Should I tell my new boyfriend I was pregnant and miscarried before I dated him?

[Anonymous]

A little over two months before I started dating my new boyfriend I was pregnant and miscarried by my ex from 5yrs ago. I am still friends with my ex we always have been and still talk occasionally. My boyfriend now have a mutual guy friend that knows that I was pregnant. I don't know if he will ever tell him? Is this something important to tell him? I know if anyone should it should be me.. to me its personal. I don't have any feelings whatsoever for my ex we have been friends for 10 years and have remained friends. My ex is still in love with me.. so I know I probably shouldn't be friends with him we just get along and I am not the type of person that thinks you can't be friends with an ex? I don't even think my new boyfriend know that I had a fling with him over the summer before I dated him? just confused if its important to say something or not?

[vmw2008]

It's up to you whether you tell him about it as it is personal and you just started dating. However, you really should reconsider this situation with your ex if you want things to go smoothly with this new guy. You can claim you're "just friends" all you want, and how you broke up 5 years ago, but bottom line you were pregnant with his child recently. Which means you slept with him, which means you're not "just friends" and that you are still involved in a more intimate manner. No guy will believe the friends line if you were still having sex. If he finds out from someone else, he may not be mad about the pregnancy, but he will be mad if you're still having frequent contact with your ex.

[Cynthia325]

I don't think you should tell him about it, it didn't have anything to do with him. If he asked you then yes tell him the truth, personally I think being friends with an ex who is still in love with you is worse then anything you mentioned. And you having a fling with him is something else that happned before you dated, so unless asked then I wouldn't say anything, then he will be suspicious of you and your ex being friends and that will cause a lot of conflict.

[Asker]

Thanks- I agree it is not ideal for us to be friends. I'm friends with mostly guys- my ex lives with my brother.. we don't hang out one on one but we do see each other or chat once in awhile. He has a gf.. but your right probably shouldn't be.. I probably wouldn't like it either... To me unless you had a horrible relationship with an ex I don't see why you can't continue a friendship with someone youve known for so long.. I just wonder if he'll find out from a friend and then be suspicious..

[dudeman]

it has to do with their relationship because it has to do with her, and she is in the relationship

[Cynthia325]

what does having a mis carriage with someone one else have to do with your current relationship? or hooking up once with your ex before you even dated the new guy...why cause drama for nothing.

[DebiPie]

Not yet, he is, after all, your "new" boyfriend and that's it. If he becomes more important to you later on, than tell him then. But you do not need to tell your personal business to everyone that you start dating.

[sixstring]

I would say it's pretty important to say. I don't want to assume anything, but chances are this still weighs heavy on you. Guys sometimes have this bad habit of saying stupid stuff, he might say something to upset you about the situation. He doesn't want to upset you, you don't want to get upset.

Knowing this he'll be much more careful.

That said, I don't think it's something you should say right away. You can wait a while until you're more comfortable, but I think it's very important to say before you try for another kid.

[Asker]

Thanks- I have zero feelings for my ex in honesty we are just friends. I moved back home last year and it was just a summer fling..not planned.. I was not ready. I am on because now.. as its necessary but it did annoy me when we were discussin about it.. no idea why.. I hate how it effects me I get moody, gain weight, break out.. tried all kinds.. I know its important (obviously)..like its ALL my responsibility. I'm pretty honest person.. I just don't want him to find out from someone else if he does?

[sixstring]

Right. If he finds out from someone else, he might feel that you don't trust him enough and get upset over it.

Or he'll have no idea how to handle knowing it.

[dudeman]

yes I think this is something he should know and he should also know you sleep with and ex that's still a friend for sure

[Asker]

I don't sleep with him anymore- and haven't since August.. it was a couple times over the summer that was just sex.. We only talk once in awhile as my brother and him live together. I truly do NOT have feelings for him- If I did I would be with him. I am friends with most guys that I have date before. If he didn't want me to talk to him anymore I wouldn't- I can respect that. He does know we are still friends.

[dudeman]

it doesn't really matter, I still think its important you tell him, August isn't the past 7 years ago is the past August is the present