I don't know what to do in order to heal?

[Anonymous]

So I want to start this off by saying English is not my first language so excuse my poor grammar!
During all my school years since like 4th grade I have been best friends with the most amazing, beautiful and out going girl in the world. not enough words can explain how wonderful she is. I used to think I loved her just as my platonic half nothing more since for a good 3 years I liked this guy (9th- and mid 12th grade) and I thought he was everything I wanted and my first love but apparently I was completely wrong because I just now realized (2 years after I left hs) that the one I have always had the strongest feelings for my indeed my best friend whom I have never thought of more than a friend but the signs are just kicking in now that I keep seeing her less and less bcs of school and work and I feel so empty and lonely (+alone emotionally) even though I have met so many amazing new people throughout these 2 years but superisingly enough none of them compare to her (side note everytime the guy I used to like did me wrong my head would automatically say "she would never" or compare her to him). I used to be jealous of everyone esp the guys she talked to (she had many fligs with guys and she was strictly straight) and I ended up ruining many of her situationships (not my proudest moment and I was a shitty person to do that) and I only thought that was normal as we are best friends, I also was so close to her and would go insane without seeing her for a day, I begged her to go to prom with me for months and for her to ignore her boyfriend (my classmate and close friend) at a time. She used to treat me so right and I loved her the most, I realized it too late bcs I think part of me never wanted to admit that and I just wanted to stick to liking the guy I mentioned before

[BrotherBane]

First off, I want to compliment you on your love for your best friend. I can tell that you love her very much.

The most important thing you have to remember is that if you guys are best friends, you are best friends for life, regardless of who she talks to or gets with. That bond doesn't disappear just because she met other guys. You guys are still friends!

If you have done something wrong to her, then apologize to her. A lot of people underestimate how powerful a genuine apology is.

Let me tell you my personal story.

I used to have an aunt who was an angry woman. She would always belittle me and scold me for many small things like not hanging the clothes the way she wanted it. I have never once seen her smile in her whole life. One day, I decided to stand up to her and tell her off. She paused for a moment, looked me straight in the eye, and called me wicked. It felt like a dagger piercing through my heart.

I told a friend about what happened and he told me to let go of my pride and apologize to her. Knowing how angry my aunt is, I mustered up the courage to apologize to her. To my surprise, she smiled. It was the first time I've ever seen her smile.

- End of story -

If the both of you are not on talking terms now, go and apologize to her.

Don't say anything like, "I ruined those situationships because I love you" or "I did those things because I thought it was normal." It will only make you look like you are not sorry at all.

Tell her "I am sorry for causing all those trouble for you. I should not have done those things."

I wish you all the best!

[Asker]

thank you so much🥹 and I genuinely mean it. I indeed love her so much whether it's platonic or romantic, she'll forever be someone I will treasure for the rest of my life. I did indeed do some of her relationships wrong but I didn't apologize till the last day of school but she reassured me that it was fine and that I was probably just worried for her or anything and she didn't care as long as she had me her bsf by her side, also we talk here and there but now not as much as I am so busy with my uni amd she is too with her life but I am genuinely so greatful and thankful for your comment because it comforted me more than words from others I have heard for years now. Also for your aunt situation, that warms my heart so much🥹 it must have been such a great feeling to see her smile for the first time!

[BrotherBane]

Yup for my aunt situation! And I am glad I can help you a little!

I am making assumptions here but maybe what you are seeking is reassurance for healing. Reassurance of your friendship with your best friend.

One thing you guys can have is going out on an overseas trip or plan a chalet stay overnight together. Or plan dinner hang out together. It can perhaps help to recreate past memories of the time you guys used to have.

Another personal story of mine:

Back when I was 13 years old, I had a best friend as well. One day, because of something bad I did, he completely stopped talking to me. Unlike your situation, I could not apologize to him because he was always giving me the silent treatment whenever I talked to him. Eventually, I gave up.

Fast-forward 4 years later, we met at a chalet. I thought as usual, he was going to give me the silent treatment, so I didn't try to talk to him. But he suddenly came over to talk to me instead! And somehow, everything felt normal, like we were back to being close friends again! I didn't sense the coldness in him at all!

We hung out a few times after that too (not at chalets again, too expensive lol) having dinners at friend gatherings.

- End of Story -

That was back in the day, I am glad things ended well. We don't hang out as often anymore but I am definitely able to put it behind me.

[DoggyDude]

So, why do you have to heal? Just because your girl crush has a different life it doesn't devalue what you both share and how close you are.

Just grow to love her more, realise she needs what she needs as a straight girl and just be there for her as that most special friend you've obviously been.

That said, also, live your life. Spend as much time as she has for you with her, enjoy that but also find what motivates you and do that.

If love is meant to be, it finds a way to happen. I know thats a sucky cop-out kind of answer but I find it to be true.

Lastly, always tell the person your in love with how your feeling. If she's straight don't scare her with too much, just let her know how special she is and how you wish you where a couple (but make it clear your not boxing her into some position, just expressing how your feeling).

Emotions grow and change over time, you will heal but I won't lie and it will hurt a lot if you can't get what your needing from her. Though, the secret to love is, its not about what we need, but what the person we love needs and us being the person to help them find happyness. It's always nice if we are lucky enough to be the ones to make them perfectly happy, but don't underrate setting yourself aside for their happyness.

Best of luck!

[laly520]

therapy would help

[Asker]

My cousin did suggest that once but my mother said that's not enough reason to go to therapy for

[laly520]

she isn't the person to decide if its enough reason to go or not
u clearly need therapy

[strateguy632]

by starting a new relationship

[Anonymous]

Date the guy

[Asker]

which guy😭?

[Opinion Owner]

The guy you like

[Asker]

the person I am talking about in the story my "best friend" is actually a woman but thank you

[Opinion Owner]

I think part of me never wanted to admit that and I just wanted to stick to liking the guy I mentioned before

[Asker]

Ohh I see, i was so confused for a sec😭