I had a miscarriage, but am scared to tell my ex-boyfriend. Should I just tell him?

[Anonymous]

He didn't even know that I was pregnant and I was waiting for a proper time to tell him. I want to tell him I miscarried though in case he wants to help me decide a name for her/him due to me seeing it proper for the child to at least have a name.
My reasonings for wanting to give the child a name is that I feel that it's common curteious for everyone to have an identity. For certain I know the Childs last name will be the father's for respect on his part.
At the same time, I'm scared to tell him. What do you believe and if you were a guy, would you want your girlfriend to tell you if she had a miscarriage with your child even if she didn't tell you she was pregnant? Thank you.

Updates

+1 y

@justbeinghonest - I was on birth control and used it in a timely manner. I was probably the most procrastinator when it came to taking that pill. However, like anything else, nothing's 100%. You did take a health class right?
Also, explain how it's playing with his feelings when I wasn't at all?
You're the one that started the drama by using unnecessary words, you act like an 8 year old who still lives with her mom by what I picked up with your personality. That wasn't being truthful, you

Updates

+1 y

Were just being rude. Also it's ironic you live by what you hate.

[Paris13]

Depending on his demur or the kind of relationship you have here, dear, Let sleeping dogs lie with this 'Miscarriage' and no need to open up a can of worry wart worms.
It's not always easy to just blurt out and bellow Out that one is pregnant when you are in a relationship, not even married. I am quite sure you had your reason of the season Then as to Why you couldn't come clean with them, perhaps afraid to be in the dog house, afraid you may be barking up the wrong tree and Now... even having the same feelings, I am feeling here, dear.
If Silence is better golden, and it could very well tarnish what you have and at the moment there is no reason to throw an egg that wasn't developed into the pix, then keep it to yourself, 'Give the child a name' out of respect and because I see... you have a heart of gold.
Good luck and blessings. xx

[Asker]

I thank you for your kind words. We had a wonderful relationship and the only reason why we broke up was because he was off of his ADD medications. I was just terrified of being kicked out of my house and have no where to go, my father is extremely abusive.

[Paris13]

Oh, so welcome, sweetie... okay, so Now that I know you both are not this couple, I still will stick to my advice that silence is golden and with this, move on, start fresh. Yes, with a father or even both parents who are like this, it is best to let it rest and wait for someday when your Prince comes along on a Happier note. xxoo

[Asker]

Thank you again

[Asker]

Also, may you read with the other girls response and explain to me how this would be playing with his feelings?

[Paris13]

I guess she didn't know that you both were Not together and may have said this... it's best to leave sleeping dogs sleeping now and move on, God has granted you another chance.. I have dealt with a guy awhile ago with this ADD and it is hard to hold down a relationship, just think if he were a surprised father. xxx

[Paris13]

This girl probably figured he had a right to know but what is the sense... xx

[Girlinopinionandfact]

Wow never seen this kinda stupiditybefore. Yes you should tell him. His fragile emotions are not worth more than your well being. Do not listen to the others saying the exact opposite on here hun. It's incredibly obvious that the relationship was emotionally abusive or you would have felt comfortable telling him. Good luck and heal well.

[LeeLFC]

If you really feel the need to tell him then tell him. Let him know that there was a kid. You're over here asking people for advice on what you should or should not do but I'm pretty sure you've already made a decision since you want to give the child a name. Don't be scared just tell him.

[Anonymous]

You didn't tell him you were pregnant, so it's best not to tell him you had a miscarriage. You can decide on a name by yourself, no need to include him in all the pain when he wasn't included in the pregnancy. You'll just make him feel bad and possibly angry that you kept something like him becoming a dad from him. I get that you feel it would be common courtesy for the child, but it would be common courtesy for your ex not to cause him all the emotional turmoil if he finds out.
I'm sorry about your loss, it's must be really horrible. :(((

[rockaholic]

Wow
Now that is a big mistake
Tell him now.. i can see that you can't have the baby to be with you..
But why?
Is it your parents?

