How far should you plan ahead in a new LDR? (Page 2)

Question

So how far have people planned ahead to visit someone if they are in a long distance relationship? 2 months? 4 months? Longer … thanks

Texasgal95 · Answer

To be honest, it depends on each person and each relationship where you feel like it’s going if you feel like it going well and going in the direction you’re whining it too. I say go for it whenever you both feel comfortable about it if you don’t think it’s gonna end up going the way you want it to I wouldn’t even worry about wasting money on going and visiting the person.

Communicationisking · Answer

There is not much info to go on here some more help with answering your question would be good ie. how long have you been in the relationship for, have you met before, were you in a relationship before it became a LDR, do you have intimate calls text video chats etc and the list goes on. the more info you provide that your comfortable with sharing the easier it is for people to help you.

GigglesQuestions · Answer

It really depends on the relationship and the people involved, but in a new long-distance relationship, it's good to have a general idea of where things are headed without forcing a rigid timeline. You don’t need to map out the next five years, but you should at least talk about short-term goals—like when you'll see each other next and how often you both realistically can.

If things get more serious, then planning for the long term (like who might relocate, career goals, etc.) becomes important. But in the beginning, it’s more about staying present, keeping communication strong, and making sure you're both on the same page about what you want. If one person is thinking casual and the other is thinking marriage, that's something you need to address sooner rather than later.

RyanCan · Answer

In my experience with long-distance relationships, I've found that planning visits about two to four months in advance works well. This timeline usually helps both parties secure better travel arrangements and accommodate busy schedules without too much stress. As the relationship grows and becomes more stable, I've even started planning further ahead, like six months or up to a year, especially for special occasions or longer vacations. Keeping an open line of communication about travel expectations and maintaining flexibility has been key, especially when unexpected changes crop up.

Daniela1982 · Answer

They have a high probability of failure so I wouldn't even bother looking at entering into one.

IndianPhotoAcademy · Answer

When starting a new long-distance relationship (LDR), make plans for the upcoming three to six months. Goals should include tentative visits, virtual date ideas, and communication patterns. Avoid making too many plans at once in order to allow for flexibility and compatibility testing. Regularly reevaluate as the partnership develops to make sure plans are in line with priorities.

overlord337645 · Answer

ldr is hard and can easily end in heartbreak as its easier for both sides to cheat and you dont really know the other person up close i mean they can easily put on a facade for an hour a day until your married and then when you are they come home and they could be extremely abusive for all you know

zayndan · Answer

So many negative comments. I'm in a LDR and everything is fine. We are both loyal to each other and we meet up every 2-3 months, no longer than 4 months. We spend a couple days together. We don't have sex in our relationship, so the desire for sex and to cheat is very low. Also my girlfriend is a virgin anyways. In fact this LDR situation is best for us atm, we don't argue or fight because there's nothing to fight about

cheapshotbob · Answer

Don't let it get to the point to where you want to exchange rings to be married. that stuff is stupid. No one wants to marry someone else over a long distance relationship.

I found it out the hard way and I'm not following that route. that's for people who are desperate or believe anything others say

MaddieMadz · Answer

The most important thing no matter what is each person making the maximum effort to see each other as much as possible, which comes with sacrifices. If either person doesn’t put that effort in, that LDR is doomed. The amount of distance between you and how often you can see each other dictates how far out to plan. I was temporarily in a LDR, but within driving distance. We did not go a single week without seeing each other for the 6 months we were long distance. If you are states away, I guess you have to plan months out if you see each other infrequently.

TheaRhea · Answer

I am in an LDR as of now, of 2 years. So far it’s not been east to navigate. It tends to get really messy specially if you’re from two different time zones.
I have only planned for three months at first. I was very reluctant to share my life with a stranger on the internet but as time goes we got pretty close. It takes TIME and you definitely can’t rush into things. It took me good 6 months to properly understand my boyfriend, his hobbies, his life and what he does.
It is definitely harder than having a real life relationship, so I wouldn’t advise starting one unless you’re in the same page in things.
Since you are already in one , I would tell you to not take it to heart and try it out first for at least 3 months. Then see where it goes.

iCuddleU · Answer

In a new long-distance relationship, it’s helpful to plan ahead for a few months. Establishing regular communication routines and setting dates for visits can create a sense of stability. It’s also beneficial to discuss future goals, like where you see the relationship heading, to ensure both partners are on the same page. Flexibility is important, too, as circumstances can change. Overall, maintaining open communication about your needs and expectations can guide your planning.

