Oh no! Should I be worried about my boyfriend and this girl?

[Simslover92]

I don't know if I should be worried but we're long distance and there's this girl he used to have feelings for that he lost contact with and now he's talking to her again and he asked me if he could start going on dinners with her as friends.

I said yes because he said he stopped having feelings for her but now she's asking to borrow his laptop for some fucking defensive driving test and I'm worried that the more they see each other, the more he will start to feel for her again but maybe I shouldn't be worried because he loves me right?

[Flatmanlewis]

Okay, so because it’s very relevant, what’s the nature of this long distance relationship? Did you guys used to live near each other and built a strong foundation and then one of you moved away? Maybe temporarily for work or college? OR is this some new age online relationship where you never really meet or spend actual face-to-face time with one another?


If this is a temporary situation then I’d say be cautious and yet trusting. If you two love far apart and there is no timeline to connect lives in a real way, then I’d be very surprised if she didn’t become closer and more intimate with him.

[Simslover92]

We met in college. Have stayed in touch with each other for over 10 years before becoming a couple. We only live 2 hours away from each other and see each other once a month sometimes twice a month.

[Flatmanlewis]

Maybe be cautious. I’ll be honest - a once or twice a month visit with no timeline for when this will become more permanent would leave me wanting something more permanent and substantial. I think she poses a real concern for the situation you find yourself in

[Simslover92]

I'm planning on moving there soon if I come into money. So it will be squashed.

[bowenw]

I think your worries are warranted and you should keep a close eye on him.

[Simslover92]

Thank you. I definitely will!

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. I hope it all works out for you. 😊

[Simslover92]

You're welcome! Thank you! 😊

[bowenw]

Please feel free to update me here or by PM.

[Simslover92]

Ok I definitely will!

[bowenw]

Thank you.

[DizzyDesii]

Nah i couldnt trust that. I dont even trust myself which is why i dont wanna see my friend i just reconnected with 😩

[Simslover92]

I mean I don't trust her but I trust him.

[DizzyDesii]

I wouldn't trust the other person nor myself

[Simslover92]

I'm thinking I shouldn't trust the situation but I'm going to see how this plays out. I'm hoping for the best. I'm hoping he's really a good guy and doesn't fall for any of her tricks.

[DizzyDesii]

Ask to join them

[Simslover92]

I may just do that

[laly520]

why did u say yes to that? thats a very big mistake n yes u should be so worried

[Simslover92]

Because I trust him and didn't want him to think I couldn't trust him or that I was insecure about him hanging out with an old friend even if he used to have feelings for her.

[laly520]

it isn't about trust
ok u trust him but do u trust her? I wouldn't trust in her
n u have no idea how capable girls r in turning a guy's mind no matter how good he is
plus going to have dinner with her is too much already

[laly520]

I suggest u get urself in picture n be present as a clear sign for her to see
if he wants to hang out then hang out with em
its never safe to trust that much

[Simslover92]

Yeah I don't really trust her but what am I supposed to do? Tell him he can't see her? I think that would be wrong to do if that's what he wants and as long as he knows to put an end to it before it turns bad which I feel he knows how to do then I don't see the issue with it. I think if she tried anything he would put an end to it immediately. That's just the kind of guy he is.

[laly520]

seems good but keep an eye on it
anything possible nowadays

[Simslover92]

I would do that but we're long distance so that's kind of hard to do.

[Simslover92]

Yeah you're right. I definitely will.

[laly520]

at least make sure he let u know whenever he will hang out with her
would be safer

[Simslover92]

Ok I will!

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the classic conundrum of trusting love from afar while the ghosts from the past resurface! Your feelings are completely valid here. Wanting to keep the trust alive in a long-distance relationship while dealing with old flames flickering back to life is like balancing on a tightrope, isn't it? 😅 It's great that your boyfriend was upfront about reconnecting with this friend—it shows transparency. However, your worries about their increasing interactions stirring up old feelings aren't unwarranted. Communication is your golden ticket in this scenario. Share your concerns with him openly but calmly, focusing on how these interactions make you feel rather than what he's doing 'wrong.' It's all about mutual understanding and respect. Remember, it's okay to set boundaries that protect your heart. 💖 How do you feel about having a detailed conversation with him about this? Let's chat more and navigate these tricky waters together!

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you and your boyfriend ever met in person?

[Simslover92]

Yes. We meet once a month in person.

[Jerre]

That’s going to be difficult to determine. It’s difficult to give up on ex friends

[Simslover92]

Yes thats true.

[loveslongnails]

You're long distance - have you ever MET this guy in person?

[Simslover92]

Yes many times. We see each other once a month. We're just two hours away.

[loveslongnails]

Obviously what follows is merely my opinion based on only the little you've said. Bear that in mind, please.

Ok, you're two hours away and see each other only ONCE a month? That's it? I've gotta say, that doesn't sound like much of a relationship, considering how close you are and that you're using the "LOVE" word. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that you "Love each other" and see one another 12 times a year living two hours apart!! Can either of you work remotely?

