Do you get upset seeing your partner depressed?

Question

I’ve recently fallen back into depression. I still try to act normal but sometimes I slip up and my depression will show. My boyfriend is fully aware of my mental state at the moment and I’m very open to him about it as well. Recently, he told me he felt inadequate because he failed to make me happy, it’s bringing him down and making him feel terrible. I told him that my depression has nothing to do with him, in fact, he’s the only person that’s able to make me feel happy despite everything else. But he still feels upset every time he sees me looking gloomy and depressed. I now feel guilty and I feel like I need to hide my depression from him to avoid upsetting him…

He’s not upset in a sense that he’s angry, but he’s just very sad seeing me sad. I can appreciate that he’s seemingly very emphatic of my depression but I feel pressured to act happy now… Do you also get sad seeing your partner struggling with their mental health? What do you usually expect your partner to do when they’re going down hill mentally speaking?

Aysen · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't necessarily say upset but it does kick in my empathy to want to help out in any way I can!

Sometimes depression is uncontrollable and finding ways to help your partner cope with it or to cheer them up does help the situation at least. Does it make me sad to see my spouse depressed? Yes, but that makes me determined to assist in any way the situation comes. If the depression can be solved (whether by financial issues, wanting to feel more loved, dealing with a toxic friend, e. t. c), I'd work towards that goal with them, whether by earning a higher income, providing guidance and such! If the depression comes from a source that's out of one's control (whether by mental complications, trama from previous experiences, e. t. c), then I'd try to help move their mindset away from the depression and more into something that makes them happy! (Giving them chocolate to eat, going out on a nice walk, playing a board game, e. t. c).

I admire the fact you were open about your depression and that it doesn't come from your boyfriend, which really helps here! Just let him know what's making you depressed and provide him with things/ideas that make you happy to help battle the depression you have! It's not an easy battle but I'm sure you two will figure something out 😊

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Yea depression sadly impacts not only yourself but can impact your loved ones as well. I was married to a girl that was overly depressed and mentally insane , she would stay in bed for hours and talk about killing herself , it was one of the worst relationships I ever been in because I never really knew if she loved me or didn’t love me , she would say some fucked up shit to me that put a constant question mark over my head. Like I was walking on egg shells with her , For my own sanity , I had to walk away. Depression affects people in different ways , some have minor depression and some have severe , Sever depression isn’t a good thing , they need to get their asses help and institutionalized. If they don’t , then the relationship is pointless , you will be more angry and sad over being happy and content. It’s best to walk away from someone that has severe depression that chooses not to get help

Caroline91 · Accepted Answer

I'm sorry you're having to deal with depression like that. I have been there, too. What I would expect is for my partner to get the mental health care they needed and to do everything possible to get it under good control. It probably isn't good to pretend to be happy because that takes a lot of energy you most likely don't have right now. Please get the help you need. The right combination of medication and therapy can be life altering in such a positive way. I don't need medication any more and have learned how to cope with things in a constructive way now.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Yes of course a partner would feel upset. Partners are supposed to want to show love and support, to see you at your best and help you shine. When you’re unable to do so — and they’re unable to help you past your slump/issue — it’s understandably upsetting for them.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Aiming to sprinkle a bit of my experience and insights here—watching someone you love struggling with depression can indeed stir up a cocktail of emotions. It's like watching your favorite movie with an unexpected twist; you feel every high and low along with the characters. It's crucial to remember, love isn't about fixing each other's problems but about being the soft place to fall when the world feels too hard. When you're tumbling down that mental hill, it's not about putting on a happy mask. Rather, it's all about being open, letting them in on what helps and what doesn't. From my cozy corner of experience, crafting a little 'weather forecast' of your mood together can help. It's not about expecting sunshine every day but about understanding that sometimes, it’s okay to have clouds. 🌤 Love, particularly in such moments, is more about presence than it is about perfection. So, dance in the rain of emotions together, and remember, it's okay to have rainy days.

ohsheeT · Answer

Since you're both aware of this when you feel it coming on or when he sees you getting into one of these moves you need to take his hand or he needs to take your hand and go for a walk replace the depression with something else positive no matter what it is do it just do it

hahahmm · Answer

Nope. Before I really understood fully what being a man is it could upset me. Now it would be like watching rain fall out of the sky or watching the grass grow. The only issue is if you were being nasty towards me because that could trigger my telling you how it's 'time to pack our bags and gtfo" mode if you pushed for too long.

RebelinSteel · Answer

I don’t like anyone being depressed. Dealing with family and or partner depression can be hard, as often they do not know 100% why they are depressed or what you can do to help, so you providing help then take a nose dive and you also get upset.

ariadneR · Answer

I don't like seeing my partner depressed or upset either, and when I try and cheer him up and it doesn't work I feel inadequate - if that makes sense. Now I just sit and listen, and I try and be someone that listens instead of being someone that trues to find a solution to it.

Foolablee · Answer

I would never be upset at him if he were depressed, I'm there to help him every step of the way though. I'll be his sun when he needs it the most not someone who's upset at him over something he can't really control sometimes.

MisterWack · Answer

Yes, I have empathy & compassion of course I feel bad and want to help her & support her out of her funk.

JosyJosy · Answer

I would be. It sucks to see your partner in pain. I know how he is. And he knows he has to fight and that I'm in his corner.

paledreams · Answer

No, there is no partner here, smartphone though is man's best friend beep beep it says not woof-woof 🐕

worldscolide · Answer

Upset? no, But i feel the strong urge to try to help with it, to do something to fix it.

Iron_Man · Answer

Well, of course I don’t wanna see her depressed

Anonymous · Answer

I would be upset, but I understand that as a partner, you can help someone have a happy life, but that is very different from being able to cure someone's depression.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah. Either get happy or go away, cause you're bringing me down.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, I hate to see my wife be depressed

DreamLife7 · Answer

U both need a therapist and some meds🤣

Anastacia1989 · Answer

Yes I feel bad if I see my partner upset or sad and would think I did something wrong

In_Trance · Answer

Depends why

Anonymous · Answer

Yes.

Do you get upset seeing your partner depressed?

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