How far should you plan ahead in a new LDR? (Page 2)

[cheapshotbob]

Don't let it get to the point to where you want to exchange rings to be married. that stuff is stupid. No one wants to marry someone else over a long distance relationship.

I found it out the hard way and I'm not following that route. that's for people who are desperate or believe anything others say

[MaddieMadz]

The most important thing no matter what is each person making the maximum effort to see each other as much as possible, which comes with sacrifices. If either person doesn’t put that effort in, that LDR is doomed. The amount of distance between you and how often you can see each other dictates how far out to plan. I was temporarily in a LDR, but within driving distance. We did not go a single week without seeing each other for the 6 months we were long distance. If you are states away, I guess you have to plan months out if you see each other infrequently.

[TheaRhea]

I am in an LDR as of now, of 2 years. So far it’s not been east to navigate. It tends to get really messy specially if you’re from two different time zones.
I have only planned for three months at first. I was very reluctant to share my life with a stranger on the internet but as time goes we got pretty close. It takes TIME and you definitely can’t rush into things. It took me good 6 months to properly understand my boyfriend, his hobbies, his life and what he does.
It is definitely harder than having a real life relationship, so I wouldn’t advise starting one unless you’re in the same page in things.
Since you are already in one , I would tell you to not take it to heart and try it out first for at least 3 months. Then see where it goes.

[iCuddleU]

In a new long-distance relationship, it’s helpful to plan ahead for a few months. Establishing regular communication routines and setting dates for visits can create a sense of stability. It’s also beneficial to discuss future goals, like where you see the relationship heading, to ensure both partners are on the same page. Flexibility is important, too, as circumstances can change. Overall, maintaining open communication about your needs and expectations can guide your planning.

[AnonGal233]

I'm also in a LDR. I would definitely ask them when they are available for a visit. Thats the first step. Second is to figure out your schedule. If you plan on migrating where they are, I would definitely keep the communication open always. There are some benefits to LDR. You know why? Because the majority of a LDR is: COMMUNICATION. So I would suggest figuring out when the two of you are available for union. It doesn't matter how long you should plan, its when both of you are available to meet. Now the question is, how long have you been seeing eachother?

[Zack-Bann]

I like the idea of planning ahead for the same amount of time you’ve been together already.


But in an LDR I'd cut out some of that time because it’s a bad idea and a horrible way to get to know someone.


a good friend of mine proposed to his LDR girlfriend this summer after 3 years of dating and I can’t help but think he doesn’t REALLY know her

[luvstoned4him]

Im very serious and would plan immediately but I will only do that if the guy was serious as well because relationships are not a one way street and am NOT GOING TO put in efforts for someone who isn't serious or care about me as much as I do for them.

[godfatherfan]

If you look at a LDR that way, it is guaranteed not to work. They are already very difficult to make work. You have to be fully invested in the relationship. So you make plans no different then if you were in a relationship with someone that lived a street away.

[hahahmm]

Trick question because I would never be thinking that a LDR is going to last more than the next couple of days. My advice is if you're in LDR, meet asap and decide if you want more or not. if so than somebody needs to move closer. Don't keep doing LD.

[DannyUk2017]

Everytime i planned too far, and Everytime turned out to be a Disaster, so... No More planning ahead, unless the "planning" is Just for me! As i won't 100% know how the other person would react to my actions, so i rather plan for myself rather than for both of us, or even better... I Go With The Flow... always turned out better than expected, being spontaneous is better than just doing the "same stuff" like everyone else...🤷‍♂️

[sawno]

You don't need crazy detailed planning, but what you do need is some idea of how your going to end up together in person. Like who is going to move to who? What is going to make that possible? Etc. Then with that grand scheme in place you make sure to take realistic actions towards those steps.

[Mr_twoface]

I would say there is no time gap, it all depends on your distance. If she lives on another continent, it takes time and money to book flights, accommodation etc. So planning a few months ahead is a good thing, so both can save up and you can reserve things fairly priced ahead. If you live a few hours away, then a month tops two should be enough.

[AgentG111]

For my side of LDR that worked or lasted for a decent amount of time.

They varied in timelines of each weekend to several months due to work schedules and distance and location.

The best is communication about physical needs with said person whom you are involved with.

