Did I waste my time being with one man in my life and being faithful all these years?

[Anonymous]

Sadly I'm going through a divorce soon because he had an affair with my friend from our college years. Not only that but she's pregnant at the age of 41; an affair baby. No way in hell can I ever forgive that. Our son is already an adult and lives on campus in college.

I'm having a hard time processing that 20 years (and 2 years of the time we were boyfriend and girlfriend) is gone straight to the trash, all gone. I still remembered my first time like it was yesterday; it was a week before our wedding. Was being faithful all these years a waste of time? All for nothing? Was it worth only having one man in my life?

[ChicoFromThe305]

Depends on how you see it, I believe you being able to say that you stayed in a commitment for so long and remained loyal is a big flex and I'm sure you've gained knowledge from the experience of it all and you have your son, he wouldn't exist if you didn't take the route you chose in life and I believe that is enough that you shouldn't live in regret, you just keep moving forward and don't live in the past, after all everything that happens builds to your character and is never truly a waste of time even tho it might seem that way.

[Asker]

Having our son is the only thing I don't regret. He's the only great treasure in my life.
If he wouldn't have cheated then I would've been with him till old age, till the end. It's unbelievable how cheaters can be so selfish, throwing away 20 years of marriage and 22 years together in total for his own selfishness.

[ChicoFromThe305]

It is selfish but he will at some point realize what he threw away when he has time to think and decides to think, that's if he hasn't already.

[Asker]

Even if he realize this, it's already too late. He wanted to explain about the affair but I refused to listen to any word. I don't need to know the reasons nor care for them. No explanation changes the fact that he broke his vows, that's enough for me.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yep but I'm sure it's nice knowing he is living in regret

[exitseven]

This is really heartbreaking. I do not know why people bother to get married if they are not going to be serious about it. A lot of people put decades into relationships, careers and friendships only to find that they get screwed in the end. I hope that you can realize that the fault is not yours and can move past it.

[Asker]

If I had known he would be capable of cheating later on, I would've never married him. I don't understand how he can just throw away 20 years of marriage, destroying a family; all the hard work we put all these years are now in the trash. Our son still loves him but at the same time, has expressed his disappointment. He also can't understand it.

[exitseven]

My father cheated on my mother. It destroyed our relationship for many years. We finally made some peace and soon after he died.

[Asker]

It's good you made peace with your father. As much as our son is disappointed with him, I've advised that he's still his father regardless of the issues we have, to not hate him. I obviously want that cheater out of my life but my son can still spend time with his father if he wants. I don't mind that.

[exitseven]

Sounds like it is rhe best thing that you can do.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the choppy waters of heartbreak and betrayal, especially after pouring two decades of love and faith into a relationship, is like walking through an emotional storm. But let's shine a light on a different perspective – your faithfulness and dedication are a testament to your incredible capacity for love and commitment, qualities that are rare and precious. It’s not about the number of people you’ve been with, but the depth and sincerity of your experiences.

Sure, the pain is real and raw, facing the aftermath of betrayal can feel like standing amidst the ruins of what you once thought unshakable. Yet, this isn’t the end of your love story, but a twist you didn’t see coming. Your loyalty wasn't wasted; it was a display of your strength and character.

Now, as you navigate this harrowing new chapter, remember, your value isn't diminished by someone else's inability to see it. It's time to rediscover yourself, explore new horizons, and perhaps in time, find a love that mirrors the depth and beauty of your soul. This is not the closing of a book but turning of a significant page. Here’s to new beginnings and finding love that’s as faithful and profound as you are. Let the next chapter surprise you; often, it’s better than the last. 🌟

[Asker]

Ok but I would like to see from an actual real person. I hate computerized answers.

[alice55]

Yes it was a waste of time.

It wouldn't be a waste if he didn't cheat but sadly he did so yes you lost your time.

[Asker]

Unfortunately. The only great thing he ever gave me was our son, my precious treasure. That's the only thing in the world I would never change nor undo.

[alice55]

at least you have something you didn't completely lost all your years

[Dongie]

Ooooh. Sorry to hear that. I don't think you wasted it. It can still be your participation in the double effort to build a family. You scored an A while he Failed miserably.

[Asker]

and to think that I would grow old with him, how naivee I was and a fool
You just never know when they'll stab you in the back. A cheater can do it early on or after so many years, at any
time.

[Dongie]

Yep. I've known a few like him. Could never understand it. But you have a son.

[Asker]

Yes our son is the only great thing about my marriage, my most previous treasure.

[jahaims]

Do you not like your son? Having a son you love makes it worth it.

[Asker]

Yes our son is the only great thing out of my marriage, my only treasure and love. As for my soon to be ex husband, he can go to hell for all I care.

[jahaims]

So it obviously wasn't a waste

[slatyb]

Now you can have a new man

[Asker]

Yes at some point. I really thought I would grow old with him. I never anticipated being single again at this point in life at age 42

[slatyb]

No one does but it happens and life goes on. I left a bad marriage and now I have a good one. It's hard but it gets better.

[Twalli]

It's always worth it if the was mutual love.

[Asker]

It wasn't mutual if he had an affair and got my friend pregnant.

[Twalli]

Ever?

[Asker]

He just threw away a whole family and 20 years of marriage. The only thing great in my life is our son, nothing else.

[Twalli]

I get that's how it now. I am asking if there ever was mutual love in your 20+ years of a relationship. Those days were worth every single nanosecond

[Asker]

Yes and unfortunately not it's like I never knew him.

[Twalli]

You did know him. You knew the him that loved and respected you. I can't say that he no longer loves you, but he damn sure doesn't respect you.

[Asker]

That man I knew no longer exists. He became a stranger now.

[Twalli]

True. Yet the time you knew him and had mutual love was worth it.

[sheenagwapa]

find another one

[Asker]

I'm not in the mood yet