Why did my boyfriend break up with me after our miscarriage?

[Anonymous]

Long story short- we were friends before we started hooking up. We remained on and off bed buddies for two years before we fought then didn't speak for a few weeks till I found out I was pregnant. At first he thought I was lying and ignored me. When he realized I wasn't he cane over to talk about what to do. I made it clear that I thought he had a right to know and would raise our baby myself if I had to. I also stressed the fact that I wasn't asking for a relationship etc because I did not want ether of us to feel forced/obligated. He insisted we should try so we did. We had some bumps along the way mostly hormone related and scared but we got along great and had fun together, we planned a future that he seemed just as happy about. I miscarried at 4 months. He was at work and I didn't call anyone till I left the hospital :( he came over that night- told me while he was sad that baby was gone he was happy because he got me out of it and told me he loved me for the first time. I told him he could leave if he wanted but he wanted to stay. We didn't go into detail with each other about the details of my d&c etc and I kept all my pain and guilt inside mainly because I didn't want to hurt him or us. Well I became very down. I didn't want to go out because I felt fat and unattractive on topof not knowing how to handle myself after our loss. I would drink slot and but was never a violent drunk. He came over out of the blue two months later and said that I'm not any fun anymore. I was a chore to hang out with and he no longer loved me. Three weeks prior to losing baby I lost my grand father which was sudden and tragic formy close ffamily. I tried to explain that I have not been myself because of these losses and felt very messed up inside. He told me to lean in my family. The last words he said to me as I was texting him crying was "what makes you think that the man that broke your heart is going to be the one to fix it" I told him I had started counseling a couple weeks after that.. He said nothing. I went crazy and cried texted called anything off and on for almost a year. I know pathetic right..I still cannot believe or understand why he did this and how he could ignore me. No call even on the year anniversary of miscarriage or due date. It hurts like it all happened yesterday.

[beenhurtb4]

i am really really sorry for your loss. I cannot answer why your boyfriend broke up with you because I think the only person who can truly answer that is your boyfriend. both of you are hurting..both of you lost your angel. don't get mad at him and feel that you are mourning all by yourself..different people have different ways of coping with a loss of someone so dear to them. have you ever thought that maybe he is TOO HURT that he doesn't even want to remember the date? because maybe that day is so so so hurtful that he doesn't wanna be reminded of it anymore. yes..maybe..he should have been by your side but what if being by your side reminds him of hurt? I am really sorry for the both of you and the hurt that you're feeling right now...be strong..your angel up above wants his/her mommy to smile because he/she is very much safe and happy now in heaven. be strong for yourself. you're the only one who can pick yourself up..always pray..pray and talk to Him..God bless you and your family. <3

[Asker]

Thank you. I've thought of that possibility because a month before we lost baby he told me that if I did miscarry he would feel messed up in the head because he was uses to the idea of being a father. :( I wish I had given him the space to grieve but I was so angry at his betrayal plus post partum. Do you think he'll ever speak to me? I wish we could talk so we could both say sorry.

[beenhurtb4]

"do you think he'll ever speak to me?" to be honest? No. I think, he won't talk to you anymore. maybe in the future? maybe it may take a while. because apparently, he can't handle it. he doesn;t wanna deal with it at all. in your part, you wanna have closure through a long, good , heart to heart conversation with him. because it's understandable. it took both of you to make your angel. but I think he just wants to move on in his own way. we can't make him sit and talk just because we want to.

[beenhurtb4]

he has his own mind. his own reaction. and if he doesn't react the way we'd want to then we should accept it. we are all created differently. as a woman, maybe you'd want talking and really, really immersing yourself into the whole situation but as a guy he copes differently. you've tried and he doesn't want to. we can do nothing about that. you will only feel sorry for yourself. because maybe you'll feel that he's treating you bad, when his reaction is just different from what you expect.

[beenhurtb4]

you loved each other and you should take all the good things from that relationship. ...right now, just focus on your own healing. (: be grateful for all the little things that you have now. if you feel like cryin, just let it out. and pray always..never lose your faith. God loves you. never lose hope,. this experience can only make you a better or worse person depending on your choices..stay positive and be strong. you can do it! (:

[Asker]

Fact. I would as a woman prefer that but I know that men are not like that. I hope that we can be friends in the future. I know that he has to be ashamed on some level because he knew what he was doing was wrong. That being said I'll continue giving him space to heal and if he comes around he does and if not then I can't control that. He's not a bad guy. I just think it was too much for him and not mature enough to handle. I know its his loss tho. I'm a great woman and karma always comes around.

[Deft_maiden]

He simply couldn't cope with all the drama anylonger. It not your fault. Nonetheless it was too much to bear.

[Anonymous]

Whether you can understand it or not, he told you why he was breaking up with you.

You had changed, in very fundamental ways. The fact that there was legitimate circumstances, didn't matter.

He didn't want to be with this new you.

And once a guy breaks up with someone, he tends to avoid her. Especially if she pesters him for like a year...

[Asker]

This is not a new me. Its more like I needed time to heal before I was myself again. And pesters? I'm sorry pretty sure from start to finish its half a mans responsibility. Geez ugh

[Opinion Owner]

Just because you don't like the reasons, doesn't mean they aren't the reasons.