My Boyfriend Refuses To Accept My Pregnancy ; Because I did Not Tell Him I stopped Birth Control; How Do I deal with this issue?

[Anonymous]

How does one deal with a situation in which your boyfriend doesn’t want to accept the child; you both made together. I find myself in this dilemma so my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and in the beginning we discussed the fact that we would have children only after we had gotten married. I agreed with this decision as I was very young and wanted to get my life situated before getting pregnant. About a year ago I switched birth controls and hated the side effects, so about 4 months ago I stopped taking birth control but did not inform my boyfriend and instead began using a natural tracker based on my ovulation dates and everything worked out fine, until about a month ago. I ended up finding out that I was pregnant and sat my boyfriend down and told him he was shocked, at first but then I went further and told him that I had stopped birth control and used the natural method. He got furious and then told me that he did not want the child as he did not plan this. I have never felt so hurt in my entire life, the thought of going through this pregnancy alone gives me multiple negative emotions that I never thought I would feel. We still live together and sleep in the same bed, but he has refused to have sex with me and just doesn’t make me feel loved anymore. My boyfriend is a professional as he is a medical researcher and has a good job! so for him to treat me this way as if I’m burden is just hurtful! I want our relationship back! how do I sort this issue out? where do I begin? He is 29 I’m 23

[Tammy94]

I think therapy is the only way to deal with this, at least as a first step. You each have an argument or a position to make, and you need somebody neutral to arbitrate as you work through it. Yes, you both made this baby together, and yes, nobody put a gun to his head and made him put his penis inside you. BUT he was making love to you believing that you were on the pill and having been clear that he wasn't/isn't ready for kids. Yes, you can have an oops even on the pill, BUT there’s a big difference in effectiveness between a woman who uses the pill and a woman who a) has just come off the pill AND b) who is in the process of learning how to track her cycles (since your cycles can be unpredictable for a few months when you come off the pill). In other words, you deliberately moved from a situation in which the chances of pregnancy were extremely low into a situation where the chances of pregnancy were considerably higher—maybe a LOT higher—while failing (either deliberately or negligently) to tell this to your boyfriend. This is going to take a lot of work on your part to make right, if it can be made right at all. Therapy is the first step. There’s a chance it will work if he is still with you, because that shows despite your breach of trust he still wants to be with you, but don’t be surprised if you have to work really hard to fix this. Best of luck.

[iva_mikulandra]

He has every right to be upset. I cannot even comprehend what you were thinking not telling your boyfriend you stopped taking birth control and actually beliving tracking your ovulation will work like that? If it was that simple, nobody would be taking birth control to prevent pregnancy. He really is the one that should feel betrayed.

[DanielleMarie98]

Dude, you’re his girlfriend. You should be telling him that you’re not on birth control. Couples are supposed to talk about it to prevent situations like this, see girls like you are why men have trust issues and it’s honestly sad. That’s fraud, and I feel he has every right to be pissed at you. You did him dirty

[1truekhaleesi]

If tracking your ovulation actually worked, it would be called birth control. A child isn't something you can compromise on. He has every roght to feel the way he is feeling. You'd better make a plan on what to do and this time, communicate this plan to him.

[Anonymous]

Imagine your boyfriend had the snip 4 months ago but didn't tell you... that's how he feels, betrayed. By being dishonest, you've created a serious disadvantage, an unnecessarily stressful pregnancy, and you've destroyed the trust in the relationship.

It seems to me that even though you were conscious of stopping the birth control, you were acting on unconscious desires to have a baby and that means you are acting through the mind, and not deeper wisdom.

You have not accepted responsibility for lying through ommision, you've addressed the situation as if your boyfriend is the one in the wrong ''I have never felt so hurt in my entire life''

This could have all been avoided with 100% honesty. The lack of introspection is preventing you from learning from this.

However, your boyfriend should have known better so both of you are to blame in that respect. How do you sort this issue out?

I'm not sure you can. Betrayal is something that is very hard to get past and until you copletely own your actions, nothing will improve.

[Impactaura]

I don't know what kind of advice you're looking for because none of it will help the absolutely fucked up situation that you have created. Birth prevention is there for a reason. You stop birth control because of bad side effects so in turn he wears a condom. You're bad choice of not telling him, has put not only put you in a hard decision, but you dragged him down with you. You both agreed no kids before marriage. You broke that agreement and you say you want your relationship back or that you feel hurt because he isn't all lovey with you? That's is a huge FML moment for him. I feel sorry for the guy. And it's girls like you are the main reason I've stayed away from dating for such a long time. I didn't want some psycho trapping me with a kid like thst then them ruining my life by forcing child support for 18 years for a kid I didn't agree upon. Mistakes happen to cayse birth, sure. But your extremely poor judgment and lack of trust and respect to your partner created this mess

[ASmith43]

YOU are the reason men are avoiding women. It is women like you that scare the hell out of good men everywhere. I honestly think you are a psychotic bitch that needs counseling. To even say you don;t understand why he's upset shows your massive narcissism!

