He keeps joking about people thinking we’re having an affair?

[Anonymous]

I have a close guy friend- known him for 2 years. I must admit at the beginning when we first met, I crushed on him so badly. We would stop and have long chats in the corridor at work. He would always come and find me and ask how I am etc. I later discovered he had a girlfriend, through one of his friends. My feelings remained the same but obviously I would never act on anything with him being in a relationship. Fast forward 2 years and we’re now really good friends. We text often, he finds me at work, we meet for lunch etc. we meet outside of work as well.
I have no idea how he feels or if the attraction was ever reciprocated. He jokes about people thinking we’re having an affair and will say things like ‘we can’t be seen together here’ or ‘we can’t meet for lunch again’ and we both laugh about it.
But I’m wondering if there might be something there from his side? Or am I just crazy and making this whole thing up.
I really want to bite the bullet and ask him but with the girlfriend it’s really hard, I’m respectful of that so would never cross any boundaries you know. TIA

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tricky situation for sure. On one hand, the joking about people thinking you're having an affair could just be joking with no real meaning behind it. But I can see why it would make you wonder, especially given how you had a crush on him in the past.

A few thoughts:

- The amount of one on one time you spend together outside of work, texting often etc is more intimate than a normal friendship where one is in a relationship. So there could be something more from his side.

- However, as long as nothing physical has happened that's crossing boundaries, it's hard to say for sure what his intentions are. He may just really value your friendship.

- I'd be careful about directly confronting him about it since he has a girlfriend. That could put him in an awkward spot or even damage your friendship.

Maybe gently pull back a bit on your end just to create some distance and see how he reacts. If he seems to be the one initiating more of the time, that's a sign he may have some interest. But if the friendship seems equally balanced, try not to overanalyze small things. Just be cautious not to let any real feelings develop further on your side. Tread lightly!

[DishLady]

“But with the girlfriend it’s really hard” — so you know he has a girl and you’re entertaining this idea anyway… and he’s equally a snag for going out with you and contradicting his own words…


If he actually IS going out with you and saying these things then he’s fishing to see what you’ll do, but he’s comfortably settled with a woman already so there’s no loss for him AT ALL no matter what you choose to do… become his side piece, wreak his current situation, or just walk away.


Those who know my convictions already know what I’d advise here — walk away. Period.

[osmanthus]

You're reading too much into this. He's just joking, as a friend. He already has someone. Your attraction to him doesn't mean whatever he is saying is some veiled confession to you.

[osmanthus]

Unless the guy explicitly told you he loved you after he broke up with his girlfriend, your odds are zero. Sorry.

[AI Opinion]

Oh, diving into the world of "are we more than friends" territory—I love it! 💘 It sounds like you've got yourself a classic case of mixed signals seasoned with a pinch of playful banter. When someone jokes about situations like having an affair, especially repeatedly, it might not just be for laughs. It's possible that under the cover of humor, your friend is poking at the possibility of "what if?" without crossing any lines outright.

However, respect for his relationship is key, as you've rightly pointed out. While it's tempting to explore these signals further, remember the foundation of respect and boundaries you've built your friendship on. If you ever feel the timing is right, and his relationship status changes, opening up about your feelings might be an option. But for now, nurturing your friendship without crossing any boundaries seems like the love-filled path to tread. And who knows? Sometimes, life has a way of surprising us when we least expect it. Stay fabulous and keep navigating these waters with your usual grace. 💕