Is it a bad sign I’ve never stayed in an argumentative relationship (I either ended it fast or vice versa)?

[Anonymous]

I have cohabit with a tenant/roommate (I own the place and he rents a room). He’s been in an argumentative relationship with his younger girlfriend for over 2 years now. She’s 23 and he’s 36.

Bur they always get back together and she just came over after he was yelling at her over the phone just 2 days. Probably make up sex.

The reason I bring up the age difference is I too have dated younger woman it always goes great until it doesn’t. I had one younger girlfriend ghost me after a minor argument over the holidays. Maturity matters a lot on how you handle arguments. If the younger person is too much of a reconcilable pain in the ass the older person get frustrated. If the older person acts less mature then the younger person expects during a disagreement then you person has less patience (vs someone close to their age).

But anyway I’ve rarely kept an argumentative relationship going long in my life. I had one ex I dated for an entire year and things were great until the last month when everything went over a cliff.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Ah, the dance of relationships and age differences, always a spicy topic! First off, not staying in an argumentative relationship isn't necessarily a bad sign. It might just mean you have a low tolerance for drama, and that's okay! It's all about what you're comfortable with and what you value in a relationship. High-five for knowing your limits! 🙌

The age difference you mentioned does add an interesting layer, doesn't it? Indeed, maturity can play a huge role in how arguments are handled and resolved. It’s like mixing a classic cocktail; the balance has to be just right, or else it leaves a funny taste in your mouth. 🍸 Sometimes, the maturity gap can lead to mismatched expectations and patience running as thin as my patience for spoilers on my favorite TV show.

And Ghosting after a minor argument? Ouch, talk about leaving the scene before the plot thickens. It happens, especially when the maturity levels are playing hide and seek.

So, if you find yourself avoiding the drama-filled relationships, it’s not a red flag waving in your face. It might just mean you're more about quality connections than about surviving the love battlefield. Keep your eyes peeled for someone who matches your vibe, and who knows, maybe they're just around the corner, ready for a relationship that’s more Netflix and deep conversations than 'War of the Roses.' 💑 Keep rocking your relationship journey!

[Asker]

Fuck you Brad

[LazerBean]

No. But unless you've been married a while, it's more a problem that you haven't found a permanent relationship yet.

But yeah the biggest problem that I see in large age gap relationships is that they just don't relate well with eachother, so they have more to argue about to begin with.

[Asker]

Yes I’ve gotten plenty of judgment about what you said above. I really do want that but It’s not as easy as hitting a light switch for me. I almost got married last year more for companionship and mutually beneficial financial reasons. But there wasn’t any real feelings and I decided against it.

But when criticizing older guys realize things can be much more complicated than what’s on the surface.

[LazerBean]

I wasn't criticizing older guys. I don't really think that the differences between older guys and younger girls are anyone's fault, or that those differences are even bad. I see them in the same way that I see difference caused by other things, such as upbringing or interests, you know? Like if a girl likes doing outdoor stuff and a doesn't, that doesn't make either of those people bad. But it's still likely to cause a bit of friction in the long term if those two people are put together. So I wasn't trying to criticize older guys, I was just saying that picking someone that you relate to is going to cut down on the likelihood of arguments. And that goes for both men and women

[Asker]

I see where you are coming from. But when you say “picking someone”. It’s not easy to be picky when you have don’t have much room to be so. So say for (real life) example. Back when I was 34 I dated a young beautiful 21 year old woman who was from a different race/culture (but she immigrated to the USA). She treated me great. She always showed up on time. Cooked for me. Down for fun activities. Loved getting in bed. But there was a huge difference in maturity. She talked about midterms and I talked mortgage rates.

Now I could have just avoided dating that. But I have met countless grown ass women who did NOT put in the effort she did when we dated. They acted flaky, never were thoughtful (cooking), showed little affection, rude, selfish, etc. Sure we could communicate on práctical issues better (work, current events, etc). But they weren’t fun to be around. So I have turned down the younger woman who at least acted like a real girlfriend? It didn’t end well (actually ended horribly) but it was great while it lasted. I don’t regret it.

I know I got a lot of things going for me but still dating is NOT the same for guys as it is for women. Too many women make that very naive assumption. Even when I was your age women still had an advantage when all else is even.

I don’t expect that discrepancy to ever change. But I believe most women are clueless on the differences. Especially in the early stages of dating. It would nice if women acknowledge and understand the difference.

[LazerBean]

I agree that most women don't acknowledge what you said, but most men don't acknowledge it either. I agree that dating for men is somewhat different for men than women, but after a certain point it's not a gender problem but a personal problem, regardless of what your gender is. Only a very specific kind of man seed dating in the way that you describe seeing it, but they rarely acknowledge the truth to that.

[Asker]

It’s not “equal” like you want to believe it is. That’s not to say women don’t have their own struggles. But when all else is equal they have a major advantage in dating. If they are at least semi attractive, not insane and financially independent (NOT rich but enough to be self sufficient) they will always have more options compared to their exact male equivalent. Especially in the early stages.

Being in relationship vs being single is literally optional for them. Statistically at least twice as many women initiate divorces compared to men. I do not have statistics for break ups but I bet at least an equal percentage of women initiate break ups.

I’m not using that as a cop out or an excuse to quit. It’s extremely irritating how women criticize men when it comes to dating/relationships falsely believing dating is the same for guys as it is for them. It’s not at all.

[LazerBean]

It's fine if you find that irritating, but that is just how most men and women see dating.

[slatyb]

No, that's a sign that you have healthy boundaries. My wife and I never argue. If something the other did bothered us, we just say so and invariably the other tries to accommodate.