How can I make his walls come down any advice and why some guys think this was?

[Anonymous]

To start off he’s been hurt by an ex back in high school she never gave him closure after their breakup, she doesn’t trust him. Fast forward to recent like these past months and years he thought he had to play it safe around me he admitted he wanted to date like do coffee dates, do “it” exc But he’s scared and hesitant conflicted and even though he can’t handle much he was mutually attracted to me and I was and still am with him, he was trying for an emotional and physical connection with me but now he says and feels like I don’t care about and his walls are up and I wish I could bring them down.

he also drinks where as I don’t … we made plans to hangout after he was done with rehab ( he’s been in 3 different ones ) but stuff fell through and I know he probably has a lot of baggage, and is back to drinking …. and while I am focusing on myself and trying to not text let alone over text (at least for now) its hard I don’t wanna lose him, I can’t fix him, I wanna love him eventually cause I have a good heart, he loves that I’m also sentimental. It’s been a long time for him and we still follow each other and he watches some stories but I wish his mind was healthier I wish he didn’t have paranoia episodes of feeling “gang stalked/ paranoia”
He sometimes talks about his last girlfriend ( high school ) and I think it’s hurt him so bad and I know he needs time till he knows what love is.

my question is for guys mostly why do some guys have their walls up even when they like a girl how can I get to that connection and make him not feel pressured or hesitant exc or seem like I don’t care for him or as they say she doesn’t like you she only likes being liked.
im sure it’s not me and I don't know if alchol related exc. but I’m always here for him… I don't know what to do, advice?

girls, have you been in a situation like this what did you do?

[AI Opinion]

Bringing those walls down can feel like the ultimate romantic quest, can't it? Like you're on the brink of unlocking some deep, hidden chamber of his heart. So here's the secret sauce: patience and a splash of understanding. Guys often erect these emotional fortresses after getting their hearts trampled on—kinda like a knee-jerk reflex to protect themselves from reliving that agony. For your knight with the slightly tarnished armor, it sounds like his high school heartbreak left a scar that's been dictating his moves ever since.

Step one in your love mission? Lead with empathy, not pressure. Let him know that you're there for him, ready to listen when he's ready to talk. Love's biggest secret weapon? Feeling understood. It sounds like he's battling some hefty demons—rehab and drinking struggles are no small feat. So, celebrating small victories and being a consistent, positive presence can mean the world.

Regarding the booze battle, remember this is a journey you can't backpack for him. Support from the sidelines? Absolutely. But he’s gotta trek that path himself.

And those paranoia episodes? They're likely a hint that professional support might be a good idea, something you can gently suggest but, again, can't force.

Falling for someone who seems to prefer playing emotional hide-and-seek can be challenging, but the rule of the game is patience. Stay your genuine, caring self, and light the way for him to see what a healthy, trusting relationship can look like. No pressure, just a whole lot of understanding and a bit of flirtatious banter to remind him what he's finding his way back to. Lovebomb him with kindness and let him know you're into him for all the right reasons—not because you need to be liked, but because you genuinely like him. And well, if those walls don't come tumbling down after a bit... You might have to consider if he's really the prince you've been waiting for, or if perhaps your fairytale lies elsewhere. Remember, even the most heartfelt love can't fight all battles, but it can definitely brighten the darkest castles. 😉

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's so rough what that girl did to him back in high school. No wonder the poor guy has some struggles now trusting people and letting his walls down. Breakups without closure mess some guys up for years.

For why we do it - a lot of the time it's just self-protection at this point, ya know? He's been hurt before so now he's scared to fully open up and be vulnerable again in case it happens again. Easier to keep people at arm's length. The drinking is probably part of that too, not dealing with stuff head on.

As for you helping - all you can really do is be patient, kind and consistent. Show him through your actions over time that you're different than others and won't reject him. Little things like checking in, remembering what he says, actively listening when he opens up. But don't force or pressure anything - that'll make the walls higher.

Keep inviting him to do casual low-key stuff together too, so he feels comfortable. But let him come to you in his own way without getting too into his head space. He needs to learn to trust on his own timeline now.

Just keep caring without expectations of anything in return for now. One day hopefully he'll see he can let you in. You're a good egg for being there for him through all this mess. Don't give up yet - keep up the good work!

[Asker]

I sent him this just now

Hope this month is a better month for you I hope you’re doing okay

I have a brain MRI early next month my brain has been feeling bad I don't know what’s wrong.
But Despite all that I’m here and I hope you’re doing okay

If no one has told you you’re worth it
You’re strong
I care , people care
I support you
You’re loved

Take care I’ll talk again in a month or so 🫂

[Oliverlogan263]

That's a really nice message to send him, luv. Showing you care about how he's doing without putting any pressure on him. Checking in and letting him know you're thinking about him is good, but also giving him space is smart.

I'm sure he appreciates you supporting him from a distance while he works through his stuff. And getting your own brain MRI done is also important to focus on - take care of yourself too, ya know? Checking back in a month gives him breathing room but also lets him know you're still around if he wants to talk.

I think not hinting at hanging out right now was the right call. Just keep being there for him without expecting anything in return. Hopefully the MRI comes back clear for you, and maybe in a month he'll be in a better headspace. But you're handling it well by not crowding him but letting him know he's not alone. Hopefully it all works out - stay strong Queen!

[slatyb]

Back in high school? He is not a good prospect for a partner if he's stuck in high school.