What does it mean if a girl says she's blocked her romantic feelings? I like her but what should I do now?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend. We used to live together in a dorm. We used to spend a lot of time together. We both have different religious backgrounds, but that wasn't a problem between us. We used to talk on various topics. She also used to ask questions about my faith. I usually don't celebrate my birthday, but she organized a small birthday dinner for me with another friend. She gifted me a rather expensive shirt, and next day she even cooked my favorite dish. Then she wrote a poem for me. She said she thought the shirt wasn't a very personal present. I actually started liking her. Then I had to move out to other place. She took me to buy some decorations for my new room along her. I also needed a table lamp, but couldn't find an appropriate one. She suggested getting a salt lamp, but I told her may be later. 2 days later I received a call from her saying that there's something at my door. It was a brand new salt lamp from her. When asked, she said she likes her own salt lamp, she thought I'll also like it and she ordered it for me. She also used to take me to her favourite cafes. Anyways, I went on a small trip with some friends and I had made my mind to tell her that I like her when I come back. I didn't say that before because I thought she was just a very good friend. During trip, I had a conversation with her in which she said she felt insecure about some things and wanted some distance for a while to sort out her feelings. When she calmed down, she told that she thinks our relationship's going in a romantic direction and she was stressing out because of that. I told her I'll talk about it when I get back. I had a talk with her and she told me that she had a crush on me but thought I saw her just as a friend. She got confused, stressed and then started blocking her feelings. She's blocked her feelings and doesn't have romantic feelings. She wants to have me in her life, but also said if it hurts me and I want to move away, she'll respect my decision. What do I do now?

[Finchie40]

If you really like her and want to be more than just friends with her , you should tell her the truth on how you really feel about her. Just because she said she is blocking her romantic feelings for you , that is just her way of not steeping over boundaries with you and ruining your friendship , it sounds to me she is just unsure how you really feel about her. So the ball is pretty much on your court , if you really like her and you are attracted to her , you are best to open your heart up to her and tell her you want her in your arms , Most girls’ want a confident man that breaks that ice that doesn’t hesitate to tell her he wants her. She clearly is attracted to you and has the hots for you or she wouldn’t of been doing all
Those things for you. As a man you need to take lead and let her know you want her by your side , I guarantee she will say yes and feel weak ointment her knees. Most girls’ are drawn to masculine men that take lead , a girl wants to look up to a man not look down at him , so really ask yourself if you want to be with her , cuz if you do this is your time to do it

[ManOnFire]

It sounds like she's ruining a good thing by being so... so... ridiculously intense about it. She needs to just take it easy and go with the flow with you. She's overthinking everything and being too nervous, and not giving it a chance because of all that. Hell, if what she wants is to block her feelings then give it to her. Let her stay in that place of being so stressed and intense about feelings that she shouldn't even be taking that seriously if she wants.

This is just absolutely ridiculous on her part. Destroying a good relationship that could happen with you two.

[SueShe]

What do you do?

In every case, you respect her decision not to get romantically involved with you. She must have made up her mind based on a number of things that happened with you.

Personally, I believe that she was a little upset that you did not tell her about your feelings. You probably showed more than you were willing to but she recognized the signs. She thought that you did not really want anything more than a friendship and that is why she shut her feelings for you out. You probably gave her conflicting signs and in that case, it is better to stand down rather than to have false hopes.

[Asker]

So basically now I should just move away?

[SueShe]

No, you should wait for her to make the next move.

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice. I asked her if she was comfortable to go on a coffee with me, to which she happily agreed to it, but she was out of city and at the moment I'm also out of city for work, so she suggested another day. Do you think it's fine to take her out for a coffee or any other activity, only and only if she agrees?

[SueShe]

Yes, taking her out for a coffee is fine. The important is not to try to pressure her into something you have the feeling she is reluctant about.

[Juxtapose]

Why would a guy be upfront with his feelings when he's not sure if it will work or not? I don't ask people out unless I think my chances are good and I don't let them know what I think of them romantically if the chances are bad.

[SueShe]

@Juxtapose In 99% of the cases, men approach women because their testosterone commands them to do it. Only in 1% of the case, the approach is not ruled by testosterone and those people have genuine intentions that are not devious. This gentleman could belong to that rare 1%

[Juxtapose]

Speaking as a man that is just not true and you do not know what it is like to be a man anymore than I know what is like to be a woman.

To approach somebody I typically have to overcome a lot of anxiety and there's some sort of spark in their personality that draws me to them. I don't approach people based on appearance because the vast majority of people are just not going to vibe with me, I am autistic and I don't think like a normal person.

[Juxtapose]

And frankly you women viewing us men as perpetual predators just turns me off to the whole idea of initiation in cold approach situations. I need a green light before I even consider it.

[SueShe]

@Juxtapose Now tell me honestly. What is the ultimate goal, the aim of a man (or a woman) approaching a person of the opposite gender in case of heterosexual people? If that person is receptive, the final goal is to eventually make it into the pants of the target, correct? It does not have to be today or tomorrow but perhaps in a few months or years.