You have trapped him by your actions and wonder why he's mad. He should have been part of the decision about your birth control from the very beginning. Failing to even inform him of the changes constitutes entrapment.

[snowangle]

Look, I believe that you didn't intend to get pregnant. But it was still wrong. You should have talked to him. And the "timing" method of BC really isn't effective, because some girls ovulate early or late in their cycle.

It sounds like he's feeling betrayed, which you really can't blame him for. Maybe he'll come around and maybe he won't. Either way, you have a baby to be responsible for now. I wish you all the luck in the world.

[Regneir]

You really fucked up. If you stop taking birth control he should be informed. The reasons there are contraception is so its a fully agreed upon situation. You stopped taking birth control, he would have started using condoms. This is a strange level of entrapment.

I do not know what advice to give you because of how astronomical the poor decision making process was in your head.

[Regneir]

Now having said that, no one can bully you into an abortion. So if that's not an option in your head, then ignore anyone saying it.

You may have killed this relationship. So your gonna have to wrap your head around doing this alone with child support if he so decides. Or possibly even putting the kid out for adoption.

[fauchelevent]

You're the one that fucked up, not him. You have basically forced him into fathering a child that he was clear to you he didn't want and now you act all indignant that he doesn't want it. Your mess, no point whining about him having a good job and shit like that.

[Wonderer89]

No, you didn't make this child together. YOU made the decision to come off your control which would potentially result in a baby. YOU made that decision, and now just like you made that decision alone you can deal with it alone. If you had decided on that avenue together, or let him know so he could use a condom then sure he's in on the responsibility too. But you committed fraud of the worst kind and you need to own up to that.

That's absolutely despicable

[JSmith925]

But you did not make this child together. YOU made a unilateral decision to stop using birth control and gave him opportunity for informed consent.
Unless you want to raise a child alone or with a justifiably irate ex-boyfriend, I would terminate the pregnancy. Believe me, I do not say this lightly. But what you did is absolutely inexcusable. Even the women do not support you!
~JSmith

[Barrabus_the_Free]

Guys, THIS is a perfect example of why you never trust a woman that says she's on birth control. They'll either fuck it up, or lie to trap you.

This is why I don't tell any bitch that I've been snipped. Let her think she's going to trap me, the look on her face will be priceless when I demand a DNA test and then, after it's too late for an abortion, tell her I'm sterile.

[Cody01]

Honestly I'd hate you too. LIKE WTF WERE YOU THINKING! The same people that use the natural method to approach problems are the people that cry over their child's death because they thought fucking antler powder and shark teeth will cure their illness. This is entirely your fault. If your going to go off birth control you ALWAYS tell your SO. Go to planned parenthood, tell them how you two didn't plan and how you fucked up. Problem possibly solved, I personally wouldn't trust you anymore.

[LaughingStick]

You get therapy for being a psycho bitch. Entrapment is illegal. You should have told him, regardless of whether or not you were using condoms.

Get therapy, be good to the child. What you did was wrong and while he can rightly HATE you. He will love the child.

[Matt21]

he's just a little upset/shocked at the moment... and honestly rightfully so.

If something changes about your health or contraceptive methods he has the right to know. if you two are gonna be parents you have to start communicating better!

[jjj101010]

He should accept it, although I feel that u owe him an apology for not telling him u stopped birth control, u have made a decision that will affect the rest of his life without consulting him. I know it is ur choice but if he had the information then he could have chosen to use a condom if he felt he was not ready for kids. Ultimately no contraception is 100% guaranteed with the exception of abstinence so he needs to accept what has happened.

[Impregnator511]

It's unfortunate you decided to change your birth control without discussing with your s. o., , especially when you chose such a half-assed method. Most likely your boyfriend feels that you have tricked him into becoming a father.

Still he is 29, how long does he want to wait to have children? Maybe he will man up and accept the kid.

[Anonymous]

What you did is illegal. Why would you do something like that? It is borderline, no actually, it is psychotic. Did you do this to trap him in your life? It doesn't work that way. You need help; not help fixing a relationship, but mentally.

[Anonymous]

The communication was a big issue and
he has every right to feel the way he does.

[rajpotchh]

i m too confused... frst of all dont let him go with another girl... have that control and try apologizing and ASKING him to take that responsibility forgiving u

[rajpotchh]

h is in medical field.. if he is emotional... can hope for good outcome

[Jazzy9090]

If this is your judgement, then I worry about your mothering skills.

[Anonymous]

Bear the baby on your own. He is very clear about not accepting your pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

You broke his trust in you so it isn't his fault. Maybe ask him if he wants you to give up the child until you are both ready.

But, I am curious, what does his job have to do with the situation?

[Anonymous]

Your fucking retarded and you committed fraud you deserve what you get

[Curmudgeon]

Entrapment. Really swell. Not.