AnonGal233 · Answer

I'm also in a LDR. I would definitely ask them when they are available for a visit. Thats the first step. Second is to figure out your schedule. If you plan on migrating where they are, I would definitely keep the communication open always. There are some benefits to LDR. You know why? Because the majority of a LDR is: COMMUNICATION. So I would suggest figuring out when the two of you are available for union. It doesn't matter how long you should plan, its when both of you are available to meet. Now the question is, how long have you been seeing eachother?

Zack-Bann · Answer

I like the idea of planning ahead for the same amount of time you’ve been together already.

But in an LDR I'd cut out some of that time because it’s a bad idea and a horrible way to get to know someone.

a good friend of mine proposed to his LDR girlfriend this summer after 3 years of dating and I can’t help but think he doesn’t REALLY know her

luvstoned4him · Answer

Im very serious and would plan immediately but I will only do that if the guy was serious as well because relationships are not a one way street and am NOT GOING TO put in efforts for someone who isn't serious or care about me as much as I do for them.

godfatherfan · Answer

If you look at a LDR that way, it is guaranteed not to work. They are already very difficult to make work. You have to be fully invested in the relationship. So you make plans no different then if you were in a relationship with someone that lived a street away.

hahahmm · Answer

Trick question because I would never be thinking that a LDR is going to last more than the next couple of days. My advice is if you're in LDR, meet asap and decide if you want more or not. if so than somebody needs to move closer. Don't keep doing LD.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Everytime i planned too far, and Everytime turned out to be a Disaster, so... No More planning ahead, unless the "planning" is Just for me! As i won't 100% know how the other person would react to my actions, so i rather plan for myself rather than for both of us, or even better... I Go With The Flow... always turned out better than expected, being spontaneous is better than just doing the "same stuff" like everyone else...🤷‍♂️

sawno · Answer

You don't need crazy detailed planning, but what you do need is some idea of how your going to end up together in person. Like who is going to move to who? What is going to make that possible? Etc. Then with that grand scheme in place you make sure to take realistic actions towards those steps.

Mr_twoface · Answer

I would say there is no time gap, it all depends on your distance. If she lives on another continent, it takes time and money to book flights, accommodation etc. So planning a few months ahead is a good thing, so both can save up and you can reserve things fairly priced ahead. If you live a few hours away, then a month tops two should be enough.

mysteriousNicholas · Answer

@finfin1981 I'm a perfectionist who likes to daydream checklists ✔️✅ check check - however I think I'll always be unlucky in love and on some level thats lucky as I won't get diseases or herpes lol 😆 or even an unexpected offspring on the way lol 😂😆

ShannynSteen · Answer

Never plan too far ahead cause you don't know where this LDR is gonna take you or how much it's really gonna cost, especially nowadays. It's okay to plan like a week or so ahead but I wouldn't go past that tbh. But then again it depends on the people in the LDR

1920s_Vamp · Answer

Oh, thank God I'm not the only one. I am absolutely the planner. I'm not sure what would have occurred if I hadn't made the impromptu decision to go visit him for New Year's. I am also constantly telling him how concerned I am about leaving after the trip since I don't like not knowing when I'll see him again. I've begun setting dates as a goal to help me get through difficult days and days in general. I only hope he makes an effort the next time we see each other.

Wimpyshrimp · Answer

Never been In a LDR, And never will be, i think the connection is almost impossible to keep and kinda unreal and some people are better through screen. I have so many friends who were in LDR who just didn’t work out. You have to have a deep deep connection with this person for it to work out tbh.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

Plan all the way ahead, like years, and realize that it's a stupid idea that will almost certainly end badly, and dump them. Start a life where you are at. There are other people who are date-able in a closer proximity.

Either that or move closer together

MikeTheBartender · Answer

Unfortunately I agree with the majority here, ldr is like Santa Claus in the Easter Bunny it doesn't really exist. Why would you do an ldr? No good options in your city? Trust me, back in my asshole days, I dated many women that thought they were in a ldr with me, they were not.

Darcey · Answer

I'm from Australia I dated someone who I hadn't met in person but we spoke online for a year. We realized it was impossible to meet so sadly we ended it. I don't talk to him anymore and he's not on my socials but think about him sometimes. Wondering if I should say hi.

Prin97 · Answer

I personally have never been in a situation like this but I would imagine it can be done for a short period of time until the relationship? Gets to a point where they both find a place where they are? Happy to live in a city that they are also happy to live in, and then the real will blossom and grow stronger each and every day.

Geo1970 · Answer

This is something that would be a little bit difficult for somebody like me these days, but when I was younger, in my late teens, I used to commute from Oxford to Sheffield, When I say commute from Oxford to Sheffield that was on numerous occasions hitchhiking.
This is something that in my present situation I would not be able to do it now due to lack of energy and necessity!