[Asker]

My father is extremely abusive to me and I had fear of the what ifs if he found out I was pregnant at the age of 20. I was waiting for a more reasonable time to tell my boyfriend I was pregnant, he has been under stress and has been off his add medications for a while. I just didn't want him to get upset and had fear of the what ifs.

[justbeinghonest]

You're a bad person. Not only did you hide that from him, but now you still want to hurt him. What's the point of telling him you're NOT expecting a kid from him anymore?

You just enjoy having that power huh. Hurting people that once cared about you.

Yes this is a hurtful opinion, but women like you make me so mad! That's why some guys think all women are evil.

No baby, no point of telling him.

[Asker]

You're not the one who is 20 years old and abused by her father. If my parents found out I was pregnant, I would be dead
God forbid I wanted to live and see how things went. Plus that, at least I don't cheat like other girls. Have you ever heard of fear of the what ifs?

[Asker]

I've never hurt anyone in my life.

[Asker]

Plus that, if you don't know all the situations that is going on in another person's life, I would suggest you keep your mouth shut.
He has been off his add medication for close to four months, we were madly in love with one another and I was loyal to him. So I don't understand how I could hurt him for having fear of the what ifs and not wanting to hurt him, his father is really religious and abusive to him. In my outlook, it's common courtesy for the child.
Individuals like yourself whom assume before knowing the whole story make us other women seem stupid.

[Asker]

By the way, it seems you are a player if you write this type on here. Seems more like you enjoy doing it more than anything. Just saying.

It I s fun for me to put "sex" in people's mind, specially guys. It's so easy too, you can do it and then play innocent because you didn't say anything sexual directly. Just by the tone in the voice, the looks, or the body language you can make people think about sex without having to say anything directly talking about sex. Fun right? Do guys even realize this little game some of us like to play?

[justbeinghonest]

LMFAO bro look if you don't like honesty then don't ask stupid questions. You're right I don't know the details of your life and I don't really care for them either.
Bottom line you are going to tell this guy about a child that DOES NOT EXIST anymore. So what's the point of telling him?
That has nothing to do with YOU or HIM being abused by your parents. It is just you telling him about something that's not even there.
Like if someone told you about what they were thinking of getting you for your bday two years ago. There is no present or no baby so what's the point?

And just because someone tells you what you DONT want to hear it doesn't make them a player. Grow up and learn to take opinions without getting so emotional about it. Specially if you asked for it.

You can keep going through my questions I don't mind since you're now obsessed with me ;)

[Asker]

As i said in my description, I gave the reason why I want to tell him. I had the miscarriage yesterday and it did matter when I was pregnant if anyone would find out.
Also, you were just being an off topic asshole, which was also very irrelevant with what I asked. No where would it hurt him to know the truth. Oh no, the truth that I was pregnant with his child and was scared to tell him.
Also, I didn't state that just because someone has a different opinion is a player. I thought it was pretty hypocritical of yourself to write the original statement when you live the life you get mad at. Hehe.

[justbeinghonest]

If I got pregnant I would tell the father immediately. Not just play with his feelings. But only dumbasses get pregnant accidentally. Have fun with your little drama. I'm done here.

[Mesonfielde]

I don't think there is anything to gain from telling him, therefore I think you should rather not.

[DaddysGirl420]

wow so your bf has a dead baby he never even know was once alive inside you? how can you hide somthing like that?

[Asker]

Ex-boyfriend. Also once you get older, and if you are abused at home, you'll understand the fear of the what ifs.

[DaddysGirl420]

abused? i've been abused mentally and sexually since i was 8 and would never do such a thing, you are allowing a man to live life without even knowing he had a child growing inside you... he has a right to know

[Asker]

I've been abused physically, sexually, and mentally since the age of four by my father.

Once you get pregnant and if you have fear of him getting up and leaving you with a child, I believe you would more understand. Along with if your abusive father would find out since you still live at home.

[DaddysGirl420]

I'm guessing you are to immature to handle this... I've been passed around by my father and Uncles for years and even non family. Guess I was smart and demanded birth control early. I get some shot every 6 months

[Asker]

I'm not immature.
Also you do realize that you can still get pregnant on birth control? You did take a health class correct?
I was a procrastinator when it came to my birth control, but nothing is 100%.
Also, explain to me how I'm being immature?