[mysteriousNicholas]

@Finfin1981 I'm a perfectionist who likes to daydream checklists ✔️✅ check check - however I think I'll always be unlucky in love and on some level thats lucky as I won't get diseases or herpes lol 😆 or even an unexpected offspring on the way lol 😂😆

[ShannynSteen]

Never plan too far ahead cause you don't know where this LDR is gonna take you or how much it's really gonna cost, especially nowadays. It's okay to plan like a week or so ahead but I wouldn't go past that tbh. But then again it depends on the people in the LDR

[DJB72]

If it takes a man and a half a day and a half to dig a hole and a half, how long does it take an elephant to fill both ears with shirt buttons?

Simple:

As long as it takes a fly wearing hobnailed boots to swim across a barrel of treacle.

There. My answer now makes as much sense as GAG posting your question FOR SEVEN MONTHS 🤔

[1920s_Vamp]

Oh, thank God I'm not the only one. I am absolutely the planner. I'm not sure what would have occurred if I hadn't made the impromptu decision to go visit him for New Year's. I am also constantly telling him how concerned I am about leaving after the trip since I don't like not knowing when I'll see him again. I've begun setting dates as a goal to help me get through difficult days and days in general. I only hope he makes an effort the next time we see each other.

[Wimpyshrimp]

Never been In a LDR, And never will be, i think the connection is almost impossible to keep and kinda unreal and some people are better through screen. I have so many friends who were in LDR who just didn’t work out. You have to have a deep deep connection with this person for it to work out tbh.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Plan all the way ahead, like years, and realize that it's a stupid idea that will almost certainly end badly, and dump them. Start a life where you are at. There are other people who are date-able in a closer proximity.

Either that or move closer together

[MikeTheBartender]

Unfortunately I agree with the majority here, ldr is like Santa Claus in the Easter Bunny it doesn't really exist. Why would you do an ldr? No good options in your city? Trust me, back in my asshole days, I dated many women that thought they were in a ldr with me, they were not.

[Prin97]

I personally have never been in a situation like this but I would imagine it can be done for a short period of time until the relationship? Gets to a point where they both find a place where they are? Happy to live in a city that they are also happy to live in, and then the real will blossom and grow stronger each and every day.

[Geo1970]

This is something that would be a little bit difficult for somebody like me these days, but when I was younger, in my late teens, I used to commute from Oxford to Sheffield, When I say commute from Oxford to Sheffield that was on numerous occasions hitchhiking.
This is something that in my present situation I would not be able to do it now due to lack of energy and necessity!

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

There is no effective planning, the position of two points is always changing and cannot be defined exactly.

The speed of light in vacuum, commonly denoted c, is a universal physical constant that is exactly equal to 299,792,458 metres per second. The letter "c" comes from the photons that constitute light have no rest mass, and therefore they always travel at this speed.

Light Dependent Resistors are amazingly quick.

[beldath]

As you've seen, there are tons of different opinions on the matter.
I my opinion, long distance is hard, and not worth it. Generally speaking, one or both parties will sleep around the longer it takes to meet, let alone move.
Do what's comfortable for you. It's easy to find long distance people, but hard to meet. Another one is waiting around the corner.

[Hawaiikai]

Long distance sucks, more options to cheat and to lie. I think it’s common sense. To me. But at the same time, people cheat even if they are together in the physical. But yeah, not having the physical touch, is hard. That’s when it goes south so seek someone in the physical. Who knows you can even get ghosted even tho you think you know the other person. No one really ever knows a person deeply, and who they truly are..

[paledreams]

I don't believe in LDR, yet I do believe in people daydreaming wishlists and qualities and plans for future relationships, I for one have enjoyed a pleasant daydream for years. I'm always improving on it. After all, what's a single, now 30s man to do, yet enjoy dreaming. Clouds ☁️☁️🌨️🌨️☁️

[Kaylea21]

Well I have been doing it for over a year now, and honestly it has been amazing, yes there's struggles about not seeing each other often but it does work if you make it work, if both are willing, you should plan at least a month ahead, that way you have something to look forward to, and you know you'll see the person again, otherwise the missing gets too much and you start overthinking

[TheSpaceGnome]

You should plan out your entire life goals with the knowledge that it going a different way than you wanted is just a temporary setback.

So all the way upto lifelong marriage.