People seldom approach others simply because they want to know the time of the day or the direction to the next supermarket. There is always a motive behind that approach. Always!

[Juxtapose]

You make it sound like the entire goal of a committed, romantic relationship is sex. I mean yeah, that's what separates platonic from non-platonic but going through a whole ass relationship just for sex is way more trouble than it would be worth.

My ultimate goal in a relationship is to be the center of her universe and then I will feel safe to make her the center of my universe. The love would be pure and we would genuinely love each other as human beings. Physical intimacy would be one of many ways to show that and validate each other.

[SueShe]

I Wish that you can achieve your goals in that respect. I know people that have autisme level 2 and 3 and I am aware how difficult and challenging it is to communicate with those that are not autistic. Good luck

[PeachyPie93]

She rejected you. So I would just move on. People sometimes lie and say they like you to make the rejection less hurtful and pretend they are not the bad guy. But she literally rejected you, if she really wanted you she would jump at the chance.

[coachTanthony]

She is putting you in the friendzone without trying to hurt your ego. Move on. She either has the fire for you or she doesn't. Men deserve a woman who wants them not wants them to hang out.

[mobiusforniner]

If she’s doing the things you describe here, she’s investing in you and girls don’t do that for just anyone.

i can’t tell you what to do man. But from my experience a woman likes a man who’d make his stand. Who isn’t afraid to take a shot and risk it all.

So I will tell you what I’d do. I’d go up to her and say “(name) I love you”. And mean it. She may flounder. Start twitching. Maybe even foam at the mouth. Or likely, break into tears. Or maybe nothing. Who knows. Life’s too short to live as a “could’ve been” No woman wants a man who “could’ve been”

[Joshydavid25]

That's a tough one.. On one hand, you don't wanna wait for one woman to finally make up her mind about you again after she said she blocked her feelings.. On the other hand there's a chance that she might still like you.. I do think you should move on since she already said she was basically over her crush though..

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

"its not you, its me" its the classic: 'let them down easy' rejection. If you haven't already, might as well double down and confess now, otherwise you may learn to regret it later on. But, from how you've described it, to me, it sounds like she intends on keeping the status quo and seeking a long term relationship with someone else.

[Light_beam]

Women's minds are really missed up.. she is like come close, go away.. but on the other hand she is sweet and lovely.. i liked what she did for you.. respect her decision and still be a good close friend.. the things she saw in you that made her like you would make her say it out loud and ask you to be with her..

[Nikki1989]

You just back off and leave her alone. There are women everywhere, just meet someone else.

[Asker]

I actually do respect her decision and I haven't pushed or pressured her with anything

[bobalife]

She’s trying to protect herself from being hurt because she thought it was one sided, you just need to express and show her you like her too :)

[DextroShade]

If she won't put out, get out! Having female friends is a massive L for a man.

[Juxtapose]

As a bisexual person I just cannot for the life of me understand why having friends you could potentially be attracted to but they reject you is a bad thing. So what? As men we should be used to rejection and not take it personally by now.

[DextroShade]

@Juxtapose you sound like a soyboy.

[Juxtapose]

Come on man you can do better than that. We're not kids anymore.

[DextroShade]

@Juxtapose this is me being better by having self-respect and encouraging my fellow men not to let these vapid women waste their time with their stupid games and insecurities. Soyboys and feminists lead men astray.

[Juxtapose]

Relationships in the beginning are supposed to be easy. If you are already having trouble now, you are better off finding somebody else.

This will not be the last time you have trouble with her if you get together.

[slatyb]

It means she's blocked them for you. You should date other women

[jshm2]

Basically means you're not someone she's interested in... for now.

[Iron_Man]

Give it time work with her

[Asker]

She actually does want to meet me. I actually met her in a group setting a week ago. I could see that she was quite nervous. Something was going through her mind. I didn't ask her since other friends were around. We talked to each other but only a few sentences. I could also see that she was avoiding looking at me. We had visited a friend in hospital, and when when we were going back, we got on tram and there was one empty seat available. One our friends told her to sit there, while the rest 3 stood. She sat down, and the friend who asked her to sit said that you know, he (i. e. me) is also a gentleman. He would've also offered you the seat. At this she started laughing and patted her thigh and said to me you can sit here... Now I understand that she was just joking, but now that she knows how we feel about each other, what does this behavior mean? I mockingly gave her a stern look after which she said sorry and went back to her silent self again. She also very awkwardly said goodbye when she left.

[Iron_Man]

Take her out on a date

[Asker]

I actually did ask her if she felt comfortable to go for a coffee with me, and she happily agreed to it, but she was out of city and at the moment I'm also out of city, so she suggested to meet on another day

[Iron_Man]

Good

[whistlingwh0res]

Tell her that you really like her. She will guard down at some point

[CozyCoffin]

Go find someone else.