgive yourself. Babies don't die. They can't be killed. That baby is still alive and depending on God's plan, that baby will still fulfill destiny. Just don't open yourself up to walking this road again.

[provokeesmokee]

He didn't want a kid.

You weren't sure.

You chose to abort despite your own uncertainties, because HE convinced you.

It wasn't his choice and he made it for you, and the reason it isn't his choice is exactly why you're suffering: because the sperm donor doesn't have the physical or horomonal fallout from an abortion. Only you get that.

Break up. At the least, give yourself space to heal away from the person who told you what to do with your body. Give yourself space to grieve, without needing to explain to a manchild how this sort of thing impacted you.

But also, seriously - use birth control next time.

[devilish-cutie]

well you cannot change anything now so there is no use in beating ysf up about it, that was the best decision you knew at the time. Since he was sure and your werent i guess it annoys u that he is not agreeing with you thus you dont feel connecte to him. All you can do is try to explain to him why you are uncertain about that decision and may regret it now.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. When you learned you were pregnant, you should have confronted all of this, dumped him, and not had an abortion. Too late now. Damage done.

2. You can't make your boyfriend think or feel anything. If he is not on the same wavelength as you, then you need to ask yourself why you have remained together.

[strateguy632]

about depressed to be "fair" even after live birth some lady feel "postpartum depression" so the depression might not be due to the abortion. as a blue it hard for me to comprehend how a pink felt about something growing ATTACHED [doube meaning inside and emotion] and the emotions involved in those events. he probly can't comprehend but i would try to start a serious conversation about it "we need to talk." try to describe how you felt and your experience, hopefully he will listen but if remains "detached" or apathy then end it.

[LazerBean]

It's because he doesn't care about you, he is just using you and wanted to get rid of any responsibility that child would have given him as fast as he could.

[Anonymous]

in my opinion he's a piece of shit. I'm not anti abortion but I'm very against a man having any say what a woman does with her body. I say dump him. He made you kill your baby cuz he wasn't that committed to you.

[grega239]

Nit sure why you're pissed.
She agreed.

[hahahmm]

Killing a baby is a selfish act... yet you think it's surprising that someone who encouraged you to be selfish is himself selfish? Think about it.

[DarkWinterNights]

I’m sorry that you went through that. It clearly hurt you on a very deep level. I don’t know if there is a way to get him to understand, but I would suggest you seek out a good therapist to talk to. It can help.

[slatyb]

Can you get counseling for yourself? You can't make him feel what you feel. How did this happen? Was it a contraction failure or a faulure to use contraception?

[Anonymous]

You are mourning the loss of your child. I know some women that years later still mourn. In health class we are taught that an abortion is just a medical procedure similar to visiting the dentist but that's a huge lie

[Confusedashell123]

Once something like this happens it’s hard to go back to the before. Maybe you should leave him and move on

[grega239]

Men dont have that direct connection that women have so its harder to understand.

Maybe he feels the same but doesn't want to show it and wants to. move on

But whats done is done

[BoopBoopBeep]

You don't.

You've lost respect for him. TIme to move on.

[Agape93]

Guys can't understand or empathize because they will never experience it. Never.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, most men will never understand how traumatic it can be.

[Pterodon]

He will never understand or care

[imfreeze95]

Dump him and go to therapy