It may not end up that way, but the intent of any sexual/romantic relationship should be that.

[RedThread]

I don't do LDR at all. I just don't think they can end well. Sure you hear of some success stories, but that's rare. If was going to enter into one, I'd put firm rules in place to meet up and make efforts to be together. It would require deadlines for sure.

[Massageman]

As long as is practical. If it is "cyclical thing" (based on job fluctuations/location changes/ time of the year), I would try to work out at least a year's worth of comings and goings, if the timing/locations are known factors. More planning = less surprises later on down the line.

[Justneedtokno]

I’ve never been in a long distance relationship. But relationships, friends, family, or other his start off with communication right down the things you want and making sure you communicate those things having accessibility. How often do you want to see that person? I’m pretty sure financially, there should be a budget that both of you should come up with on spending time together honesty being respectful making sure you know all the facts

[Anonymous]

3 to 4 times a year is fine as long as there is high commitment like marriage.

The best is selecting the important occasions like birthday , anniversary , summer vacation or holidays. Pick what you both care about and that would make it worthwhile

[Anonymous]

When starting a new long-distance relationship (LDR), it's best to plan ahead a few months at a time initially, focusing on setting up regular communication times and discussing potential future in-person visits, rather than making extensive long-term plans too early on; this allows you to get to know each other better before committing to big decisions.

[Anonymous]

i guess it depends? on what reason are you guys doing the ldr and that would determine the how many times to visit. because if it is due to working and the distance is far2 away, realistically, hoping to have frequent meet is kinda...

but me personally, i can't go even a month without seeing my man physically..

[Anonymous]

I met my girlfriend through a international event. She was from a different country then me. We kissed, I visited her for a week and we had great sex. Then I went home and we chatted every day for multiple hours. I went to visit her for another 2 weeks about 4 months later. And then 3 months later she visited my country for a week. And 6 months later I stayed with her for 4 weeks. And then I went home to pack up to migrate a month later to her country for good. Now we are married and have kids.
So yeah, we knew were not going to see eachother every month or so, but there was the idea in our head that we would see eachother again at Easter, summer vacation, Christmas,... How long we actually planned, I can't remember.
It works out, as long as you have video chat, often! And webcam sex.

[Crankor]

Hmm well I'd say have some ideas as options but not sure about set plans. The dynamics of the relationship is a bit different so it does make it more difficult to figure out when to take another step forward. I'd say though to make sure you both have discussed realistic expectations with the progression of it and go from there

[knottyguy]

Depends on the possibility of meeting them and how often. I've met women online and went to visit them, some that were 5-7 hrs away, one was a 13 hr drive away. I always planned on spending a weekend with them when I visited. After the 1st visit and if everything clicked well, there was no limit on the length of planning. It was forever until things just fizzled out.

[Vanny20]

Even though true and real relationship shouldn't be fathom by the distance. There shouldn't be a specific months or period, as long as there's this true synergy and connection between both parties, then they are good to go. It's not how far, but it's how well

[travelguy01]

I only planned ahead 2-4 weeks at a time. Sometimes 1-2 weeks. We saw each other very often (1-2 weekends per month for almost 3 years, plus spent summers together) even being almost 3000 miles apart. That was in 2006-2009 and I could afford to fly either of us in any direction across the country at that time. I know that’s not everyone’s reality.

[Clara4567]

I think that that depend on your finances, on your job and on the distance. If you want to pay less better to buy a ticket with some months in advance, but as I said it also depend on distance, so if the distance is very wide better thin about it 4 or 5 or even 6 months in advance. You should also see in which period you want to travel because during festivities tickets are pricy, so in this cases more months in advance you can book a flight, the better.

[_Highway]

I wouldn't plan that far in advance. I don't understand how an LDR can work. You need connection, touch, intimacy. While there are some forms of that in texting, phone calls, etc. Human touch is not the same and I would find it difficult to maintain that with someone I see once a month, every couple of months. I've probably never met someone I liked enough to persist with an LDR, in my experience, I can't fathom how it could work for an extended period.