[Asker]

Plus that, explain to me how you are a daddy's girl whenever he abuses you? That makes no sense at all.

[DaddysGirl420]

birth control protects you over 99% of the time and if you use spermicide based lube, that helps even more... and I dont have to explain toy ou how you are immature, you already did it for yourself for being a procrastinator with something so importation

[Asker]

I meant I was always taking birth control. I accidentally used the wrong word.
Also, the usage of immature in your statement is wrong. Now you yourself are acting immaturely.

[DaddysGirl420]

despite what my father has does to me, he still loves me and is a very good father.. . I have everything I need and want and live in a nice area and go to a nice school. My mother passed when she had me and he has needs that sometimes he can not control. I honestly don't blame him at all... it's very common in males and he would never do anything that would danger my life.

Please like to forget about the good in people when they do something wrong... 10,000 good deeds can be dismissed instantly over 1 bad deed. It's ignorant. I could be living a much worst life than this...

[Asker]

But that's expected from someone who's dad gives her everything.

[Asker]

You're right, you could be living mine where you are abused 24/7 and have constant fear.

[DaddysGirl420]

but you are much older, why not leave already?

[Asker]

Because he is stealing my money and there's no where for me to go. If you were truly abused, you would understand this.
Also I'm honestly having a hard time believing you on your claims. Then again, it's hard for me to believe someone would be treated like a queen as they abuse her since I live through it.

[DaddysGirl420]

My father clothed me, fed me, and gave me a place to live... I would be stupid to give up all that over sex. I'll never find another man who will love me as much as my father. I'm having a hard time believing you! Unless you are being hospitalized, i wouldn't complain... at least you have a place to live and food to eat.

[Asker]

Who said anything about me being fed or clothed? I really believe you are not telling the truth. Either way you look at it, it's rape what your father and my father is doing. However, mine is a neglecter as well.
I feel really sorry for you with being brain washed, assuming you are abused. Ever heard of kiss hug and shove does not equal true love?
Plus that, if my father stopped stealing my stuff, I would be able to take care of myself. So looking forward to college next semester to better myself and by the way I'm going to pay my own way. I feel like I would be stupid to live with this boy.
My ex-boyfriend treated me like a queen up until he had problems due to his ADHD and other things going on in his life. I wouldn't mind living with someone who treats me like a human being instead of property.

[Asker]

Also if you are trolling, you're doing a horrible job at it

[DaddysGirl420]

my father has never hit me but has held me down while he and his brother fucked me.. i learned to take it and accpet it and it stop hurting.. . when i started making moves on my own, i started geting rewarded ten fold... honestly, i feel more connected to my daddy han i ever had. He taught me a lot

[Asker]

You have problems. I'm sorry, but you do. That's rape and that's just sick.
I've reported you for your own good. Hopefully someone sends out help.

[DaddysGirl420]

i dont even live in your country, report me all you like... xD I reported you also... maybe your government can help you too by controlling what you do to your body

[Asker]

You live in the United states, same country I live in, and it's illegal for a fourteen year old to be active with a 37 year old and for the father to be active with you.
Obviously you've never paid attention in school, though it wouldn't surprise me since you have zero respect for yourself. Also your father is RAPING you. Seriously, are you this stupid in reality?

[DaddysGirl420]

I dont live in the united states! I live in Haiti and my father isn't raping me... i take care of his needs willingly and will for as long as he needs it...

[Asker]

Then you should change the country where you live don't ya think? ;)
Plus that, it's still illegal in Haiti. Age of consent is 18 years of age, so it's still illegal.

[DaddysGirl420]

You are incorrect, you can have parental permission in Haiti

[Asker]

Hun, it's still illegal to have sex under the age of 18. Unless you are able to show me proof where it states as such.

[Asker]

Plus that, parental consent is with marriage if you would get pregnant with the other persons child.

[HighlanderTheOne]

No you shouldn't. Move on.

[Despondency]

Don't tell him.