I had a miscarriage, but am scared to tell my ex-boyfriend. Should I just tell him?

He didn't even know that I was pregnant and I was waiting for a proper time to tell him. I want to tell him I miscarried though in case he wants to help me decide a name for her/him due to me seeing it proper for the child to at least have a name.
My reasonings for wanting to give the child a name is that I feel that it's common curteious for everyone to have an identity. For certain I know the Childs last name will be the father's for respect on his part.
At the same time, I'm scared to tell him. What do you believe and if you were a guy, would you want your girlfriend to tell you if she had a miscarriage with your child even if she didn't tell you she was pregnant? Thank you.

Updates:
@justbeinghonest - I was on birth control and used it in a timely manner. I was probably the most procrastinator when it came to taking that pill. However, like anything else, nothing's 100%. You did take a health class right?
Also, explain how it's playing with his feelings when I wasn't at all?
You're the one that started the drama by using unnecessary words, you act like an 8 year old who still lives with her mom by what I picked up with your personality. That wasn't being truthful, you
Were just being rude. Also it's ironic you live by what you hate.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You didn't tell him you were pregnant, so it's best not to tell him you had a miscarriage. You can decide on a name by yourself, no need to include him in all the pain when he wasn't included in the pregnancy. You'll just make him feel bad and possibly angry that you kept something like him becoming a dad from him. I get that you feel it would be common courtesy for the child, but it would be common courtesy for your ex not to cause him all the emotional turmoil if he finds out.
    I'm sorry about your loss, it's must be really horrible. :(((

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Wow
    Now that is a big mistake
    Tell him now.. i can see that you can't have the baby to be with you..
    But why?
    Is it your parents?

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    • My father is extremely abusive to me and I had fear of the what ifs if he found out I was pregnant at the age of 20. I was waiting for a more reasonable time to tell my boyfriend I was pregnant, he has been under stress and has been off his add medications for a while. I just didn't want him to get upset and had fear of the what ifs.

  • I don't think there is anything to gain from telling him, therefore I think you should rather not.

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  • Don't tell him.

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  • No you shouldn't. Move on.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Depending on his demur or the kind of relationship you have here, dear, Let sleeping dogs lie with this 'Miscarriage' and no need to open up a can of worry wart worms.
    It's not always easy to just blurt out and bellow Out that one is pregnant when you are in a relationship, not even married. I am quite sure you had your reason of the season Then as to Why you couldn't come clean with them, perhaps afraid to be in the dog house, afraid you may be barking up the wrong tree and Now... even having the same feelings, I am feeling here, dear.
    If Silence is better golden, and it could very well tarnish what you have and at the moment there is no reason to throw an egg that wasn't developed into the pix, then keep it to yourself, 'Give the child a name' out of respect and because I see... you have a heart of gold.
    Good luck and blessings. xx

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    • I thank you for your kind words. We had a wonderful relationship and the only reason why we broke up was because he was off of his ADD medications. I was just terrified of being kicked out of my house and have no where to go, my father is extremely abusive.

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    • I guess she didn't know that you both were Not together and may have said this... it's best to leave sleeping dogs sleeping now and move on, God has granted you another chance.. I have dealt with a guy awhile ago with this ADD and it is hard to hold down a relationship, just think if he were a surprised father. xxx

    • This girl probably figured he had a right to know but what is the sense... xx

  • You're a bad person. Not only did you hide that from him, but now you still want to hurt him. What's the point of telling him you're NOT expecting a kid from him anymore?

    You just enjoy having that power huh. Hurting people that once cared about you.

    Yes this is a hurtful opinion, but women like you make me so mad! That's why some guys think all women are evil.

    No baby, no point of telling him.

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    • You're not the one who is 20 years old and abused by her father. If my parents found out I was pregnant, I would be dead
      God forbid I wanted to live and see how things went. Plus that, at least I don't cheat like other girls. Have you ever heard of fear of the what ifs?

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    • As i said in my description, I gave the reason why I want to tell him. I had the miscarriage yesterday and it did matter when I was pregnant if anyone would find out.
      Also, you were just being an off topic asshole, which was also very irrelevant with what I asked. No where would it hurt him to know the truth. Oh no, the truth that I was pregnant with his child and was scared to tell him.
      Also, I didn't state that just because someone has a different opinion is a player. I thought it was pretty hypocritical of yourself to write the original statement when you live the life you get mad at. Hehe.

    • If I got pregnant I would tell the father immediately. Not just play with his feelings. But only dumbasses get pregnant accidentally. Have fun with your little drama. I'm done here.

  • If you really feel the need to tell him then tell him. Let him know that there was a kid. You're over here asking people for advice on what you should or should not do but I'm pretty sure you've already made a decision since you want to give the child a name. Don't be scared just tell him.

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  • wow so your bf has a dead baby he never even know was once alive inside you? how can you hide somthing like that?

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    • Ex-boyfriend. Also once you get older, and if you are abused at home, you'll understand the fear of the what ifs.

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    • Hun, it's still illegal to have sex under the age of 18. Unless you are able to show me proof where it states as such.

    • Plus that, parental consent is with marriage if you would get pregnant with the other persons child.

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