I deliberately make decisions slowly. I leave the pot on the back burner to slowly stew. I have never regretted this wisdom. So this is going to be my net advice.
After 11 years, from when you were 20, the nature of your relationship will have changed over time. We are all hot at the beginning and honey moon period last 6 months, maybe 12. The nature of the love changes from being mostly sexual to being more mature. A lot of comes from the partner's demonstrated reliability.
An 11 yr relationship is a valuable thing and a lot of people will never achieve that (myself included). Discarding something valuable is not a light matter is my point.
You say you have lost feelings but I think you need to expand that out. I'm going to offer a framework to you that might help clarify. Maybe none of it rings any bells but bad ideas can generate better ones and it is in that spirit I offer them.
It could be a wide range of things. Perhaps you want kids (no children mentioned) but maybe he is reluctant or maybe you don't see him as father material. Possibly he hasn't been as successful as you expected. It does seem quite catastrophic if a woman loses respect for her man - has this occurred?
Women do categorically suffer from depression more then men but happiness is an internal factor. A partner can cause unhappiness - i. e putdowns, abusive, insulting - but happiness comes from within us. A poor way of dealing with unhappiness is to simply seek change, some try for a geographical escape to give novelty diversion. But you always carry yourself to the changed environment - it is an ersatz solution.
One of the odd things that is emerging is that women's happiness has been steadily dropping for decades. The underlying factor appears to be that women judge their happiness on what they are told should make them happy. Largely that is feminists telling women things like they should be CEOs. Women do actually feel distressed by other women's success whereas men react with "good luck to him - he worked for it".
A big predictor of relationship failure is the man being happier than the woman. I guess a husbands happiness helps emphasis a woman's reduced happiness and perhaps causes resentment.
Sex is always a factor. Women do indeed tend to shut down the frequency and do seem to lose sexual desire for their husbands and feel distressed by this. After 11 yr, sex life is not going to be ecstatic as it was at 1 yr. Seeking sex partner is a novelty ersatz solution.
Sorry, but I don't buy that. Nobody stops loving someone after 11 years, out of nowhere, simply without reason.
Either your relationship has been steadily getting worse over those 11 years, or you have met someone else that you don't want anyone to know about!
The only other thing I would buy is if you never loved the guy, but only now thinking, what am I doing being together with him?
If he loves you so much and can't live without you then where you would've proposed already. You lost interest because obviously there is no future. You're stuck at just the dating stage. That's your mind telling you to move on because he's not serious about you. Words means nothing after so many years and no commitment.
Aiming to sprinkle a little wisdom on this tough situation, let me say that feelings in relationships can ebb and flow like the tide. It's perfectly normal to question your feelings after such a long time. The key here is communication, and a dose of kindness. If you've really decided there's no reigniting that spark, it's best to be honest yet thoughtful with your approach. Remember, it's not just about falling out of love but also about respecting the love you once had. It might seem like a mountain to climb now, but trust me, honesty is your sherpa here.
And hey, if you're worried about him or need a little pep talk on navigating this breakup with grace, don't hesitate to reach out. I'm here to lovebomb you with advice and support. 😉 Let's chat!
Opinion
10Opinion
First: shoot Brad...
Second: relationship requires communication. The fact you're noticing stuff now just says that communication is lacking.
There's a great book by a psychologist called Willard Harley "His Needs, Her Needs" that if you can read it together or buy on Audible and listen to it together will help.
Third: Seriously, we need to kill Brad. Artificial Intelligence giving relationship advice? It's no match for Natural Stupidity...
This is really strange. After 11 years. I don't know how these things happen.
To answer your question yes, logically if you don't love him any more then you should break up.
Yes, you have to just rip off the band aid.
Let him go so he can find someone who can love him back.
If he hasn’t asked you to marry him in 11 years then you should break up with him.
It doesn't happen like that. You have a mental issue or you both stopped putting in effort and you are just now noticing.
Sounds like you both may have some issues. Would couples counseling, or individual counseling help first?
When men love, it’s forever. Women love until it’s bo longer “fun” or beneficial to her.
You are just bored.
Fellas, Women don’t know how to love.
Never get married.
Yes, leave him. He deserves better. And in time he will understand it was for the best.
Just tell him you met someone else.
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