Why does he want to spend time with her in the first place? Hmmm, maybe because he only sees YOU once a month, and he senses she's still got some feelings for him and he likes the attention? Now she's borrowing a laptop? Why, she doesn't own a computer herself? She doesn't have girlfriends she can ask? Of all the women in the world, he "needs" to be friends with HER?

The whole thing smells like 3-day old fish, but aside from this particular thing, I'd be questioning how hot this fire really is when you're so close and hardly see one another.

[Simslover92]

We have very busy schedules which is why we can't see each other more often than that. He has two jobs and I have a very taxing job. But we love each other despite the little frequency in when we see each other. There are people who live countries away from each other and still love each other dearly and don't see each other but once or twice out of the year so it's possible to love someone you don't see fairly often. It's all about having communication with that person and we talk to each other everyday.

As for her, I'm not sure why he wants to see her at all after what she did to him. I'm not sure if he likes the attention or not. I think he's just trying to be nice. As to why she doesn't own her own laptop or go to someone else to borrow the laptop, I'm not sure?

I feel like she has ulterior motives because she knows about us and I'm thinking she's trying to weasel her way back into his life and I'm just hoping he doesn't fall for it.

[Simslover92]

I'm also trying to get a remote job so that I can move and be close to him.

[loveslongnails]

Let love rule then, if that's the case. It still doesn't explain why a guy working two jobs has the time or desire to re-friend his ex? The way you say " you're hoping he doesn't fall for it" sounds like you're concerned that he might, yet you say "we love each other". If your love is that strong, why are you worried and why does he care or "need" to go to dinners with the ex. It's one thing to be "nice" or friendly and chat, but why go beyond that?

It's very unusual for someone who's gainfully employed these days to not own a laptop or PC of some kind, or not have a (girl) friend to borrow one from. I'm certain that's just an excuse to spend more time with him, as in arranging to pick it up and return it. Don't know what else to tell you, but I hope you come out all right.

[Simslover92]

Thank you. I hope so too. Also she's not an ex. Just some girl he wanted to pursue before me but she wouldn't give him the time of day.

I'm not sure about why he wants to go out on dinners with her. It's kind of weird to me but I'm willing to look past it because I love him and trust him. My concern lies with her and her intentions.

And yes it is very unusual to not own a laptop when you're fully employed or not have a girl friend to borrow one from. I believe it is too and will be keeping a close eye on that.

[loveslongnails]

Consider this: " ... because I love him and trust him. My concern lies with her and her intentions."
If you trust HIM, it doesn't MATTER what her intentions are, does it? Even if she's out to steal his heart, what difference would that make if he loves you? And if she DOES intend to woo him and he DID succumb to her, then you'll know he didn't really love you.

So why waste your time and energy worrying about her if what you say about him is true?

[Simslover92]

That's true. I have nothing to worry about because he is trustworthy.

[loveslongnails]

LOL Now all you have to do is convince yourself and mean it. LOL

[KrakenAttackin]

As soon as I saw "long distance" I realized you should be worried.

[Simslover92]

The girl is not that close either though.

[war_daddy]

you're so old and you're still wasting y our time on long distance crap?

[Simslover92]

It's not that long of a distance. Just two hours. We see each other once a month sometimes twice a month.

[war_daddy]

well it sounds like he's more interested in the other girl

[Simslover92]

I don't think so. He talks to me everyday.

[war_daddy]

is she local?

[Simslover92]

No she's 45 mins away

[war_daddy]

closer than you

[Simslover92]

Touche

[war_daddy]

well if it doesn't work out I suggest you go to starbucks and find someone local

[Simslover92]

It will work out because I plan on moving close to him soon

[war_daddy]

what if he prefers the other chick?

[Simslover92]

He doesn't. We just talked about it just now and he doesn't like her like he likes me.

[war_daddy]

he could be lying duh

[Simslover92]

He's not

[war_daddy]

guys don't just go to dinner with random girls for no reason

[Simslover92]

She's not a rando. They went to high school together and used to be good friends before they lost touch.

[war_daddy]

you're focusing on the wrong part. what I mean is guys don't waste their time on a girl unless they like her

[Simslover92]

He's not like that though. He's a one woman guy and he says he would never hurt me like that and I believe him.

[war_daddy]

probably just means he hasn't had sex with her yet so he's keeping you around on a leash

[laly520]

I would agree with @war_daddy guys won't just do that for nth or for just a "friend" n please come on going to dinner? its too much
u shouldn't have accepted that at all

[lildkman1010]

I don't know has he cheated before I say 50 50

[Simslover92]

No he hasn't ever.

[spartan55]

He's already banging her.

[Simslover92]

No he isn't. He's not like that

[spartan55]

Lol... okay...😂

[msc545]

You should be worried.

[moneymagnet24]

Red flag red flag

[Simslover92]

How is it a red flag?