[Bigmell]

Depending on your financial situation and if the person is willing to help with the finances of traveling back and forth or going out on dates while you out of town I was saying 2 to 4 months of planning. But if you have the finances and job freedom, just go

[CaptainLegal]

It depends on the distance, I usually don't recommend them, it's a waste of time if your partner is very far away. My current girlfriend, lives around 20 miles away from me and it works out. What's the point of having a relationship if you can't see them at least 3-4 times a week?

[Vick2828]

Long distance don't work unless you have money or live in the same state. If you want to see that person, it’s really up to you and how you two want to see one another badly. Just remember that one of you needs to compromise and move in with the other in your preferred state.

[michalpl00]

I was in a LDR. She cheated and was a nasty person. It can work if you both have deep conversations about beliefs and what you want in life. I think beliefs need to be the same. Especially surrounding boundaries what is okay and what is not. I believe that if the person is genuinely a good person. You should do datenight on facetime once a week. And keep it spicy through facetime at least 3 times a week. If there is no intimacy no point of having ldr. Plan to see each other once every 2-3 months

[scooogy]

I've been stood up after travelling for 4 hours. She even saw me around as close as 30ft, yet turned around and took the bus to disappear. I've of course been upset and decided to never travel that far again in a LDR. Even though this was planned weeks beforehand.

[nawtee_me]

Have you cam to cam together or FaceTimed together? That should come first, like in the first two or three weeks. If it takes longer than a month then leave them because they are not who they say they are. Meeting up by six months if you are in the same country.

[Anonymous]

Can't say that I've had much experience as its one but he was also in the army and deployed so that make things more difficult. But id say trust your gut and just go with the flow communication is key and be open and honest.

Hope this helps

[HarveyLaw]

The more often the better. I would try the best minimum interval that could be manageable according to work, studies, etc. LDR will only work if there is a concrete possibility of becoming together for real, though.

[Fantastic-User]

I feel like it should be something well planned ahead and thought out. Though tbh if you plan every day for a month that’s different then like once a week for 6 months. so I’d say it’s just ow much time to plan that you have

[littlekat]

It depends on how long that long distance actually is. If we are talking different continents it could easily be more than 6 months. If it s just a 2 hour flight away 2 months is sort of a good limit

[Anonymous]

Plan at least two months ahead of the journey if the distance is great but make the stay long so it's worth it, constantly daily msgs and calls helps build that bond, but yeah ideally you both want to be working towards a larger plan to move in together, there's no reason why it won't work if you both want it and fight for that strong connection and open communication

[Chevy1_kb]

I'm not really a person that plans much incase I end up breaking it to some people I'm ok doing it with myself but I would say I'm not really a planner I just see watch day drinks me how I feel that day mostly

[Skinhead-1979]

I skipped the visiting and moved country.

I am, still, Dutch... the ex is English. I moved to the UK in 2009 when she finally allowed me to be with her (long story... but I have been groomed and emotionally abused by her)

[JTinSC1981]

The one time I planned ahead in an LTR I wasted $500 on a plane ticket that the girl didn't use because she decided she didn't like me anymore.

Plan ahead all you want but don't spend money ahead of time because LTRs don't work.

[Lalalove11]

I wouldn't really listen to the naysayers. Yes it's hard to make them work but it's possible if you both love each other. I think waiting four months is good. It really depends on circumstances but four months is enough time.

[nonchalantindividual]

I don't know, all I know is that men will receive their first flower at theor funeral because a man loving flowers is considered unmanly for women. They usually dump him and claim he isn't a real man. Take it from a guy who is a fan of cherry blossoms. My ex-girlfriend never even bought me those while I spent all my cash to her.

[Anonymous]

I had really shitty LDR not to mention the fact that dude was twenty-something and I was 16.

Our families knew each other and we were official, he never mentioned when he'd visit me, it was random both times.

I felt like it was completely normal though.

I left him when I turned 18 lol

[EchoD]

I guess it depends on how far you are planning on going. Assuming you are in contact with them and are on the same page I’m sure you could visit them quite frequently. If they are on the other side of the world for example I’m sure that would be quite different and difficult. I’m sure the length of your stay would also come into consideration.

[MrJuicyBred]

Me and my Fiance are in a LDR. we met in Jan 2024 and I will be going to meet her face to face in 13 days we are both very excited.
It will absolutely be different for everyone, but dont rush it because if you and they are serious and absolute then it will happen when it is supposed to happen and there won't be any need to rush things between you.