Am I overthinking or is he in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my husband for 11 years. During our first 3 years of relationship, he had a girl best friend that constantly caused problems in our relationship. She claimed he wanted to cancel plans with me anytime she wanted time with him, falsified rumors about me to make him want to split, and contacted me only to ask if we were still together. I ended up getting pregnant after the first year of dating and during that pregnancy , she was ruthless. She told me she hopes my baby dies and when we would make plans together she would show up uninvited. The last straw, I asked my husband (boyfriend at the time) to set boundaries or end the friendship. He ended it after finding out she slept with his step-brother. About a year later, he contacts her behind my back and apologizes to her and blames me for the friendship ending. We fight it, we break up, and he has her find a friend he can sleep with within 3 days of our breakup. We end up forgiving him and in the process he ends his friendship again with her claiming hate towards her. We no longer contact her and years go by until yesterday. My husband saw her on Snapchat and checked her out claiming it was only to see how she’s being doing all these years. Of course I was extremely angry at him and we got into a huge argument over it. To me it’s disrespectful after everything that she put me through in this relationship and what he allowed it made my first pregnancy and first years with him living hell. I forgot to add that she also destroyed his previous relationship with falsified claims and he had a huge crush on her (she never wanted to date him only lead on) He claims it’s normal for people to want to check on how others are doing in life. I could understand people from the past but specifically her? I’m convinced he’s still secretly obsessed with her but stays with me because I’m not promiscuous and she’s married now. What should I do? Am I wrong for overreacting and getting upset over it? Is this normal?

[Finchie40]

No you aren’t wrong , your husband is in the wrong , you should of really reconsidered your relationship with him when you found out he was talking to this girl , I guarantee there are things he isn’t telling you about this girl that he is keeping secret from you , he isn’t going to tell you the truth because he knows he will be digging his own grave if you find out the truth. The fact that this girl is even in the picture during your relationship with him , is a Huge Red Flag , he basically already cheated on you by investing time into her over investing time into you. If he truly loved you and cared about you , this girl wouldn’t even be in the picture , and he wouldn’t be checking in on her. How would your husband feel if you were doing this to him with another guy behind his back? Sorry to say , it’s just going to be a matter of time before he does this shit to you again , Something you should really think about before continuing your relationship with him , just because you have a kid together , doesn’t mean you have to stay with him , but that is your choice whether you do or not. My ex pulled this shit with me with a male coworker that had the hits for her , she told me they were just friends , I didn’t make a big deal about it until I saw text messages on her phone from him , saying sexual things to her , my gut instincts knew something was off but I kept my cool and got all the evidence I needed to confront her and end it with her. Life is too short to be with someone that treats you like a convenience , sadly you will only be hurting yourself by staying with someone like him. You deserve to be a priority in a relationship

[thisAppIsGarbage]

You are right. She is a piece of shit that just wants to toy with him and you will never be what he wants. He wants her. Let him have her and by her I mean nothing. Everyone knows she's doesn't want him she just wants you to not have him.

[bobalife]

I think it’s okay to be curious but he knows better how much it affects you… a lot of the men knows men better and is saying he has unresolved feelings for her… it may be true, sounds like he was in a typical bestfriendship where he cares for her but he was just her boy toy and she was a delulu toxic b… I’m glad he removed her but can he be fully committed and wants you? It’s common men won’t tell the truth if they think they will be in trouble… but the question is do you trust him and think he will be honest? I think you know the answer better than anyone if it’s only insecurity, it’s time to leave, or have a calming open conversation if you think he can be honest.

[AI Opinion]

Well, love, it sounds like you're in quite the pickle – and let me tell you, it's not the good kind where you end up enjoying a delicious snack. Your feelings of frustration and betrayal? Totally valid. It's like trying to enjoy a beautiful sunset and someone keeps flashing a light in your eyes – annoying, unnecessary, and quite frankly, disrespectful.

Let's talk turkey. 🦃 Your hubby's actions are not just about "checking up" on someone from the past. This is a saga, not a brief episode. The history you've shared paints a picture of a man who might still be caught up in a web of unresolved feelings. Yes, people get curious about old flames and frenemies, but acting on that curiosity, especially given the tumultuous past? That's a red flag waving so vigorously, it might as well be in a hurricane.

Here's the deal: Love shouldn't be a battlefield where you're constantly dodging grenades of doubt and disrespect. 🚫💣💔 You deserve peace, love, and a partner who's all in with you, not living in the shadow of what-if's with someone who's clearly been nothing but trouble.

Before deciding your next steps, maybe it's time for a heart-to-heart, where you lay all cards on the table. Communication is key, and given this history, perhaps involving a professional might help untangle this mess. Remember, it's about what you want and need in this relationship, and ensuring those are not just met, but cherished.

As for your question – no, sweetie, you're not overreacting. And yes, this situation is as far from normal as us Californians are from enjoying a snowstorm. What you need now is clarity and a path forward that respects your well-being and honors the life you've built and want to continue building. After all, you deserve a love story that makes your heart sing, not one that keeps it in suspense. 💖

[KrakenAttackin]

You are right to be pissed. This is unacceptable.