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

You should plan out your entire life goals with the knowledge that it going a different way than you wanted is just a temporary setback.

So all the way upto lifelong marriage.

It may not end up that way, but the intent of any sexual/romantic relationship should be that.

Oncewildtwiceburned · Answer

There is no effective planning, the position of two points is always changing and cannot be defined exactly.

The speed of light in vacuum, commonly denoted c, is a universal physical constant that is exactly equal to 299,792,458 metres per second. The letter "c" comes from the photons that constitute light have no rest mass, and therefore they always travel at this speed.

Light Dependent Resistors are amazingly quick.

beldath · Answer

As you've seen, there are tons of different opinions on the matter.
I my opinion, long distance is hard, and not worth it. Generally speaking, one or both parties will sleep around the longer it takes to meet, let alone move.
Do what's comfortable for you. It's easy to find long distance people, but hard to meet. Another one is waiting around the corner.

DJB72 · Answer

If it takes a man and a half a day and a half to dig a hole and a half, how long does it take an elephant to fill both ears with shirt buttons?

Simple:

As long as it takes a fly wearing hobnailed boots to swim across a barrel of treacle.

There. My answer now makes as much sense as GAG posting your question FOR SEVEN MONTHS 🤔

Hawaiikai · Answer

Long distance sucks, more options to cheat and to lie. I think it’s common sense. To me. But at the same time, people cheat even if they are together in the physical. But yeah, not having the physical touch, is hard. That’s when it goes south so seek someone in the physical. Who knows you can even get ghosted even tho you think you know the other person. No one really ever knows a person deeply, and who they truly are..

paledreams · Answer

I don't believe in LDR, yet I do believe in people daydreaming wishlists and qualities and plans for future relationships, I for one have enjoyed a pleasant daydream for years. I'm always improving on it. After all, what's a single, now 30s man to do, yet enjoy dreaming. Clouds ☁️☁️🌨️🌨️☁️

Kaylea21 · Answer

Well I have been doing it for over a year now, and honestly it has been amazing, yes there's struggles about not seeing each other often but it does work if you make it work, if both are willing, you should plan at least a month ahead, that way you have something to look forward to, and you know you'll see the person again, otherwise the missing gets too much and you start overthinking

RedThread · Answer

I don't do LDR at all. I just don't think they can end well. Sure you hear of some success stories, but that's rare. If was going to enter into one, I'd put firm rules in place to meet up and make efforts to be together. It would require deadlines for sure.

Massageman · Answer

As long as is practical. If it is "cyclical thing" (based on job fluctuations/location changes/ time of the year), I would try to work out at least a year's worth of comings and goings, if the timing/locations are known factors. More planning = less surprises later on down the line.

Justneedtokno · Answer

I’ve never been in a long distance relationship. But relationships, friends, family, or other his start off with communication right down the things you want and making sure you communicate those things having accessibility. How often do you want to see that person? I’m pretty sure financially, there should be a budget that both of you should come up with on spending time together honesty being respectful making sure you know all the facts

Anonymous · Answer

3 to 4 times a year is fine as long as there is high commitment like marriage.

The best is selecting the important occasions like birthday , anniversary , summer vacation or holidays. Pick what you both care about and that would make it worthwhile

Anonymous · Answer

When starting a new long-distance relationship (LDR), it's best to plan ahead a few months at a time initially, focusing on setting up regular communication times and discussing potential future in-person visits, rather than making extensive long-term plans too early on; this allows you to get to know each other better before committing to big decisions.

Anonymous · Answer

i guess it depends? on what reason are you guys doing the ldr and that would determine the how many times to visit. because if it is due to working and the distance is far2 away, realistically, hoping to have frequent meet is kinda...

but me personally, i can't go even a month without seeing my man physically..

Anonymous · Answer

I met my girlfriend through a international event. She was from a different country then me. We kissed, I visited her for a week and we had great sex. Then I went home and we chatted every day for multiple hours. I went to visit her for another 2 weeks about 4 months later. And then 3 months later she visited my country for a week. And 6 months later I stayed with her for 4 weeks. And then I went home to pack up to migrate a month later to her country for good. Now we are married and have kids.
So yeah, we knew were not going to see eachother every month or so, but there was the idea in our head that we would see eachother again at Easter, summer vacation, Christmas,... How long we actually planned, I can't remember.
It works out, as long as you have video chat, often! And webcam sex.

bobafiend27 · Answer

I had a friend who was in a LDR for three years, but they ended up breaking up because it was so hard for them to get together. She talked to me about how they tried to meet up once every 2 or 3 months, but many times things didn't line up so they had to wait longer to see each other

Luopio27 · Answer

I have the honor to be man number 400 to answer this, most answered question I have ever faced in GaG in my over 14 years or so!

