a For me, this does not mean that he should always pay attention to his way of speaking. But also, I want him to be a kind person.. especially to me...
when I speak to my lover my voice actually gets quieter. I can't help but basically almost whisper to her.
if tone is something you pay attention to but isn't something your partner pays attention to, this is going to be an issue for the rest of your life if you stick with them.
how they speak is how they speak. it's not really ever going to change. how one speaks is extremely difficult because it's basically an extension of their personality.
I wouldn't call it a universal red flag, but if it's an issue for you, then it's an issue for you, and that's totally valid. it doesn't mean you're overly sensitive or something if you'd like for someone to speak kindly to you.
anyone with a harsh way of talking should have the ability to turn it off when the situation calls for it. the way you talk when you talk to a judge in a courtroom, the way you talk when you're talking to a customer, or your closest friends, or the neighbor's kid, or your lover in the bedroom.. the way you talk to each of them will be almost entirely different.
if your guy doesn't have that ability, it doesn't mean he's a bad person or something like that, to be clear. and, yeah, it doesn't mean he can't learn, but if he's a grown adult is probably going to an upward battle for the rest of his life if he wants to actually learn.
i'd warn, guys are dumb. if you try to call them out on their inability to put in effort into the way in which they talk to you, they're gonna get defensive, tell you you're too sensitive, "I talk like this with everyone" blah blah. Then there's the case where they agree with you, apologize, but then start talking super nicely to you but in an ironic way. it's very mature (sarcasm).
when it comes to tone or just like, trying to be tactful and putting in the effort into phrasing harsh things that must be said in the most gentle way possible, if they don't know how to do that already, it's only going to get harder and harder for them to learn how.
there are people out there who speak lovingly to each other. i think it's really just personality. if you wanna stick with them, and you can handle it, then that's fine. and they wanna make the effort to grow a little, that's even better but I honestly wouldn't expect change. you'd have to be the one to accommodate their personality. not the other way around. it's basically up to you to figure out if you can handle that.
I think this is very dependent on cultural differences. I am laughing to myself because my Italian American family, with each other seems to be screaming at each other, but we are not really screaming at each other. Passions fly around a lot but it comes from a good place. If a stranger were to observe us they might be like damn these guys like to yell but it all comes from a good place. Well except for my dad but that's a different story.
This reminded me of a childhood memory. I have a few Greek American friends and they're just as loud and I love it. I fit in really quickly there as a kid because I wouldn't cry when their dad yelled at me for not eating enough, saying I didn't like the food, and that I am a terrible guest ( I was like 8). I laughed so hard and said I remember saying I want more but I didn't want to be rude and just take more without asking. So the Dad said what's your problem you have arms go get more. He made some hand gestures at me and then as a joke I made a few back and the entire family said he's in. He gets us. It was a great memory of feeling accepted by others.
Ok so back to your question. The kind of yelling and lack of tonal awareness I described is not a red flag lol. But if someone is really berating you for no reason that's not good. I think if you are with a person of some ethnicities you might need to ask is this cultural, more passion behind the volume and coming from a place of love, or a truly abusive place. How to tell the difference. If you give it back and it ends in a laugh or better understanding between two or more people then it's probably normal lol. Hopefully this is helpful.
a You give and get the love you think you deserve, and having someone repeatedly use a tone at me that I don't deserve is something I don't tolerate. The minute it pops up, it needs to be addressed right then and there and not be allowed to continue because once you start being okay with someone talking to you like trash, is when you start getting treated like trash. If they can recognize it and work on it, that's someone who was in the heat of the moment, and is actively trying to change, but if it keeps happening despite saying, I don't appreciate that tone or the way you deal with me, then it's best I find someone who can treat me the way I want to be treated.
You know sometimes is hard for people to realize how they're acting since they can't see themselves. It happen to me a bunch of times where I thought I was smiling but people thought I was making weird faces other times I thought I was being super nice and people told me I looked super serious. People may not be aware. If someone is coming off as rude ask them if they are aware they're acting a certain way.
Absolutely, darling! Tone is like the secret spice in the recipe of love—skip it, and the whole dish can taste off. If someone doesn't pay attention to their tone, it's a little hint that they might not be tuning into your feelings or the harmony of the relationship. You're not asking for Broadway-level performances daily, just that sprinkle of kindness, especially towards you. It's not just about the words; it's how they wrap them up and deliver them to your heart. Always aim for someone who knows how to make their words feel like a warm hug, not just a passing breeze. Keep your ears open and your heart guarded until you find someone who gets the tone just right. 😉
Opinion
7Opinion
Yes, someone who consistently disregards their tone can be a red flag in a relationship or while dating. Tone plays a significant role in communication, affecting how messages are received and interpreted. Consistently using a disrespectful, condescending, or dismissive tone can create tension, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings. It may indicate a lack of empathy, emotional intelligence, or consideration for the other person's feelings. Healthy communication involves being mindful of tone, showing respect, and actively listening to one another. Continuously ignoring tone can lead to communication breakdowns and strain the relationship dynamic, potentially signaling deeper compatibility issues.
Yeah, tone matters. It's an indicator of whether or not he respects you (or you respect him). However on certain occasions a person might have a more emotional or frustrated tone if they're uncertain about your interactions. (I don't mean just what *you* are saying but your mutual interactions. If there's something unclear or stressing him the volume or tone may change but nothing drastic. Similarly, women's voices get a little more high pitched when they're panicking. Margaret Thatcher was notoriously known for coaching herself to have a more "masculine" (lower calibre) tone after being called "shrill" at a Parliamentary meeting when she first became PM.)
it depends... people have habits and those are hard to change immediately. If something bothers me I talk about it...
u if they don't pay attention to themselves... I would not expect them to pay attention to me nor to others...
I've never paired myself with someone like that
Yeah no one likes someone who flies off the handle or has rude manners or bad speaking habits. Then again, maybe I'm that guy, as I honest don't meant to always put my foot in my mouth figure of speech lol 🦶🏻 👄
Yes, being kind and paying genuine attention is very important and it's necessary for any long term relationships
I think there should be moments that the partner should be more careful to you. Everyone can get angry but respect should remain
Yes definitely. Being self-aware is super important.
What did you do that caused him to raise his tone?
"Tone"? What do you mean?
Oh, heavens, yes.
Yes, they are.
Big dangerous red flag
Hell yeah!.
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