I say a year or two is good. Have each other visit in all holidays, so 8 times in total, which makes one trip for each every season!

JohnnyB123321 · Answer

I have moved around the country and been in relationships. I’m usually pretty last minute. “Tickets are cheap next weekend. Can you get a day or two off work?” I’ve flow a girl out from the east coast by the ocean to the west coast by the ocean. It’s been fairly easy for me. Some great memories too. Exploring a whole different side of the country together.

AgentG111 · Answer

For my side of LDR that worked or lasted for a decent amount of time.

They varied in timelines of each weekend to several months due to work schedules and distance and location.

The best is communication about physical needs with said person whom you are involved with.

Crankor · Answer

Hmm well I'd say have some ideas as options but not sure about set plans. The dynamics of the relationship is a bit different so it does make it more difficult to figure out when to take another step forward. I'd say though to make sure you both have discussed realistic expectations with the progression of it and go from there

knottyguy · Answer

Depends on the possibility of meeting them and how often. I've met women online and went to visit them, some that were 5-7 hrs away, one was a 13 hr drive away. I always planned on spending a weekend with them when I visited. After the 1st visit and if everything clicked well, there was no limit on the length of planning. It was forever until things just fizzled out.

Vanny20 · Answer

Even though true and real relationship shouldn't be fathom by the distance. There shouldn't be a specific months or period, as long as there's this true synergy and connection between both parties, then they are good to go. It's not how far, but it's how well

travelguy01 · Answer

I only planned ahead 2-4 weeks at a time. Sometimes 1-2 weeks. We saw each other very often (1-2 weekends per month for almost 3 years, plus spent summers together) even being almost 3000 miles apart. That was in 2006-2009 and I could afford to fly either of us in any direction across the country at that time. I know that’s not everyone’s reality.

Clara4567 · Answer

I think that that depend on your finances, on your job and on the distance. If you want to pay less better to buy a ticket with some months in advance, but as I said it also depend on distance, so if the distance is very wide better thin about it 4 or 5 or even 6 months in advance. You should also see in which period you want to travel because during festivities tickets are pricy, so in this cases more months in advance you can book a flight, the better.

_Highway · Answer

I wouldn't plan that far in advance. I don't understand how an LDR can work. You need connection, touch, intimacy. While there are some forms of that in texting, phone calls, etc. Human touch is not the same and I would find it difficult to maintain that with someone I see once a month, every couple of months. I've probably never met someone I liked enough to persist with an LDR, in my experience, I can't fathom how it could work for an extended period.

Bigmell · Answer

Depending on your financial situation and if the person is willing to help with the finances of traveling back and forth or going out on dates while you out of town I was saying 2 to 4 months of planning. But if you have the finances and job freedom, just go

CaptainLegal · Answer

It depends on the distance, I usually don't recommend them, it's a waste of time if your partner is very far away. My current girlfriend, lives around 20 miles away from me and it works out. What's the point of having a relationship if you can't see them at least 3-4 times a week?

Vick2828 · Answer

Long distance don't work unless you have money or live in the same state. If you want to see that person, it’s really up to you and how you two want to see one another badly. Just remember that one of you needs to compromise and move in with the other in your preferred state.

michalpl00 · Answer

I was in a LDR. She cheated and was a nasty person. It can work if you both have deep conversations about beliefs and what you want in life. I think beliefs need to be the same. Especially surrounding boundaries what is okay and what is not. I believe that if the person is genuinely a good person. You should do datenight on facetime once a week. And keep it spicy through facetime at least 3 times a week. If there is no intimacy no point of having ldr. Plan to see each other once every 2-3 months

scooogy · Answer

I've been stood up after travelling for 4 hours. She even saw me around as close as 30ft, yet turned around and took the bus to disappear. I've of course been upset and decided to never travel that far again in a LDR. Even though this was planned weeks beforehand.

nawtee_me · Answer

Have you cam to cam together or FaceTimed together? That should come first, like in the first two or three weeks. If it takes longer than a month then leave them because they are not who they say they are. Meeting up by six months if you are in the same country.

cherrytreeblossom · Answer

assuming that your normal relationships also would end in marriage and kids, probably just the same, no? but some people pride themselves of living in the moment and never planning ahead more than a day, nor looking back into the past

How far should you plan ahead in a new LDR? (Page 2)

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